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Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Good day, I hope you could help me with a problem I have.

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Good day,
I hope you could help me with a problem I have.
I was dating a guy for 7 months, we broke up in January this year. I ended it first and then he ended it.
I ended it because I didn’t feel he was invested enough in the relationship and then he ended it on the same reason. We both seem to be afraid of getting hurt.
From February he contacted me again and in March starting asking me out again. For the past few months he has been really showing me that he wants to be with me, but I
Hi there. I'm happy to try to help you, but I think your question got cut off - it ends with "For the past few months he has been really showing me that he wants to be with me, but I". Can you let me know your complete question? I'll reply as soon as I hear from you. Thanks.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Good day,


I hope you could help me with a problem I have.


I was dating a guy for 7 months, we broke up in January this year. I ended it first and then he ended it.


I ended it because I didn’t feel he was invested enough in the relationship and then he ended it on the same reason. We both seem to be afraid of getting hurt.


From February he contacted me again and in March starting asking me out again. For the past few months he has been really showing me that he wants to be with me, but I was afraid he would end it again. Last Saturday for some crazy reason I decided to end the relationship but he didn’t let me end it. We had a long discussion and he told me how he felt about me and asked me to give the relationship another try. So I agreed. The week was amazing. We connected and shared a wonderful week. I saw him Tuesday & Wednesday evening and Thursday he asked me to join him and his mom for dinner. I unfortunately couldn’t make it, and quickly responded by text, that I can’t make it. Friday evening I had something on with friends and on Saturday I didn’t hear from him. On Sunday I called him and he was very unhappy but didn’t say why. He just said he changed his mind about the relationship. I asked him to meet me and the next evening we met, he told me he still feels the same way about me, but he feels we not good for each other. I got the feeling he was upset over something but didn’t want to say. I told him how I feel about him and told him I still want to continue the relationship and then he said, “let’s give it a few days”. I decided to send him a text 2 days later and told him how I feel about him, I said that I think he feels the same way and if he is keen, maybe we can meet for a drink. He responded and said, “a drink will be nice, xxx” This was last night, and then we started chatting on text. This is all great. But my concern is last night, he told me that he was working very late at the hospital and he is so exhausted. And then he asked if I’ll be his nurse. So I replied back saying yes, sure. The rest of the chats were light, but all along the lines of me in a nurse outfit. This morning, I sent him a text saying “hope you didn’t work too late” and he responded “I have this overwhelming urge to rip your clothes off, is this normal” So I replied, “just googled it, yes it’s normal” And then he suggested we meet for sex over lunch time.. I said I can’t do lunch and then he sent me a message saying I can make it up to him by arriving at his house, with nothing but a coat on” I’m not sure what to make of this?? And I do want him back in my life, but not for sex! I want a committed relationship. But I don’t want to push him away. We had a wonderful relationship and yes a great sex life. But I’m just a bit confused about what’s going on. Am I making too much of this?

Hi again,

It seems like quite a confusing and tumultuous situation, but there's also obviously a lot of passion between the two of you. And I think you both care very much for each other, or you wouldn't keep coming back together. However, I can understand your present concern that you don't want this to be simply about sex. I don't think you are making too much of the situation. If you want a committed relationship with him, then, to be quite honest with you, I'm not sure if I would start meeting him just for sex - at least not without first having a conversation with him about what you want. Because it can be very difficult to break the pattern once something like this starts - it can quickly become all about sex and then things can get more complicated. I can understand that you are afraid of being hurt - that you both are, perhaps. I would suggest that you slow things down with him right now and let him know that you're hoping for more. That you feel, at this point, that you want to make a commitment. Let him know that you just don't feel comfortable with the way things are going right now. There's a big chance that he's feeling the same way, and just doesn't know how to go about broaching the topic with you - but in any case, you can't be a mind reader, so you might just have to take the risk and let him know how you feel. I wish you lots of luck. Let me know if you want to discuss this further.
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