Hi - I'm not sure even how to begin. I had what could be classified as a nervous breakdown in 2009 (living in a very stressful situation for several years in California). This resulted in constant dizziness, lack of concentration, severe panic attacks, migraines, etc. etc. I moved back to Iowa in March of 2010 and moved into my mom's basement. I arrived 3 days before my stepfather passed away. As sick as I was, I helped my mom with everything that I could at that point - planning the funeral, taking over bill paying, fixing up the house, etc. I FINALLY began feeling somewhat like 'myself' after about a year in Iowa. I had started eating better, exercising, etc. Then my younger brother decided that due to money issues, he wanted to move in to my mom's house as well. We divided the basement in half (had doors, etc. installed). My younger brother and I have never gotten along really great (he has something like high functioning autism - no positive diagnosis). His relationship with my mom, at least how I see it, is one of great love, but due to his hatred of me (again how I feel), the situation here has become intolerable. He is very controlling (something I cannot deal with, having been in that kind of situation in California). He in my mind, as well as that of my older brother and sis-in-law, is what we call a 'master manipulator' - he manipulates my mom into trying to make me be the bad person in her eyes, that I hate him, that I am horrible, etc. etc. Before I moved in here, my relationship with my mom was that I truly felt as if she were my best friend. Now, I feel as if I have lost a lot of respect for her and I don't feel like I love her so much anymore. I feel like the "odd one out" in this house. I am still on disability, but have gone out and gotten a few part-time jobs that I feel I can handle doing. I bring money into the house, I take care of running the house, everything I can do. Tim (younger brother) pays for nothing.

I see a psychiatrist and am on Cymbalta as well as Xanax. I have GAD and pretty bad depresion, which seems to be controlled better with the meds, so I am trying as hard as I can to be back to my normal happy self. I also see a therapist. She says I should move out and I have been looking for places, but I have several cats, which makes things harder as far as moving.

I just don't know how to deal with either of them anymore. I literally come home from work, and come down to my little space and stay here. I try not to go upstairs too much, because it is a constant attack on me when I do go up. I'm going to be 55 this year and I am SO MAD at myself for all the choices I have made in my life to have me end of here. I have no one to blame but me. I just want to be happy again and live in a place where there is peace for me.

I guess I'm seeking advice on how to deal with my mom and younger brother. I can feel myself slipping back into that really severe depression again with the bouts of vertigo and the head spinning. The lack of concentration I guess I attribute to the meds I am on, as well as the depression. I'm trying to save my mental and emotional sanity. Realistically I won't be able to move for a while, so until I do, how can I stop myself from feeling so awful, when the family I live with looks at me like I'm a horrible person.

Thanks for whatever advice you can give me.

Gratefully - Lori