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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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My girlfriend of 9 months keeps going back on match .com to

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My girlfriend of 9 months keeps going back on match .com to check the status of a guy that dumped after about 4 dates. I found out by looking at her internet history.. I confronted her and got an answer that she wanted to see if he was still on there and she suspected he was a player.. am I in a dead end relationship.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.

Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You're the guy she's dating right now and what kind of loyalty is it if she's checking up on an old flame?

This is how we males think. And so when we males check up on women we've dated in the past, that's a sure sign of interest in her. Males might not actually do something to carry out that interest, but the desire's there. Women are not necessarily like this.

She can be looking for exactly the reason she says and it is more often than not really the reason. Women really are that curious without the curiosity being an active desire. When men are curious about a woman, they almost always have some active desire for her. Women more often than not are just curious because they've had some connection, but not because they want a current connection.

So, she most likely is telling you truthfully why she did it. But you are right that you can't be sure of this. However, that means only that you keep it in the background. It's like if you saw one quirky behavior in her personality, you wouldn't act totally from that one quirk; you'd say to yourself that you're waiting to see if it's a pattern. Same here. If it isn't repeated, then you know in a while that it was okay, which it probably will be. So yes, keep on dating.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

Please remember to click the green accept button because: even though you have made a deposit, I do not get paid for my time unless you press ACCEPT. You are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing ACCEPT. Feel free to continue the discussion even after pressing ACCEPT as my goal is to get you the best answer possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you XXXXX am taking your advise as good and sound..I know the female motor runs different and have invested a lot of emotion into this relationship.. Excellent answer again thank you.
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
She is clearly someone you think is worth investing your emotional self in, so let the relationship move forward and if (I highly doubt it) this does resurface, you'll deal with it then. But this way if it just fades away, which I think is more likely, than you will be really glad you kept moving forward with the relationship.


I wish you the very best!

Please remember to click the green accept button because: even though you have made a deposit, I do not get paid for my time unless you press ACCEPT. You are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing ACCEPT. Feel free to continue the discussion even after pressing ACCEPT as my goal is to get you the best answer possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5133
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
Dr. Mark and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
She also has a male coworker that I feel she has an interest in. She talks about him often and told me he has hit on her. like asked her out for drinks etc. Recently she informed me she thinks he has an open marriage. She said yesterday that they talked in the parking lot after work for about a 1/2 hour . Said it was about a billing problem at work.. Also I was told a while back that another employee and his girl friend had invited her and this guy out for dinner.. I was not asked .. I do not know if the dinner has taken place. So am I worrying about nothing or is she cheating on me.
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.
Hi. Something here is not right, I agree. She volunteers information that a woman who's cheating usually hides. But then she tells you things like some coworker has an open marriage. It all is strange.


I don't know how you can address this without it becoming unpleasant. Because either she's teasing you, which is unpleasant by itself or she's interested in this guy, which is also unpleasant.


And I would imagine if you ask her why she's telling you about this guy, she'd say she's being honest and not hiding anything so she's sharing her worklife with you. But then you'd ask why is she finding out about his private life so much and why would she be invited to a social encounter with him without you, and she'd say it wasn't anything. And you'd be right where you are.


I think it's time to have an open discussion with her, though, anyways. You're churning inside and that can't last too long before anger comes. And that won't be good. So, it's time to tell her that you have certain values: not getting personal with coworkers of the opposite sex, etc. And that you feel like she's starting to go against those values. And then see how the discussion proceeds and hope that it doesn't become an argument.


I don't' see a different way than being open and sharing your feelings.


I wish you the very best, XXXXX XXXXX
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5133
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
Dr. Mark and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks again for your advice. I had a conversation with her on the worker issue. She assured me that nothing had or will happen. I still have my issues.. In March I looked at her internet history.. This was the 1st time I noticed she went on match..I confronted her and she told me the reason I gave you in the 1st letter.. The second time was why I wrote to you.. We talked in march and in an effort on her part to be open she showed me her email in AOL. In the mail was a emails from a man.. there were 3 and they where answered by her.. I did not ak her to open them although I wish I did now.. She said he was someone she met on match but it was just a friend .. I feel different.. I can't get past it and it is making me a mess mentally.. It is why I have all these bad thoughts all the time and just can't seem to trust her.. I say all this and I do not have any concrete proof it just my gut.. When I act out she feels like I am insecure.. What can I do to ease my mind.. Is breaking it off the best long term solution.. I really have strong feelings for her and I want to trust her I just can't get my mind to go there..Last week I got a little upset when she didn't text me in the AM as she normally does.. She said I acted like a 16 year old.. I'm 61... That hurt but is probably right.. Again is it me and what can I do to fix the feelings I'm having..

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