There is always hope in saving any relationship. A relationship can be difficult when one's baggage is so influential that it interferes with a healthy relationship. Partners often have this tragic history and still are able to maintain a healthy interaction. If your wife has such as history then change starts with open communication both on your part and hers. You have to communicate your frustration with her treating you in a way that is not trusting and her baggage that probably includes feeling that she cannot trust anyone. One moves past that history one baby step at a time. If you want a valuable book on communication there is nothing I have found more helpful than the Mars and Venus series. Communication is key in this issue as with any issue in providing a healthy sense of balance to each others.
If your wife has lost trust in herself than she must with your support take tiny steps towards healthy self esteem again. Begin with nonthreatening ways, small ways, that begins the process. If you want this relationship bad enough there is hope. Work with her - this begins with agreeing to rules that you can find mutually satisfying. Use tangible examples such as what she finds threatening like when you come home etc.
You have to decide when you have had enough but at this point it sounds like you want to make it work. Decide what will make this break end by talking to her about a plan.
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