me and my fiancee hace been together for 6 yrs. he read my at my mothers funeal. i just found out he cheated and had sex with the same girl 3 different times. that was 2 yr ago. i found some texts back then and dealt with that and that wasnt cleary the whole story. its not a MISTAKE if it happens more than once! i always said i would never be that girl, and now i might be... what do i do???????????????
Trying to figure out the truth and he just sits there and cries about how sorry he is...what about my tears...???????
-- Of course you're in agony right now, you feel more than betrayed, you feel violated, confused and hurt beyond belief. Why did your bf confess to you? What motivated him to tell you all of this and where is this girl now?
he actually didnt.his best friend did,which they all lied to my face every day for the past 2 yrs.! him and the girl dont talk anymore.he says he doesnt wanna ruin us and realizes he ruined our lives, but in end he ruined me! he didnt wanna tell me cause he was scared i wouod leave. hell ya. i always told my friends in shitty relationshipts to leave and they always said you dont know until your that person. now i am, and my whole being tells me the right thing to do is leave. but i love this guy. he was supposed to be my husband and my rock. and when everyone else and everything in the world hurt me he was supposedto take that pain away.
-- You really shouldn't make a 'forever' decision while in such pain and I promise you, you are entitled to the pain. You have had your heart ripped right out and stomped on, you've had everything you believed in swept out from under you and now you're not sure what to believe or who. No, you are not in any condition to be making permanent decisions right now. Let me help give you some objective perspective ok? Eliminate wasting any time or energy on what 'the others' did or did not tell you to date. They never promised you their honesty or loyalty. The one you need to be concerned about is your fellow. First, his anguish over your finding out and his possibly losing you is a promising thing. He kept this awful secret because he knew it might jeopardize what he loves and cares about. A physical "mistake" can happen with men. It's how they're wired. Of course the majority of men fight that primal urge and behave as society expects and as they 'should' in order to maintain the respect and trust of their true love, but there is no perfect world. Not all men can be strong. Or at least as strong as they need to be. His texts and contact with this woman were dangerous and he should have stopped at that, but he didn't. Hopefully he has learned that he can't allow himself to play with fire again. -- But we're here to talk about you. About how you are "not that girl". You have learned what others have told you all along, that you don't know until you experience it. This is something you'll never forget now. Just like your fellow will never forget what led him to his indiscretion. BOTH of you can move forward with these lessons learned and if you work together it can actually make you stronger. But you can't do it alone. You can't 'fix' yourself - any more than you can perform open heart surgery on yourself right? And your bf needs help in sorting out just why he allowed it all to happen. Then the two of you need to work on re building this structure. Making it one where trust and respect prevails; where you both can believe in each other again, without doubts or fears. THAT is the one decision you can make right now that is a good one. Find a counselor right away - today, tomorrow - and go. It might be a pre-marriage counselor through a church or relationship counselor through any venue, but steer clear of 'life coaches' and the like, you don't want anyone who does not hold a real education and degree alright? I'm afraid that lay persons who set out shingles without genuine education can do more harm than good and you really deserve a fair chance after six years. Will you do that? Will your fellow do that with you?
Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)