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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I am currently married and have been for four years to a wonderful

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I am currently married and have been for four years to a wonderful woman. However I have met a customer of mine and through conversation and some physical contact have developed strong feelings towards this woman. I realize I haven't strayed but the reason was because my wife wasn't exactly meeting my needs. I am now in a position to choose. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I understand this must be difficukt for you. It is easy to get strayed by others when our partner is not meeting our needs. It is important to understand and realize that when we meet someone for the first time it is always fun and exciting. Think back of when you met your wife. Also, people are always on their best behavior. True relationships are not always like that. They take work and we should not get confused by the beginning exciting part and a long term relationship. The two are like night and day. I would say if you were planning on leaving your wife before this lady came along then you need to decide based on your prior issues. However, if You were not planning to leave and it is just because if this new woman I would not pursue it. Marriage takes a lot of work. It may or may not work out with the new woman and you will find yourself in the same situation in the future. It is not worth it. Marriage takes work. If you love your wife and want tivmaje it work then I would say drop contact with the other woman and work on the relationship with your wife. You can also try counseling. I really do not suggest basing you leaving your wife alley due to another woman. It would not be fair to any of you. I wish you all the best in this situation and hope this helped bring insight to your situation.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

You do have a very important decision to make. The best way to approach such an important decision is to weigh the pros and cons of each person. Start with the qualities that you treasure the most and see which woman fits the needs that you have. This means that you have to put your own needs first in order to decide which lady fills the bill that you want for your future. I know you were married but take all guilt out of the equation. Do what is best for you not what is easiest. And above all else be honest with each lady and with yourself. If you feel that the new relationship is best for you then respect your wife by being honest. You can clear your head and make your decision based on what you need and what you want. You cannot let obligation dictate your choice. If you do this successfully you will know the answer.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Here are a few factors that I have considered. My wife is 42 and I am 34. We both own our own businesses. I have consumed with mine. Yes I do love her but this other woman has let me see other things in life. My wife is wealthy and her take on everything is just to buy it. This other lady doesn't care about money she just wishes to see me happy. I have for over two months now dreaded going home. But I will do anything to see this other lady. I do appreciate your help but it really hurts. My wife doesn't know how to have fun or appreciate life. She has always been wealthy so that really bothers me.
If you have dreaded going home that is a indication that the relationship is troubled. If you will do anything to see the other lady you have answered your question. It will be messy but what you want is most important. I know it is difficult but anything worth doing in terms of relationships usually is. If your wife doesn't enjoy life because she has never had to struggle then this is a major conflict. Do what makes you happy
I apologize for the typos. I tend to type fast when I get into my work. By your response it seems to me that you have had issues before with your wife. See, first I always like to let people realize that the beginning is always fun and exciting and relationships take work. It is not good to leave a relationship for a fling because most people tend to get confused by the long term and the beginning. However, seems like you have underlying issues before the woman came along and she is just making it easier for you. If you are dreading going home then that is not a good sign. You really need to choose not only what makes you happy momentarily, but for your future as well. We can not always chose based on the moment of our emotions. It can fool us. If you are not happy with your wife and see in the future if it does not work with this new woman you still would not want to go back to your wife anyway then I think you know your answer. However, if you would want to go back to your wife or you would stay with your wife if this woman was not present then you have a lot of thinking to do. I wish you all the best with this situation!

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