Hi, I'm not sure if I'm in the right place but I feel like I have no where else to go. Okay, so to begin, my girlfriend and I have been dating for close to seven months now and I feel like we've become extremely close in that time. However in the last month she's become very close with my best friend to a point where she can now call him her best friend now too. It sounds like a good thing and at first I was happy that my girlfriend and my bestfriend could get along so well, but in that last month I felt like she was ignoring me a lot more and spending more time with my friends than with me. For a while I tried to put these thoughts aside and told myself I was thinking nonsense, but as the days went on I noticed that she was spending more time with my best friend in particular and she seemed to be showing him a lot more 'affection' than me lately. Recently I couldn't surpress my thoughts any longer and I sat down and talked to her about how I was feeling, how I felt like I was being ignored, how I felt that she was paying more attention to another guy. She reassured me that I had nothing to worry about and that she's sorry for ignoring me, however she feels like she 'needs' to spend more time with my friend. But what really has me confused is that she told me about a couple dreams she's had about him and how she's feeling very confused right now. This didn't make me feel any better because I know she's a very special part of my life and since I've been with her I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, however here she is telling me she doesn't know who she has feelings for, my best friend or me. I feel extremely threatened and confused right now because she's admitted to this yet even more recently she's turned around and done something extremely sweet and nice for me and reassuring me that nothing is wrong, that I'm the special guy in her life. But I can't shake this feeling that she's falling for someone else.
I can certainly see why you would say you are worried. You refer to her as not being sure who is has feelings for. That statement in itself suggests that even if they are friends she is considering the prospect of starting a romantic relationship with him. A relationship can't survive with you if she is questioning whether she has romantic feelings for him. She has to decide where her feelings are in terms of which person and pursue that as a relationship. Right now it seems that she is sending mixed signals to both of you and that is not fair to either of you. You may want to take a step back and decide if being with someone who isn't sure how she feels is productive. If you continue this path then she may be able to have both of you on the hook. It would be interesting to know what she has told him. Maybe he doesn't know she has feelings for him. Maybe he doesn't want a relationship with her and the feelings are one sided.
If she is telling you that she is having conflicting feelings then the relationship is in trouble anyway. I would start having firm boundaries with her so that she doesn't just go from him to you. Tell her what you will and will not tolerate. If she is devoted to you she will be with you but within the guidelines that you set. I always say that your intuition is most times right. If you feel like you can't imagine yourself without her then that is saying no matter what you accept her behavior. Take a hard look at what that could mean. She could be acting sweet but you need a commitment that her heart is in the right place.
Please choose the best feedback or I am not compensated
Thank you for such a quick reply, but there are a couple more details that are still bothering me.
If you are having these thoughts then the foundation of the relationship may not be as strong as it needs to be. You have to be confident that there is nothing going on for a relationship to be really solid. So you can consider that there are trust issues or this is just a normal reaction to them hanging out together. If she honest then she is probably telling you the truth. This could in time just resolve itself. I also think guidelines are the answer. It's not controlling to ask for what you want.