If the JA computer system just erased half an hour of further explanation and guidance I've offered, because I scheduled a followup first, I'm very disappointed, and too much in need of other tasks to redo it. Perhaps I will a week from now. I was celebrating the power of confessing his guilt has had to soothe your own guilt and thus to uncover the Love that had been buried under so many negative relating cycles.
[These cycles are considered the alien enemy of marriages, not either of the partners and NOT any of the problems and irreconcilable differences that every couple has. And these cycles get slowed down, accepted, understood, and thus remodeled in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.]
If you're satisfied with my help please click Accept so I'll get paid. But don't hesitate to ask more questions. [
I advised you to interviewat least 3 marriage therapists over the phone before choosing one. Ask if they have EFCT training, and if not, how they work with your emotions. If they say something like "Oh I help you work out your Real Problems and emotions will take care of themselves" or "the ways I work are too complicated to explain," or "I don't respond to questions like that, just come see me and you'll find out if I can help you" then keep on calling and interviewing until you get some straight answers. If a receptionist says "You'll just have to book a session, and I'm sure you'll be satisfied" keep telephoning and requesting an interview with the therapist him- or herself. Every therapist tries to project warmth over the phone, because without emotional safety you can't get anywhere. But how they value and work with your emotions does matter, esp when so much that has gone on in your recent lives is emotional. Every couple has irreconcilable differences, once the partners each discover their real goals and habits in life, so it's HOW you handle them that matters, not that they have to be resolved.
If a therapist says they do "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" and that is proven to be effective, it means that they're going to try to change how you think and what you do. Their training assumes that feelings are always caused by thinking, so they'll change without much attention."CBT" has positive outcomes research evidence because they have more grad schools teaching it and more professors writing research articles than any other type of therapy, NOT because it's more successful in the long term. Science doesn't happen without money and infrastructure. EFCT has "only" been around for 20 years, with less than 100 professors teaching it worldwide and way less than that writing research articles. CBT began 60 years ago and is taught in virtually every grad school everywhere.
I'm SO disappointed that what I wrote about Empathizing with what your partner has felt because of your actions and feeling & expressing Remorse for those actions has been lost. But I have written about it elsewhere, so perhaps I'll find that and send it along.