Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
How are you doin ?
I am sorry to hear of these struggles...you sound like a wise and good man.
I might have to agree with your family here....
Thank you I appreciate that
I think there is plenty of time to figure things out and that need to be figured out...
If communication is difficult now it really needs to be worked on.
The problem is if I say to her that I'm thinking of delaying our marriage she get upset
You may be in two different places with your desires now and you changing the plan is okay...we are all allowed to do so.
If I say to her now that let's change our wedding ceronomy plan she'll start saying things along the line of braking up
would it be possible to get into some couples counseling so you can work on the communication?
I trying to find a certified counsler at the moment, but I'm 95% sure that she won't agree to go to a counsler with me
for the sake of the healthy relationship she wont go?
That is concerning...it sounds to me that it is her way or no way?
She'll say dont make a big deal this is normal and we'll get over it
Yeah to a great extent
so tell me what YOU want
even though sometime she says that I'm against a woman controlling her husband
both people are important in the relationship and both need to have their needs met.
What I want is to reach a stae with her where we discuss matters logically not emotionally
to me it sounds like things need to slow down a bit until you can figure out what is truly going to work.
I really love and I can't see myself without her and she feels the same way
ahhh...the difference between men and women...
we get emotional and men get logical....that is always the trick
then you must do what you can so that both of you feel heard and inderstood
We've agreed to discuss this face to face when she comes back from California
but I don't think that will happen after today's dicussion
Today she was really upset and focused on one word that I used in our discussion
and forgot the rest
if the goal is to be together then that is always there as the foundation and if you feel that opportunities are better in the gulf then go for it...make it an adventure and something new for both of you to explore together.
and unfortunately that happen often
yes we as women do that
I seriously can't understand why
so let her know how you understand that she was hurt by that but men and women communicate and hear things differently so ask her to allow you the room that it was not intentionally to hurt her.
because of the emotional aspect of things...we just get stuck...so acknoweldge it for her and let her know you were not trying to hurt her in any way
I'll do so once she gives me the chane to talk to her
she will...we always come around
she tend to act strange after misunderstandings
she pulls back?
to protect herself
she takes time to get back to normal
shes young...you both are...that should ease up a bit with reassurance
she becomes cold and give me short answers
and that style needs to be addressed as it is not healthy moving forward for you
I've been told also her age may explain why she's being reblious
I don't want her to grow with that attidude
I really wanna help her overcome those things beacuse I think she's pure from inside
I agree and that is why i suggested counseling so she can look at that behavior and see how destructive it is.
you shouldnt have to pay for expressing your feelings.
and say to her....
I really need to convince her to go, I know it will take time
"I love you so much, when we have a misunderstanding and you shut down for several days afterward, it hurts and doesnt help either one of us. I would like that to be different, can we work on that toghether?
I'll say that to her, I really liked it
another problem that I find difficult to overcome is telling my family about our confilcts specalilly my elder sisters
I am glad. It is loving and caring rather than blaming
I know you need someone to talk to but families have very long memories because they love you so if you tell them the tough stuff they will have a hard time letting it go
I really wanna stop telling my family about our confilcts
she also talks to her family about our confilcts
these are just more reasons to get into counseling.
counseling isnt a sign of weakness or failing but rather a sign of strength
I agree 100%
you both are doing the talking anyway with your families so why not with a trained professional to give you both the space to do it appropriately. that is what I would say to her
I went to a hypnotherapist in the UK for the last couple of months
as I wanted to change a lot of stuff I didn't like about myself
she didn't like that
i am sure it was wonderful
she said you can change yourself without the help of anyone
That is not my belief
Yeah it was really helpful
she saw the postivite impact her self
we all need a helping hand at times...nothing wrong with that. we get stuck in patterns
I have to get going mam, that was really helpful I really appreciate it
so i would continue to be open with her and keep the conversation going. let her know how you feel when she shuts down and try to offer counseling. It has been my pleasure. Please take a moment to offer a positive rating if I have been supportive.
You've been really suppotive thank you so much
thank you. If you would click on the rating tab to complete it and then you will also get this in your email so you will have a copy of our time together.