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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My son is 41 years old, has been out of regular work for 4

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My son is 41 years old, has been out of regular work for 4 years, although he does try to get a job sometimes, has always had a problem with personal hygiene (has rotten teeth because he won't brush them and a I have to nag him to take a bath), and just stays in his room all day on the computer. I just don't know what to do with him anymore. He's never worked steadily and I'm afraid someday he won't have anything to fall back on when I'm gone. I don't have much money and can't afford to get his teeth fixed. Are there any options at all anymore?
Hello. This economy is very very difficult for anyone to get a job in. While his ambition and some of the other issues may be part of it, even well groomed, college educated people are having difficulty these days. His issue may be depression which is a vicious cycle that causes all of which you describe. There are several different things going on here. You mention some specifics, such as his teeth. If this is a priority for you and him, you can look into some local dentists which may be able to work with you when it comes to payments. There are some cities throughout the US (I don't know where you live) that offer free dental care a few days a year. If that is important to both of you, you can find a way to get some sort of work done.
You did not mention that one of your concerns was that he was living with you and not paying his share, so I am guessing that this is ok with you. That is perfectly fine, BUT sometimes drawing a line can offer some sort of motivation for him. At 41, you would think he would have figured a lot out by now. He is obviously not willing to make changes in his life. Have you sat him down and had a discussion about these things? Discussing your concerns with him is very important. I would suggest not making it a session of blaming him and putting him down at all for his decisions, but instead talk to him about how the future is important to you and that you worry about what will happen when you are gone. See what of these are also his concerns if any. Always keep an open line of communication with him about this and any problems which may come up.
Ask him if he is happy or if he is depressed about how things are. If he is happy and unwilling to change, you will have a more difficult time convincing him that he needs to better himself. If he is depressed and not very happy about his life, you can both work on finding some solutions to work on together. Try not to make it a you vs him situation, more of how can WE work on this to make it better for both of us.
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