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Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Yea my partner has lost the plot throwing things at me and

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Yea my partner has lost the plot throwing things at me and saying horrible things why is she being so resentful towards and treating me like shit I've see a different side to her I didn't see before its really hard to this love woman all is does put barriers up and so cold
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi again.

I'm sorry to hear that you're still experiencing problems with her and I can imagine that the situation is not getting any easier for you. Everyone handles frustration and anger differently, and she's expressing her feelings destructively, rather than simply sitting down with you and talking things out - which would be preferable, of course. I think the best thing to do is to realize that she's dealing with some issues right now that may or may not have to do directly with you. Her behavior might be stemming from something else she's frustrated about - work, family, etc, or she could be frustrated and angry about the way things have evolved in your relationship - it's hard to say for sure. But I think it's important that you try to give her some space to sort things out so that she doesn't inadvertently end up hurting you, and by that I mean physically - if she's throwing things at you, or emotionally, by continuing to say mean or hurtful things toward you. Give her some time and space - she might come around, she might not, but by giving her space she might feel more like you're respecting her wishes and needs. You have to protect yourself - and the only way to do that is to take a few big steps back while she vents and rages. You don't have to stand around and take this type of abuse.
Best wishes.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 530
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I'm moving out and this is the way she reacts she the one throwing me out and treating me like shit I still love her and I don't know why is she treating me like this I'm doing what's she wants and she still throwing that lie in my face I have bought flowers and wrote letters to say I'm so sorry and remorseful and regret lying and she just laughs it off so why she being like this
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
It's a terrible, difficult situation, and I'm sorry to hear that she's still treating you so badly even though you still love her and care about her. And you might always feel that way about her - but you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who's going to act like an adult and treat you well. I think you're making the right move by moving out, but she might be angry because she feels like you're rejecting her - even though she's the one who brought this on herself by acting this way. I don't think it does you any good to try and understand this behavior, because you can drive yourself crazy - and there might simply be no making sense of it. She's acting childishly and irrationally, and it doesn't seem like she's going to change any time soon. Please let me know if you want to discuss it some more. I wish you luck.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 530
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So can you tell me why she being like this because this is not the right behaviour is not normal on relationship and am moving and giving her space and still getting treated like shit I know I stuff up so she keeps reminder me so why Is it that most woman treat guys like shit and we have to wear it I'm over being treated like shit when I cook and clean buy things and still get treated like shit
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
No, it's definitely not normal, and it's not fair to you. Without meeting her in person, I can't say for sure why she's acting this way, but I can tell you that it's possible that she has a personality disorder (like borderline personality disorder - see here to read more about it and the symptoms - it seems consistent with her behavior:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/borderline-personality-disorder/DS00442/DSECTION=symptoms)

I like to think that most women don't treat guys badly - and if they do, I also like to think it's not intentional, in most cases anyway. Sometimes, for example, if people have a really difficult past or a troubled childhood, without good role models for what a healthy relationship should look like, they don't know how to be intimate - emotionally speaking - with another person. That might be the case with her, too, but again, I can't say for sure. I do know that there are women out there who would love to have their man cook and clean and buy them nice things - and would appreciate it, instead of paying you back by treating you badly. I think in order to avoid being treated like shit you just have to remove yourself from the equation altogether and have as little contact with her as possible. If she's treating you badly to get a reaction out of you - to see how you're going to act or if she's being successful in hurting you (which she may want to do, for some sick reason) - then you might want to ignore her, walk away without saying anything when she does yell at you and just not react to her behavior. If she doesn't get a reaction out of you that's she's hoping for, she might stop. But I hope you can get out of there as soon as possible. Good luck.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 530
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
,
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Did you have another question? I just got a blank reply. Just let me know.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea so can alcohol effect her way thinking with Effexor anti depressants then I worry about her but still treats me like shit so what I do
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Yes - drinking alcohol and taking antidepressants can be a very dangerous combination, because it can make her symptoms worse and cause other health problems as well. The Mayo Clinic has an article you might find helpful about this - and you might even want to share with her because in addition to hurting you emotionally, she can be harming herself in a number of ways:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antidepressants-and-alcohol/AN01653/

Of course, it's normal to worry about her because you care about her - that's not so strange. But you also can't be responsible for her - she is an adult and has to take responsibility for her actions - and the consequences of those actions. So in the meantime, if she continues to engage in self-destructive and abusive behaviors - the best thing - even though it might be the hardest thing - is to avoid her as much as possible. She's not seeing reason right now, and no matter what you do, you're not going to do anything that's "good enough" (even if you try) - in her viewpoint. It sounds like you've already tried to help her, but it doesn't seem like she wants help. Sometimes people have to "hit bottom" in order to get help and to realize the impact of their actions on themselves and others (including you.) As tempting as it might be - because you can see her spiraling downward, even if she can't see it herself - you can't save her - you just have to protect yourself right now and hope that one day, she'll learn from her mistakes. Good luck.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i need to know why woman jump from relationship to relationship Im not even out of house yet and is busy texting next guy what wrong with woman or is finding there next bank account because this woman courses me nothing but grief .why is that Im getting treated like shit when she the one being a mind game player and keeps saying will see how it goes then
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I think the thing to do is not to let her treat you this way - and the only way to do that is to be away from her. By still being in the situation with her (and I realize you have to actually move out, find a place, pack and so forth, so it's not immediately easy) you're going to have these types of interactions with her. It sounds to me like she's playing some sort of sick game to see how much she can hurt you - not only with the behaviors you described last time, but also with texting a new guy, and playing these sorts of mind games. It's almost like a power trip - and she's winning, because she can see how much she's hurting you. I cannot answer why she wants to hurt you so much - and I fear you won't get an honest answer from her if you ask. She obviously has a lot of mental problems, from what you've said so far. The only thing that will help is getting away from her, so that she can't continue this nonsense. But not all women jump from relationship to relationship - in fact, I like to think most women don't treat men this way. Most women want a man who will love them and care about them. This is not the norm - it's craziness, it's not representative of a normal healthy relationship at all.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
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Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi I just wanted to give my side as Kerry has been giving only his side. After he tried to hide the fact that he had another child & called the boy "it" several times. He had the paper folded over so I could see & them told me 2 different stories about the woman first he swore that he didn't have a relationship with her, then when I kept asking the next day he changed the story. He also has a debt with child maintenance of over $100,000 which he hadn't mentioned until we moved in together. I was really scared that maybe they could take my house he even suggested I just add it to my home loan. I got really scared, so talked to my friends then I asked him to leave. In the meantime he was arguing with child's services & then threatened the counsellor & said he was going to kill himself. I then had police on my door step twice. I felt that this was too much for me & asked him to leave twice, but he begged me to not to throw him out cause he had no where to go. So I said he could stay as he had a job up north, but this stretched on. Then he started arguing with me when he couldn't get his own way as I made him sleep on the lounge. He was texting & calling me constantly all day every day! I have actually told him to leave 3 times & he argues & he wheedles to stay till he gets job or somewhere to stay, but I don't know what to believe. He has also searched through my personal papers to find numbers & rang my friends he also went through my phone and stood outside my window spying on me. I don't trust him at all or want him here at all, but he goes from begging to be given a chance to yelling at me and accusing me of having affairs. He writes letters apologizing then will spend the next hour arguing with me. I work from home & haven't been able to concentrate because I don't know what he's going to ce out with next!
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,

Nice to hear from you as well. Of course, I realize there are always two sides to every story, so thanks for sharing your information with me. I know he's been feeling very distressed because he says he cares about you and loves you very much. So realize that my replies to Kerry are based on his viewpoint. Now, for what you've said here - I realize it's a very complicated situation and that you are and have been dealing with a lot of issues on your own. Secrets like the ones you've described - in any relationship - can be very damaging and can destroy feelings of trust - especially when it comes to finances and family issues. So I do empathize with what you've shared here and know that it's not just a one-sided issue. I think there's a basic lack of communication stemming from both of you - it's not just you, it's not just him. There are a lot of problems that you've described here (as I'm sure there are more) that contribute to this essential lack of trust. You just can't have a successful relationship if it's built on lies and deception. I do get the feeling, however, that underneath this all, you both do care very much for each other, despite the way things have been going lately. I can see how distressing it is, and I think that you both would benefit from having some time apart. It's hard for you both to get a clear perspective when you're in the midst of everything that's happened. There's this feeling of desperation to "force" things to work out, and I don't think that's going to work, either. You both need some space to clear your heads - this constant spying, deception, accusations, etc, etc, is just simply not good. It's not going to fix anything between you. I believe I did mention in the past that if you both want to work on things together, you have to start by wiping the slate clean (as much as possible) and get started with couples counseling. I'm not sure if that is an option at this point, but I do feel like the situation has become overwhelming for you both, and it's just too much for two people to handle on their own.
Thanks for getting in touch, and let me know if you want to talk some more.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea I know I f**k up this Kerry now she getting the new guy down next weekend so how can I be over moon about that when I haven't even got a chance to make it right and now I'm moving it makes it hard when you still love the woman and care for her I know I didn't tell her about other child because courses me nothing but grief since and it really got nothing to do with relationship and she didn't tell me she on anti depressants either so why it all my fault that her feelings have change and only reason I spy on her is would tell me the truth and keep lying
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi Kerry,

I think it takes two to tango. You both played a role here -and it's pointless to go on about who's to blame more or less. The important thing is moving on from the past. It's not always possible - but it can happen if you both want it to. It's also not always easy to let go of past hurts and betrayals. She may still feel wounded from what's happened in the past - and it's possible that she can't recover from that - only she can say for sure. I know you say you feel like the child doesn't have anything to do with your relationship - and what's done is done, of course. But being in a relationship means being open and honest with the person you're with - and not telling someone something as important as this is basically the same as lying about it. But again - just as you say, she didn't tell you about the medication. So you're both at fault. I want to be clear about this - it is not just you, it is not just her. Any relationship requires active participation of both people - or it's not a relationship.

Basically - you have to decide right now if you both want to be together. If it's a one-sided thing, it's not going to work. You can decide that you want to ultimately be together, but that you need a break first. I think that would be a wise move in any case. You both need space - as I mentioned earlier, there's too many volatile emotions going on right now, and things can quickly become over-heated and get out of control. Take a few steps back - both of you. Re-evaluate what you want. If you really, truly love each other, then you can work through anything - but it has to be a joint process. You can't want it more than she does - and vice versa.

Another point to be made is that you both need to stop lying and covering things up. No digging through each other's things, no spying, etc, etc. You need to rebuild a solid foundation for trust. You need to be an open book with each other - no more secrets.

I'm not sure if you are both ready for this yet, however. You have to be able to sit down and talk with each other rationally (no throwing things, no name calling, etc) in order to discuss this. (This is why I think couples counseling would be a good forum for you both - you need a mediator present to help avoid conflicts and further escalation of an already difficult situation.)
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 530
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I know that we are not perfect but I do have feelings for this woman and now rubbing it in my face with the new bloke coming down this weekend how I suppose to feel and I'm the one that be treated like shit for major f**k up and yet this woman is still cold and shitty towards me and it's alright that I run around after her and she treats me that doormat so I don't think there is any future when she getting new guy in already so what do I do I still have feelings and this woman doesn't give a flying f**k about my feelings and how much she hurts me
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
It's very difficult to say because I don't entirely understand the motivation for her becoming involved with this new guy while you are still in the picture. To me, if she is seriously considering starting something with him, then I would have to say that you have to think about moving on - as painful as it might be. I can't answer for her - but I can see that this situation is causing you so much grief and pain, and there's not much you can do to change it right now if you both aren't on the same page with wanting to work things out. Have you discussed this with her? What does she say? Does she want to work things out with you or does she want to end things for good?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea I think it's over but she wanting to buy my washing machine and other stuff I paid for now she threw the paper on wrote it on she thought I would leave here for her to used and thinking was wrong she still playing games I think this women loves playing with the guys emotions and feeling and gets a kick out of how much pain she can cause
I
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
It might be the case, but I'm not sure she's enjoying this process very much either. It just seems that it's a way for her to deal with pain and/or anger about what's happened in the past and what is currently happening. I know going through a breakup like this can be really difficult - for both parties. But I think it can be helpful to realize that she might be covering up her own feelings of pain by acting this way, too. In any case, I feel like you're banging your head against the wall trying to figure out a way to get things to work out, but at the same time, you know, on some level, that it's better if you are apart right now. You have to try to accept things - although they are obviously far from perfect and far from the way you'd like them to be. But you also don't want to risk making the situation worse by continuing to interact to this extent with each other. I feel like you're driving yourself up the wall trying to figure out why she's acting this way and how you can get things to change (and that is, of course, normal for everyone, to a certain extent, in situations like this) but I don't think it's in either of your best interests. I do feel like there is a lot of hurt and pain underneath these actions - but you're both too involved in the situation to see things clearly. I really hope that you will be able to give yourself some space soon, so that you don't have to stay in this chaotic environment much longer. Just work out the practicalities - how to split up what needs to be split up (I know this is by no means an easy task) and try to limit your interactions to this until you can move out.
Good luck.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 530
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So why is that she throwing the new guy in my face is it because wants to cause more pain and suffering because she know how I feel what type of loves doing this to hurt someone she hasnt even got me out and now goes and start a other must be good not to have feelongs and treat the guy like shit and keep rubbing it in with new guy it does make it any easier I've got feelings for her and she plays on that I hope that she realize not many guys would put up with this shit and being play emotionally and she comes realize what I have done for her
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I don't know why she is throwing him in your face, as you put it. I think it could be because she is trying to get under your skin or because she's trying to distract herself from what's really going on between the two of you - sort of like a rebound relationship - which usually does not mean anything to the person who initiated it (her), in the end. I do think that you're really not doing yourself any favors by displaying your feelings for her so openly - because that only leaves you open to being walked all over (as you feel is happening here.) I do hear you that you care about her - I really do. And I think she knows that as well. But for as best as I can imagine, she's doing this to either get to you or as a way of dealing with her own feelings of grief over the end of your relationship - or, of course, there is the possibility that she actually likes him - but I'm not psychic so I can't say for sure. But you know what is more likely - people who want to hurt other people are usually hurting themselves - think of bullies at school. They are usually picking on other kids because they are being hurt at home in one way or the other. So sometimes, the way to deal with your own feelings of hurt and pain is to try to hurt someone else. Am I saying this is healthy? Absolutely not. Do I think it's fair to either of you? Definitely no. But you can't keep torturing yourself like this - wondering about him and so forth. It's not healthy for you - remember this - despite what has happened in the past, you do both deserve to be happy. And you might love her and care about her, but ask yourself if this is the way you want to be treated by someone you love? Does this look like a healthy relationship to you? I don't think so. I know I must sound like a broken record by now, but you both need to stop this. Stop trying to hurt each other. I don't know when you are planning to move out, but the sooner the better - despite your feelings underneath. Once you have some space and time to breathe, then you can sort things out. But you cannot do it with this constant chaos. Chaos breeds chaos - so the crazier things get, the crazier they will keep getting. Just please try to let things lie for now. Leave them alone, leave her alone, get out of the house, be around each other as little as possible. I really do believe this is the best thing for you right now.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So I move out and I will take all my stuff now I don't think this woman is worth all this effort when she has new man on the scene and loves playing mind games and emotional games for her benefit to make her feel better about what she had done I think she will keep going from relationship to relationship because she can't handle it and start to run when things get serious which she doesn't want To me she is just a gold digger
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I think you're right to make this move. I know it takes a while to come to this type of realization - and regardless of the reasons (because at this point, you can run over and over through things in your head, either about the new man, or what went wrong in the relationship - you're not doing yourself any favors) things just didn't work out. I wouldn't give up hope on all women - it just seems that for some reason, you two are simply not compatible. I can understand how you're feeling angry and upset about it (with what you're saying about maybe it being all about the money and so forth) but at this point, it might be beneficial to try to move past the anger and just try (as difficult as it is) to look to the future. You will find someone who more closely shares your values and viewpoints. I know it might sound trite, but perhaps it's better that things have ended now between the two of you instead of letting things drag on and on, only to have things end in a few years anyway. After all, some people stay in miserable relationships their whole lives - so at the very least, hopefully now you can move on (eventually) and find someone who will actually make you happy. Good luck with the whole moving out process.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea how can this woman have feelings onecminute and the next. Nothing what kind sick game this woman playing must get a thrill out of things how many guys she can hurt for being hurt her past or just getting the kicks out of playing games and emotional ones too so I think this type woman needs help and counsellor to make the real issue come to surface why is gets a thrill in hurting people that care for her and have feelings for her
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
You might be right about that - from what you've said, however, I don't know if she's really consciously playing a game or, like I mentioned a bit earlier, just acting out her feelings of anger or rage or whatever it is that is going on with her regarding the ending of your relationship. You know, regardless of the anger and the acting out, she might still have feelings for you, deep down. If this situation didn't bother her, I don't think she'd be acting this way. You know - if you really don't care about someone, you don't act one way or the other. You're indifferent. The person doesn't matter to you - but when someone has the power to hurt you (because you care about them) - that's when the acting out and the anger comes out (not everyone handles it this way, of course. This is a very unhealthy way to handle the situation, but it is what it is.) Hopefully you both will seek counseling to help you recover and deal with the break up. Because there are a lot of hurt feelings on both sides of the table - I don't think it's just coming from you. But I think it can be dangerous if you try to analyze her motives - because as much as we speculate about it, she is the only one who can really answer why she's acting this way. Try to leave things on the table for the next few days and spend time away from each other. I fear that things will only get worse if you try to figure out why things are the way that they are right now - just try to let them be and let things lie for a little while so you both can cool off.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea I am going to give next six weeks without contact and see what reaction I get I was told by other counsellor that in time she might wake up and see what she missing out I don't know but all I can do give us some space and I do think deep down she still cares and reacting and trying to hurt this person approves that's or it just my. Game playing to get thrill out who knows with this woman one minute she cares for you next she doesn't but she has to see what she doing by going to relationship to relationship is not helping sorting out her issues that is has but I think she loves the thrill game playing and seeing how many times she can hurt this person that really cares for her and doesn't want long term commitment and start to run when guy want serious relationship so going from guy to guy fulfill her needs and the next victim of her sick game playing until she gets help that she needs to sort out issue from past relationships
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
It might be true - I think we discussed this a bit too at one point. She might realize what she's lost if you don't have contact for a while. This is not uncommon - but you also have to give yourself space to evaluate things, to see if that would even be something you would want at this point. I think she cares (I saw this from the message she posted in our thread yesterday) - but I think there are just a lot of unresolved issues between the two of you that sort of got in the way. Space might help that - it is, after all, easier to be angry and act out at someone when they are actually physically sharing the same space. Time apart can give a different perspective. Maybe that's what's needed. But the thing is, if you think she's really this type of person who wants to play games and hurt people (I'm not too sure about this, however) then you have to ask yourself why you would want to be with someone like that in the first place. She might want long-term commitment, but she also needs that with someone she can trust. You two might be able to work things out (regarding the trust issues) with a counselor (in person) after you've had some time apart. But for now, I would try to realize that she most likely is not this horrible, hateful person who's just trying to get to you - she's also just a human being who's probably feeling hurt and angry for her own reasons. And you two can't communicate about that yet because you're always around each other and there's no time for feelings to cool off. So, either way, that's why a cooling off period is a good idea right now (in my opinion.) If things are meant to be, then you'll come back together - and if not, then it wasn't meant to be in the end anyway. But you have to just look out for yourself and breathe and try not to react to the game playing and the anger. Try not to get mad or yell or anything - just be as cool and calm as you possibly can. It's hard to yell at someone who's calm and who isn't yelling back.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea I think the break but can you explain why she is so content to keep me hanging in there she must to have feelings but with this new guy on the seen is that going to make it harder for her to make her mind up I was in for the long term had engagement we pick out together and I know we both issues to deal with but I hope that she get help too so what you opinion about us then do you think there some hope then
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I can't tell you for sure why she is keeping you hanging in there. I do agree with you that I think somewhere deep down she may still have feelings for you, on some level. If she didn't care, I don't think she would have come online yesterday to type her message sharing her point of view - I just don't think she would have bothered at all if she absolutely did not care. But I cannot explain the new guy - my gut feeling is that he is just a diversion and that there's no "real" feelings there. I think he's just someone she might be using as a distraction while the two of you go through what you're going through right now. I think that there is a possibility that you can work things out - but again, I think you need a few weeks of separation to let things cool off before that can happen. I know you are afraid of losing her - but forcing the issue now won't make it happen any faster. If it is meant to be, the two of you will come back together - even if you have some time and space. Then you can both think about whether you want to proceed with the relationship and put the work into it to "repair" things and perhaps make a fresh start. So I think it's possible - but it is going to take time, if it does happen at all. Give each other space to breathe and just let things take their natural course for the next few weeks - and I wouldn't worry too much about the other guy right now either... I'll be back online tomorrow morning if you want to talk about it some more.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea the woman has been texting me and asking question she must be missing me or just bored it only been one night and I think she taking a hard look at the situation or why keep texting then I reckon she has feelings and she doesn't want to show them so what do think
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
To be honest with you, I do think she does have feelings for you, at least it seems that she does based on everything you've been describing over the past few days, although I do think she is troubled about exactly what she is feeling - otherwise, I don't think she would keep texting you. There are a lot of different emotions going on, and I think eventually, things will diffuse and the anger will subside and what's underneath (the "real" feelings) will hopefully come to the surface. I mean, there is a reason the two of you got together in the first place, and if you both could focus on that and forget the other stuff, then I think things can work out. But I think it's smart for you to take a good look at things and give it some more time. I think I mentioned previously that distance often helps couples who are in trouble, because it gives you a different perspective and (sometimes) helps you appreciate things about the other person that you can't always see when you're stuck in the middle of things (i.e. the difficult situation the two of you have been stuck in for some time now.) Just hang in there and try to keep calm, although I know it's hard. You both care about each other - that much is obvious to me. I'll be offline for a bit, but I'll check back in with you later in case you want to talk some more. Try to relax - things often do have a strange way of working out.
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Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 530
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So why am I having trouble sleeping and my mind is racing about this woman I just care so much and she knows how to get to me I do think that she will start to miss what I done for her and the doggies so do you think this new guy just a distraction then to cover up her feeling towards me so will just have to wait and see how things go next couple weeks
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,

It's not so strange that you're having trouble sleeping. I do empathize with what you're dealing with, because I know it's occupying your mind to such a big extent. You're upset and worried - and that's a main reason that a lot of people suffer from insomnia - but as difficult as it can be, you have to try not to let your imagination run away with itself. I can't say for sure if this new guy is a distraction - based on what I know, it does seem likely, but as you said, only time will tell for sure. What is obvious to me is that you care about her very much, and I am sure she is aware of this. The best thing you can do for yourself is try to take good care of yourself and get some sleep. I know it's hard, but you're not doing yourself any favors by worrying the night away. I do think you are doing the right thing by taking the attitude of "wait and see" - you both have been through a lot over the past few weeks, and I think it's a good idea to let things cool off, then regroup and have a discussion with her to see where things can go next. If it is meant to be, then she will start to miss you, as you miss her. But it's something that has to occur in its own time - so as difficult as it is, you have to try to let it just be what it is right now. Things aren't going to stay this way forever.
Hope you are able to get some rest, and take it easy.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 530
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea I think I great news she said give her a month what is that a good side or not then Im on way to gym now so I hope it all goes well ,W
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I hope it all goes well, too. It sounds like she is asking for space - which, I think we've agreed so far, is a good idea, so that she can put things in perspective and just cool off. It's smart to give it a month (approximately) and then agree that you'll meet to discuss things - that way, things aren't up in the air and it's not like this period of "space" is indefinite. In the meantime, I wanted to make two suggestions to you that I think would be helpful, things you can do to work on yourself during this period of separation. Not sure how you will feel about it but I am throwing the ideas out at you anyway. One is that I think it would be a good idea to get a copy of the book "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" bu XXXXX XXXXX. It is a very well-known relationship self-help book that helps explain the opposite sex - they way they think and so forth - and also why things can go wrong in relationships (and what you can do to prevent that from happening in the future). I'm going to give you a link to the author's website in case you're interested in learning more about his work and the books he's written:
http://www.marsvenus.com/
The other thing I think might be smart is to just get in to see a counselor - even if you only see the counselor for a month until you get together to talk with her again. I think it's a good idea for you both to see someone individually, to discuss some of the things that "went wrong" in the relationship and to learn how you can work on these issues and again, possibly prevent them from happening in the future. I don't remember if I've already given you this website, but just in case, you can find a counselor in your area through the "find a registered counselor" link:
http://www.theaca.net.au
I would suggest that you try to honor each other's need for space at this point. Again, despite whatever problems you've had, you both do care about each other, underneath it all. Sometimes, space and time are the best remedy. Try not to worry too much, although a certain amount of worry is understandable - you don't want to make yourself sick or have continued trouble sleeping, of course. Try to let things take their course and unfold naturally. I do think it's a positive sign that she said she wants a month, and I think that gives you both time to make changes that can help - regardless of whether you get back together or not. Hang in there.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 530
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea we talk today and she ask for month and I will do what you suggest to get book and still go gym and do anything to make it work I have try to get to see counsellor and I to see one next week I'm feeling a lot better with the hope of getting back with the love of life and I will try and do anything to make it a success take what I want
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
That's really great to hear - and please let me know what happens in a month in any case. I wish you lots of luck - and while I can't see into the future, I do hope things will work out, and I have a feeling they will. Feel free to contact me if you need any more help, of course - but I do hope you will see a counselor in person. Best wishes.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ive been on that website that you suggested and i want to know from a expect do you think we have a chance to get back together and i want to make sure that issues are sort before that month what do you think im looking for some information that i need for my peace of mind thats all you have been a great help and im going to keep doing counselling and get on top of things
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
,Ive been on that website that you suggested and i want to know from a expect do you think we have a chance to get back together and i want to make sure that issues are sort before that month what do you think im looking for some information that i need for my peace of mind thats all you have been a great help and im going to keep doing counselling and get on top of things
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I can't see the future, but I do think, based on what I know about the two of you, that there is probably a good chance that you can get back together, providing that you both want to be together, and are willing to commit to each other and put the work into the relationship to change the things that need changing. I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't think it was true, because I do see that you both care about each other. The hard part is actually making those changes - but sometimes, things need to get worse before they can get better. And I think in your case, things needed to get to this point so that you could both learn from your mistakes so you could move forward. Breaking up helped you realize the things you need to change and work on, and hopefully, that's also happening on her end of things. I am glad to hear that you'll be pursuing counseling and hopefully, reading that book. I know it's been a lifesaver to many couples. Counseling, patience, compassion for each other and using some of the insight in that book can increase the chances that you two can work things out. Best wishes to you, and please let me know if you need additional help.
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Category: Relationship
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea it going over in mind abt that new guy why is she still going to see then Do you think she going give me a chance after this month it's hard not contacting I miss her so much I bought some towels for her and she thank me but said I hope I don't have to pay for them it's still racing ard in my mind I don't want to get hopes and emotions to involved and then she say no to getting back together what do think I would like you view of this
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi again,

I can imagine how much anxiety you're feeling about this, and I wish I could reassure you and give you a 100% guaranteed answer that she will want to get back together after a month and things will work out, but of course, I can't do that. I do think that she cares for you, and I do think that there is a good chance that the two of you can work things out. My thinking behind this is that if there was no chance, she wouldn't even want to talk to you and she wouldn't tell you that she needs a month. If you absolutely do not want to be with someone, you don't (usually) tell them that there might be a chance things could work out, unless you don't want to hurt their feelings, and I don't think that is what is going on here. I do think there is a chance. But I also don't want you to drive yourself crazy during the next month worrying about it. If the thing with the new guy really worries you, you could just ask her about it. What a lot of my clients also do in situations like this is write a letter to the other person explaining your feelings (the good and the bad) and then give it (or mail it, or email it) to the other person. It's sometimes easier to express your feelings in writing. Not sure how you'd feel about that, but I just wanted to make the suggestion because it seems like it might be a bit easier for you if you could get all of your feelings out and express them to her. Again, I also don't want you to get your hopes up, so try to keep as realistic and objective a viewpoint as possible. I think things could go either way, but I do believe there is hope (or I would honestly tell you that I think there's no chance of things working out!). Take care.
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Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 530
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
YEA GOT A TEXT TODAY FROM PARTNER CALLING ME ARSE-HOLE I GOT ASK BY THE SISTER-LAW HOW WERE WE GOING AND I SAID I MOVE OUT AND A SHE WAS WITH THE NEW GUY I DIDNT LIE THAT WHAT GOT ME WHERE WE ARE .THEN THE NEXT THING FLOODING TEXTS ABOUT HER BEEN TEXTING THIS GUY FOR A MONTH AND HE MAKES HER HAPPY I HAVE BEEN UNHAPPY FOR AWHILE AND MY FRIENDS LIKE HIM .SHE SAID SHE SHITTY AT ME FOR SPYING AND I TOOK THE WINE AT OF THE FRIDGE BUT I PAID FOR ALL THE GROCERIES SINCE WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND ABUSING HER FRIENDS WHEN I DIDNT AND LOOKING IN PHONE NOW SHE GOT SNOTTY FOR NOTING IT WAS GTHE TRUE BUT HER SISTER-LAW WERENT ALLOW TO KNOW WHATS THE BIG SECRET I CANT WIN WHAT EVER I DO SHE SEEM TO FIND SOMETHING TO PUT ME DOWN SO WHATS YOUR SUGGESTION NOW
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Can you tell me something - is she actually "with" the new guy, or is she just texting him and using him to make you jealous? Do you know what is actually going on between them? What does she mean when she says you abused her friends? I'm going to reply to your message as soon as I hear from you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I RANG ONE of Friends that was texting her asking for a relationship when we going out and keep texting to meet somewhere so how i suppose to trust so i ask him if he sleep with her that was it
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I RANG ONE of Friends that was texting her asking for a relationship when we going out and keep texting to meet somewhere so how i suppose to trust so i ask him if he sleep with her that was it he coming down this weekend to stay at her place
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Okay, so I understand what you're saying (I think) with your reply to what she means about "abusing her friends" - but what about whether she is with this new guy? Do you know if they are actually together? Is he just a friend of hers? I'm just trying to figure out if she is in a new relationship already or if this is just something that she's using to get at you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I KNOW SHE PICKING HIM UP AT AIRPORT ON FRIDAY NIGHT AND STAYING FOR THE WEEKEND AND SHE KEEP SAYING HE MAKES HER HAPPY WHEN TEXTING SO I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK SO THAT WHY ASKING EXPERT

Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Right - I understand that, but it's helpful for me sometimes to have a bit more information in order to best help you. Because in this situation, if she's "pretending" to have a new relationship - just texting another guy to get at you, that's one thing. If she is spending time with him and trying to actually start a new relationship, that's another. To be honest with you, and I am not sure you are going to like hearing this - and I still think there might be a small chance of things working out in the end, of course - I do not think it's in your best interest to continue to pursue her. You do not deserve to be treated like this. I feel like you're wearing your heart on your sleeve and she's stepping all over it, and it's not fair to you. Regardless of what's happened between you in the past, and regardless of who did what wrong when, this is no way to treat someone if you want to try to work things out.
To me it now sounds like maybe she was asking you for a month so she could see if things would work out with the new guy, so keeping you on the back burner, so to speak.
I know you are devoted to her, and I know you really care for her - but you really have to do some soul-searching here. I think you deserve to be with someone who is going to appreciate you for who you are, not someone who's going to throw it in your face that she's seeing a new guy and kind of keep you hanging around "just in case." It sounds to me like she is telling you something very obvious now - she says he makes her happy. And they are spending the weekend together. Now, of course there may be some part of her that is trying to hurt you through all of this. But do you really want to be involved in this merry-go-round? Don't you think you deserve better than this? I do. And I don't think you should keep this going much longer - if she wants to be with you in a month, then you can meet to discuss it. But in light of all of this, right now I feel like you are better off trying to start moving on with your life, even if there might be a small chance that things might work in the future - you can't live your life hanging on to hope while she's out there spending time with other guys. That's not the way relationships are supposed to work. You deserve to be with someone who will love you for you - not someone who's going to play these mental mind games with you. Let me know what you think about this.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
YEA ITS GREAT IM STARTING TO REALIZE THAT SHE PLAYING ME HAS FOOL AND I JUST HER TODAY SINCE YOU WONT GIVE US A CHANCE THATS ALRIGHT I WILLHAVE TO LIVE WITH IT MY f**k UP AND LOSS OKAY SO HOW MANY TIMESTO I HAVE TO SAY IM SO SORRY FOR HURTING YOU FOR MY MAJOR f**k UP AND IM THE ONE LOSING THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I know - trust me, I know how hard it is. But I think you deserve better than this. You don't deserve to be treated like leftovers, and I fear that this is what's happening now. I think in any case the best bet is to pull back from her. Don't contact her. Don't talk to her or text or email or anything. I'm not suggesting that you play games, but I think you're too available to her. So she feels like she can act however she wants, and no matter what she does, you'll always be there. And she doesn't have time to miss you even if she wants to because she knows you'll always be around.
You both played a role in what happened in your relationship - it's NOT just your fault. I know you are blaming yourself, but trust me - it is definitely a two way street.
Right now, as hard as it is, I think you have to cut her loose. It's the only way for things to move forward, one way or the other. You're not doing yourself any favors by sticking around and begging and pleading and apologizing. If it hasn't made a difference so far, it's not going to help now. Sometimes, relationships make a turn-around through distance and space. Distance and space are the best things to help you move on, too. There's nothing else, as far as I can see it, that you can do here. You really have to take care of yourself and stop beating your head against the wall. Trust me when I tell you that by pulling back and stopping contact with her, things will change for the better. One way or the other. She might start to miss you and realize she's made a mistake. Or you might realize you're better off without her and move on with your life. Just hear me when I say that you deserve better than this. No one deserves to be treated like a doormat.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

YEA TODAY I GOT ONE TEXT SAYING THERE WAS MAIL AND MEET IN TOWN SOMEWHERE ,NOT HER PLACE .I TEXT BACK SAYING SHE MUST BE THE MOST UNGRATEFUL WOMAN I KNOWN I HAVE PUT UPWITH MORE OF YOUR CRAP TO SUIT YOURSELF I BOUGHT YOU THE NEW TOWELS I FELT SORRY AND GUILTY FOR TAKING THOSES OTHER ONES ALL I GET ISV YOUR RUBBISH AND RUNNINGB ME DOWN AND I TREATED YOU LIKE A QUEEN UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO SHUT DOWN AND PUT BARRIERS UP IN THE RELATIONSHIP. SO YOU LOVE PLAYING MIND GAMES AND I DESERVE SOMEONE WHO CAN KNOWLEDGE MY REGRET AND APOLOGY AND I TREAT YOU WITH THE UP MOST RESPECTAND LOVE YOU THRUGH ALLTHIS CRAP AND YOU KEEP THROWING AT ME

Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Good for you! I think you are smart to let her know how you're feeling, and that you aren't going to sit around and just wait while she does whatever she feels like doing. I feel like she's playing a bit of a mind game with you with this back and forth - it's almost like she feels like you're just going to put up with it, and I think by telling her this, you've finally put your foot down and let her know that you're not willing to be treated this way. And you DO deserve someone who is going to appreciate you and respect you. So I'm glad to hear that you said so to her.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
YEA I THINK THIS WILL WAKE HER IDEAS UP THAT IM NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH HER CRAP ANYMORE AND I PUTTING HER BEHIND ME BECAUSE I THINK THAT I HAVE TO MOVE ON TO SOMEONE THAT APPRECIATE ME .IM STARTING TO THINK IT HISTORY BUT I WILL LEAVE HER ALONE FOR THAT MONTH WHAT DO THINK
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
YES!!!!! I am so glad to hear you saying these things! I know it takes time, but it seems like you've finally had enough of being treated this way. I do believe you have a good heart and I do think there is someone out there who's going to treat you right. All relationships are learning experiences - and so this experience hasn't been for nothing. But maybe it's helped you to realize that you don't have to be treated like this, and that you deserve better. Putting her behind you is the best thing you can do right now (even though it still hurts and there are still issues going on). And if she can move on, so can you :)
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
DID YOU GET MY LAST QUESTION WHEN I SAID SHE WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO BE A MEAL TICKET AND PAY FOR EVERYTHING AND HE WILL BE THE VICTIM SO I THINK SHE JUST USED ME AND THEN WHEN I STOP GIVING HER ALL THE MONEY THE RELATIONSHIP WENT PEAR SHAPE AND SHE WAS OUT LOOKING FOR NEXT GUY TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING IM A BIT GUTTED BUT I WILL SURVIVE THIS LESSON THAT THERE ARE SOME USING WOMAN OUT THERE I THINK SHE WONT CHANGE FROM RELATIONSHIP TO RELATIONSHIP AND STAY ON HER ANTI DESPRESSANTS AND MIX THEM WITH ALCOHOL AND GETTING MOODY AND THRWING SHITTYS AT PEOPLE
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
DO YOU THINK WITH ME TELLING HER HOW I FEEL THAT WILL MAKE HER WAKE UP OR I DO THINK I SHOULD GIVE HER A MONTH OR NOT I STARTING TO THINK THAT SHE ARE USER AND MOVE ON I KNOW THAT I GOT LET HER GO AFTER THAT MONTH I THINK
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Sorry for the delay. Yes, I see that you're saying that you feel like she was using you for financial purposes. That may be the case - and the next guy may very well be the next "victim" - if your gut feeling is that she was using you, then I don't really see why you'd want to be with her anyway. I think telling her how you feel might wake her up - you can always see what happens after a month, but if I were you, I wouldn't bother. I think you're better off moving on - but only you can answer how you really feel and what you really want to do, I can only give you my advice.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

YEA I GOT THAT BOOK TODAY MEN ARE FROM MARS WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS YEA STARTING TO FEEL ALOT BETTER SINCE I LET ALL THE EMOTIONS OUT AND SHE ONLY TXT ONCE TODAY AND I TOLD TO BUSY GOT ANOTHER APPOINTMENT SO CATCH UP FOR MAIL LATER SO I THINK SHE STILL TRYING TO WINE ME IN AND OUT FOR HER GAMES IT NOTB GOING TO WORK HA HA SHE MUST BE STARTING TO REALIZE IM NOT PLAYING HER GAME NOW

Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I'm really glad to hear that you got the book, it's probably the one book that I recommend most to people who've either gone through a breakup or having relationship difficulties - and it really does help. (and if you like it, he has a whole bunch more on different relationship topics!) Let me know what you think after you read a bit more. It sounds like you're starting to make peace with things. I think you're handling it well - and it's very smart of you not to get involved in the game playing. Having no reaction right now to text messages and things certainly sends the message that you're not playing this game any more. It takes time, but I think you're getting there. Keep me posted.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I do think that she starting to miss me been around or just playing games to let see if I'm going to wait
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I think that's a smart move. And I think the ball is in your court - so you decide whether you want to give it a month or whether you just want to move on.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Can u tell me whats its going to cost and I know you have taken money out of my account and im not working at the moment so please let me know when you are taking money out because i need it okay

Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Experts don't handle the processing of payments. You can contact Just Answer customer service for information on payments and your account here:
http://ww2.justanswer.com/help
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Yea could you get them to ring me +61 XXXXXXXXXX australia or email so i can talk to them okay

Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
You'd have to contact them through the website. It's not a free service that we provide and experts are only credited for answers that are accepted - we don't make a salary here. But you can contact customer service and someone will respond.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
YEA LAST NIGHT ALL I GOT WAS HER TEXTING SAYING GOT THIS AND THAT OF HER AND SHE TEXT THIS NOW ITHINKBACKIF YOU HADNT THROWN YOUR MONEY AROUND WE PROBABLY WOULDNT HAVE LASTED AS LONG AS WE DID THEN I TEXT BACK YOU GOT SOME MENTAL ISSUES WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS THAT NOT ALL ABOUT MONEY AND HOW MUCH YOU CAN GET GOOD TO SEE YOUR TRUE COLOURS FINALLY YOUR TRUE COLOURS SO IN THE END YOU WILL BE LONELY OLD LADY IT WILL TO LATE YOU WILL JUST KEEP GOING FROM GUY TO GUY SO YOU CAN GET YOUR THRILLS AND PLAY YOUR SICK MIND GAMES I THINK YOU HAVE BEEN ON THOSE ANTI DEPRESSANTS PILLS TO LONG AND MIXING THEM WITH WINE HASNT HELP ITS MADE YOU BITTER I WISH YOU LUCK KEEP TAKING THOSE LIFE LINE PILLS MAKE YOU SO SCREW UP
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,

I think it's a hurtful thing she's said saying that if you hadn't thrown your money around you wouldn't have lasted as long. I wouldn't take it to heart because she probably doesn't mean it but is just saying it to hurt you. I think you're both just getting out your hurt feelings and anger, and that happens when relationships end. I know it's tempting to reply to her messages, but it might even be more effective to not reply. I would try not to engage too much in the text message conversations in either case, if possible, because most likely, nothing productive will come of it. Good luck.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So why is she still trying to hurt me when loverboy down don't think that is should be worrying about that not me to see if it going to last or not she must have nothing better to do than trying to make me upset to make her feel better that's is trying to get to me So she the one that been texting to 11pm last night and she text today to say leave her alone and she be texting me since and I haven't reply
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yea I think she still playing games and just getting a thrill out of it so I stop reply to those nasty texts still trying to wind me up and not working and it's piss her off
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I think it's wise not to reply. I think she is just trying to hurt you with the texts - why she is doing this, I don't know. But I do know that there's nothing to be gained from texting her back except more aggravation, so you're better off just ignoring it if you can.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So can you tell me why see being so nasty to me when on not nasty to her and she trying to keep me in the picture or why do woman have to hurt the person they were suppose to love and cherished so I'm starting to move on and all she trying to do is upset and piss me off then
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Yes - because she is trying to get under your skin for some reason. I don't know if it's because she still cares about you (if she didn't care about you, why would she bother still keeping in contact? And why would she still try to make you angry? To me, when people try to "piss each other off", they are expressing hurt and angry feelings that they can't own themselves.) And for some reason, she might not want you to move on. I don't know why that is, because I can't see inside her head, but she might know that by being nasty to you, she's keeping you involved in the picture because she still has the power to upset you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So do you think she getting a thrill or is she just playing games and trying to piss off and I getting sick of her treating me like shit and why is she shitty with me I have treat her like a queen and done everything I have be ask so I'm trying to get on with my life and she still trying to get at me anyway so what do you I'm not replying so why so hurtful then
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
If you want the game to stop, you're going to have to stop participating and stop trying to understand why she's acting the way she's acting. You're only driving yourself crazy by trying to figure it out. In reality, it doesn't matter why she's doing it - she might be doing it to make you crazy and stop you from moving on with your life. Don't let her treat you like shit - she can only do this if you allow it. If you stop interacting with her, then she can't treat you badly. I think you might be better off by stopping the hope that she might change or she might come around. IF she does, it will happen anyway. How you treated her in the past doesn't seem to matter at this point - even though I know you say you treated her well. But this constant back and forth game playing isn't doing you any good. You don't want to be with someone who's going to play these games with you, anyway. I would just ignore her texts (or block them) - if she keeps sending the, fine, let her send them. But you don't have to reply - and you might just want to delete them before you even read them. There's no good that can come of it. Just try to keep yourself distracted and do things to get your mind off of this.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I don't want this woman back if she just playing games and my emotions because I told her I still love and miss the doggies and her and now she using that to get to me when it isn't I been going to gym and trying to get her out of my system Im trying to move on and I hope to be moving out of district and start new job but I have been ignoring her and deserve better this game playing woman and playing games and getting a thrill out of it so I not worry about her new loverboy or meal ticket
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Good that you're being active and trying to keep yourself distracted. Eventually, if you keep ignoring her and keeping busy, the game-playing and texting will stop. It's not easy to move on, you just have to take it one step at a time. Try not to let her get to you and try to stay calm - don't let her push your buttons.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I still think she still has feelings or she wouldn't be doing this shit or it's just a game to her to she can far she can push the emotions or what Im starting read that book woman are read and judge at time
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
You're right - she might have feelings, otherwise she wouldn't keep engaging with you. But you just have to let this run its course and see what happens. Try not to give it too much thought.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So why I'm feeling like shit then I'm still trying to work out and why is being so hurtful and cruel why do they do this am I being pitty or she just playing games to hurt me what do I do it's driving me crazy why me getting all this grief for
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I really don't know the answer to this question. I can't tell you what's in her mind because I'm not psychic. I know you want an answer to this question, but the only real way for you to know for sure is to confront her and ask her - because no one can say what she's thinking or why she's doing things like this except her. And then you can tell her to stop. Tell her to stop contacting you if you don't want to be hurt any more. My opinion is that she is doing it to hurt you - but why she wants to hurt you is anyone's guess. We can only imagine why - but if you really want to know, your best bet is to ask her. But she can't hurt you if you don't let her - if you keep reading her messages and so forth, then she is going to be able to get to you and this pattern is going to go on and on... I also just wanted to let you know that I am going away for three weeks as of Tuesday, so I won't be online often. But I am happy to answer your questions until then.
In the meantime, you have to try to put this out of your mind. It's not going to help if it's the only thing you're thinking about. It's normal to feel bad - because you've been through a break up. Only time is going to help ease the pain.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you I'm still wondering why she is being so evil and hurtful when I don't treat this way.So why some woman have to be hurtful and cruel after the relationship but she already got new loverboy so I spend the day at gym and again tmw
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I know, it's something to wonder at. You say you have treated her well, but even so, she seems to be playing these hurtful games with you. There's obviously a reason for it, but I have no idea what that could be. It doesn't make any sense to me either, to be honest with you. I think you're handling it well, trying to keep yourself busy (being active and going to the gym is a very good idea), and distract yourself to get your mind off of it. I'm not sure if I have already suggested this to you, but you might want to sit down and write a letter to her just letting her know everything you've been telling me. Saying how hurt you feel, angry - whatever it is just so you can get your feelings out. And to say that you would appreciate it if the game playing would stop and if she would please stop contacting you unless she wants to talk about something seriously - otherwise you're not going to respond any more. You might want to try this, because I think it could help you feel better and maybe give you some sense of closure. Good luck.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Do think that is has feelings or what just like playing games to hurt me to hide her true feelings or what
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I can't say for sure - I know you want a definitive answer, but I can't read her mind. I think she does - but she's the only one who can say for sure. I can say that I believe that if she didn't care, she wouldn't bother. But that's just my opinion. I don't think it does you any good to hang on to hope at this point. You are probably better off trying to let go and move on.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
If she did care she wouldn't be the new guy she only interest in her needs doesn't give a flying rats about what it doing to me or how she hurting my feelings and what she done to me emotionly and I think she nothing but a self centre using bitch to be honested
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Yes, but I think you need to try to stop focusing so much on this for the time being. It's not doing you any good to worry about this - nothing good will come of it. She's going to live her life anyway - and so should you. You don't want to be consumed by feelings of anger over this - it's not good for you, and it's going to stop you from moving forward.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So why am I still feeling like shit and I lost 6kgs since the breakdown in relationship and still trying to keep busy and my mind off but it still hurts
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
yea my partner only kick me to kerb last week now she texting me saying loverboy down why do woman cut there feelings off and go get new guy within two weeksshe cut me out a month go put barriers and threw out lounge how we suppose to work on better relationships if woman shut you cut and wont talk and keeps taking anti depressants and drinking wine with them so did this woman ever have any feelings towards me or just a game to kick me well im trying to deal with all my emotions and feelings I feeling like shit miss her and she keeps playing games with me I told love her to bits and miss her and the dogs and would do anything for her So why is this woman playing with my feelings and emotions is she getting her kicks by hurting me so much
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
YEA TALKING TO PARTNER TODAY AND SHE SAYING NEW GUY JUST A FRIEND AND I GAVE HER WASHING MACHINE TO USE SINCE IM NOT USING IT AND WE DID TALK THROUGH SOME ISSUES AND SHE SAID GIVE HER SOME SPACE AND WE WILL SEE AND SHE WILLING TON GO OUT TO MOVIES AND MEALS IS THAT A GOOD IDEA OR WHAT I STILL GOT DEEP FEELINGS FOR THIS WOMAN OKAYTHE WOMAN SAY SHE HATES ME AND DOESNT WANT TO BE FRIENDS AND STILL ABUSE ME AND BLAMING ME AND GET REALLY NASTY BECAUSE SHE KNOWS I GOT FEELS TOWARDS HER WHY IS THAT THEY HAVE TO GET NASTY AND HORRIBLE ,IM NOTB NASTY TO HER I STILL GOT FEELINGS AND MISS HER AND WHY DOES SHE TREAT ME LIKE SHIT THEN SHE IS SO NASTY

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