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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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My fiancee just found out that last July my ex-wife (2 years)

Customer Question

My fiancee just found out that last July my ex-wife (2 years) visited with my niece and most likely with my brother and sister-in-law. While it bothers me a little that this occurred, my fiancee is very upset and thinks that I should confront the niece and ex about it. She is also upset with me because it is does not bother me more. She feels their actions were disrespectful to me and her. Is she overreacting or am I underacting?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
I understand how it may bother her. However, neither of you have control over your other family members. She really has no right to be upset with you because it was not your fault. However, if she is really close to your niece then it may have hurt her, but she should speak to her in a mature manner just to understand why she did that and let her know how she feels. If the niece and your ex created a friendship then that may continue after wards. Everyone would like to cut it off afterward, but the truth of the matter is based on our relationships other people create relationships too, so even though we ended it on our part the others may not feel that need to end it. They created a closeness and friendship and may not see the issue at all, so we really need to understand them as well. If your family keeps their relationship with her separate and you are not involved then I really think she is overacting even if it was a one time thing. I understand how she may be upset with you because it does not bother you and it bothers her, but I really understand your part and why it does not bother you. However, you could speak to her and just let her know you understand why it bothers her, but that you have no control over the other members of your family. Even though it does not bother you and I agree just try to be sensitive to her feelings because that will help her cope with it. Everyone has feelings and there are no right or wrong feelings. They are just our feelings. It would be good just communicate with her and let her know you understand. Unfortunately we may not like things in life and it may make us feel bad. However, we have no control over those situations and we just need to learn to deal with it. You may want to try explaining that in a loving way. I hope this helped you and I wish you all the best!
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
Hi..I noticed that you did not accept my answer, so I was just wondering if I could clarify or help in any other way. Also, if you had any comments or would like some more feedback. Thanks so much and I hope I could be of help!
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
HI...I just wanted to follow up with you and see if I could help any further. The only way I am compensated is if you provide me with positive feedback. That would be greatly appreciated. However, if I can help any further then please let me know. Thanks so much. Again all the best!
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
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