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DrFee
DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience:  20+ years of counseling experience, Wife & Mother
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Hi.I have been in a relationship for over three years. My partner

Customer Question

Hi.I have been in a relationship for over three years. My partner judging by her past, may be called a whore. She promised that is behind her. I love her soooo much that I sometimes wonder if something is not wrong with me. She was born and raised here but often goes to the Dominican republic where she owns two houses. I recently found out that she got involved with some man over there. I saw a romantic text she sent him.
We have been trying to have a child but unsuccessfully. She had refused treatment but for the past two months she has been going through Intrauterine Insemination. She claims she truly loves me but I found out she is still talking to the other guy. This summer, she and I will be going to the Dominican Republic for two months. Should I believe in her love for me?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrFee replied 2 years ago.

Hello! Please remember that my responses are informational only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.

It must have been very painful to see that text. Your apprehension and concern are warranted, I think because her behavior is not matching up with what she is saying to you verbally.

What did she say to you when you confronted her with the text? I would like to hold off on an answer to you until we talk a little more about the details of her behavior.

We may need to write back and forth a few times ---

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Well, I chose not to confront her being that I was not ready to leave her. She did notice that I had seen something. She deleted the text. I started online dating out of revenge only to find out that I was too much into my partner. She found out about it and was extremely furious. She was undergoing a fertility treatment and couldn't believe I was doing something like that. I told her why I was doing it ( confronted her the text message).She denied everything before stating that someone had used her phone to send the text. Of course I didnt believe that.We decided to move on and got engaged a month later (05/28/2012). I saw the text on April 16, 2012.My partner is a school assistant principal and I am a teacher. I contribute to the expenses of the household but she can survive without me. She actually spoils me whenever she has money. She introduced to her entire family. She seems very confortable around me on the streets and everywhere we go, always holding my hand and showing me love. She actually worries about me more than I worry about her.
Expert:  DrFee replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
There may have been some misunderstanding. I do not have a new partner. Everything I said was about the same woman. I am willing to make this relationship work, if it is possible.
Expert:  DrFee replied 2 years ago.

Oh, OK --I am so sorry for misunderstanding --I re-read it and I see that now, with your explanation.

 

I have another question for you --when she said that someone else used her phone ---why don't you believe her? How do you know that she was lying?

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Well, why did she delete the text? If she were clean, she wouldn't need to delete the text?
Expert:  DrFee replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Sorry that it took me this long to reply. I have not had access to a computer in two weeks.


All my attempts to get her to admit the affair have been vain. She is insisting that she is not up to anything. And yet, her behavior suggests something different. We are currently spending the summer in her country, where the other guy resides. She asked me several time for space. I do not feel welcome at all. She still claims she loves me.


I really don't understand why she is reluctant to tell me the truth so that we can go our seperate ways. Why would you wanna have a child with someone you dont love? Why would accept an engagement ring from someone you don't love? why would invite me to your country if you don't wanna be with me? why would you sleep with me if you don't wanna be with me? I am very confused and she seems confused as well.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
,

Sorry that it took me this long to reply. I have not had access to a computer in two weeks.

All my attempts to get her to admit the affair have been vain. She is insisting that she is not up to anything. And yet, her behavior suggests something different. We are currently spending the summer in her country, where the other guy resides. She asked me several time for space. I do not feel welcome at all. She still claims she loves me.

I really don't understand why she is reluctant to tell me the truth so that we can go our seperate ways. Why would you wanna have a child with someone you dont love? Why would accept an engagement ring from someone you don't love? why would invite me to your country if you don't wanna be with me? why would you sleep with me if you don't wanna be with me? I am very confused and she seems confused as well.

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DrFee
DrFee
Psychologist
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20+ years of counseling experience, Wife & Mother