-- You really shouldn't make a 'forever' decision while in such pain and I promise you, you are entitled to the pain. You have had your heart ripped right out and stomped on, you've had everything you believed in swept out from under you and now you're not sure what to believe or who.

No, you are not in any condition to be making permanent decisions right now.

Let me help give you some objective perspective ok? Eliminate wasting any time or energy on what 'the others' did or did not tell you to date. They never promised you their honesty or loyalty. The one you need to be concerned about is your fellow.

First, his anguish over your finding out and his possibly losing you is a promising thing. He kept this awful secret because he knew it might jeopardize what he loves and cares about. A physical "mistake" can happen with men. It's how they're wired. Of course the majority of men fight that primal urge and behave as society expects and as they 'should' in order to maintain the respect and trust of their true love, but there is no perfect world. Not all men can be strong.

Or at least as strong as they need to be. His texts and contact with this woman were dangerous and he should have stopped at that, but he didn't. Hopefully he has learned that he can't allow himself to play with fire again.

-- But we're here to talk about you. About how you are "not that girl". You have learned what others have told you all along, that you don't know until you experience it. This is something you'll never forget now. Just like your fellow will never forget what led him to his indiscretion.

BOTH of you can move forward with these lessons learned and if you work together it can actually make you stronger.

But you can't do it alone. You can't 'fix' yourself - any more than you can perform open heart surgery on yourself right?

And your bf needs help in sorting out just why he allowed it all to happen.

Then the two of you need to work on re building this structure. Making it one where trust and respect prevails; where you both can believe in each other again, without doubts or fears.

THAT is the one decision you can make right now that is a good one. Find a counselor right away - today, tomorrow - and go.

It might be a pre-marriage counselor through a church or relationship counselor through any venue, but steer clear of 'life coaches' and the like, you don't want anyone who does not hold a real education and degree alright? I'm afraid that lay persons who set out shingles without genuine education can do more harm than good and you really deserve a fair chance after six years.

Will you do that? Will your fellow do that with you?