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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hello I started dating a guy in June 2011, Im 31 and he

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I started dating a guy in June 2011, I’m 31 and he is 35.
Things went very well, but we both were not able to open up. I first needed a bit of space and then he wanted a bit of space. At one point he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but asked me to try again a few days later. January 2012 we broke up, I first ended it and then he did. We never argued and always have fun together, but I’m afraid of getting hurt and I got the feeling so was he. He mentioned to me once that he is sorry that he brought his previous relationship problems into our relationship. When we broke up in January (he ended it after our New Year weekend together, without an explanation) I decided to stop all contact and asked him to stop contacting me. He kept sending me messages. In February he started sending e-mails and in March he asked me out again. We started seeing each other again and I must say this time it’s been a lot of fun. We enjoy each other’s company and I love being with him. He makes me happy. For some strange reason about 2 weeks ago, I got really scared he would end the relationship again, not sure where my feelings came from, but within a few days I ended the relationship. But he didn’t accept it, he demanded I see him and discuss the issues. After a lot of convincing, a few phone calls and text messages, I agreed to see him. We spoke about everything and he put all my fears to rest. It was as if we moved into another stage of our relationship. The next day we had a fun time and the week that followed was great. I saw him for dinner on two evenings and the Thursday he asked me to join him and his mom for dinner. Due to work I couldn’t make it and just sent him a text saying, unfortunately I can’t make it. I didn’t hear from him again. On the Friday, I heard nothing and thought maybe he is just busy, so I didn’t contact him. On the Saturday, I was surprised not the hear from him. And decided to keep myself busy for the day. I could have contacted him, but I didn’t. On Sunday I called him and he was so upset. He told me his feelings have changed and he isn’t happy with our situation. I didn’t know what he meant and asked if we could meet. He said he couldn’t, because he had things to do. The next day I texted him and asked if he could meet. We met the evening and he said his feelings towards me haven’t changed but there are things about the relationship that isn’t good for him. I got the feeling he still wanted to be with me, so I told him how I felt about him and then said that I still want to be with him and I’m getting the feeling he does too. He then said, let’s give it a few days.
I didn’t hear from him again and sent him a text saying I miss him and if he feels the same, maybe we could have a drink sometime. He replied and said, a drink sounds nice. Later that evening he texted me again and said he has had a crazy day and it’s just not ending and he feels so exhausted he could just sleep. Then he asked if I could be his nurse and we sent a few joke messages to each other. The next day he sent me a message saying, he has this crazy urge to rip my clothes off, is that normal? So I tried to keep it light and joked back. He invited me over to his place last night and said my clothes won’t stay on long. I couldn’t make it due to other plans and just said that I want to see him and maybe he is free another evening. My question is, is this his way of reaching out to me? Or is this just a guy looking for sex? I’m sure he can get sex anywhere, but it just feels strange that we went from braking up, to him wanted to sleep with me. Today I haven’t heard from him and I’m thinking maybe I told him how I felt, now I need to give him some space? I’m so confused.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.
You both have history have dated before and I feel that he is vsry attracted too you. This is why he is making these gesture to be intimate. He wants to take the relationship to tbe next level. I see why you feel he is being aggressive, but I feel like he is flirting with you. He wants to tell you in his own way that he cant help his attraction too you. He is basically saying when he is around you he cant help bht want you in his life. People just have certain connections with people and I see a string connection that you both have with each other. If you want to take things dlow just tell him you would like to wait,take things slow to get to know each other again.
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