How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I had to almost beg him to meet me and discuss things, and

This answer was rated:

I had to almost beg him to meet me and discuss things, and all he said was that nothing happened and that his feelings just changed.
I just can't understand, and maybe i'm wrong, is it possible to change feelings from Thursday wanting me to have dinner with his mom, to Sunday ending it? What am i missing.
After a few messages from me, he has agreed (although it didn't sound like he wanted to) to meet me this evening. What if he just tells me his feelings have changed?
Not agreeing to have dinner with his mom is basically saying that you do not want to take the relationship to the next level. Having dinner with his mom is taking things to the next level. His feelings have not changed he is just putting up walls to protect himself from getting hurt. He doesn't want to put his feelings out there. He knows if he meets you he will want to be with you and he is so worried about getting hurt it is stopping him from meeting.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your advice. Really thank you!
I don't know what to think he has now changed his mind and said he will meet me and give me all the time I need.
I almost feel this is not done in a kind way to discuss anything. He seems so angry with me.
He is upset over something that he needs to talk about. He wants to b with you, but is having trouble dealing with his emotions. It is not that he is confused about how he feels, he knows how he feels about you. He just would rather back off then get hurt again. But he needs to take the risk and be 100 percent in this relationship without backing off. He needs to express himself. What I want you to do when you do meet him is in a certain way ask him why things changed, but do not let this be the first question. I first want you to tell him how you feel about him. Then talk about why he seems so upset. Communication is major in a relationship this is the only way you know how someone feels. You can't fix something unless you know what is nothing someone.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I'm so afraid I will go and he will reject me.
Don't be afraid I want you to meet him with a positive attitude that everything will work out. He just needs to open up with you so that you both can solve this problem. He is holding back feelings he needs to express.
Dear Debra and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Your messages made such a difference in my life today. I met him tonight and I felt really confident and self assured. I arrived and get was already sitting at the coffee shop. We met at a central place between our homes. We chatted a bit and he said, you wanted to talk. So i started and told him how I feel about him, I also mentioned that if I withdrew from the relationship its because of my own issues about what happened last year. He then spoke and said he meant what he said to me, he feel the same way about me, he really likes me and enjoy spending time with me. So i said I was very shocked when he ended things and he said that's how he felt when I it. I told him that apart from my disappointment, i still have strong feelings for him and I still want to see him.
Sadly he didn't say anything back to that, he just said that his feelings towards me haven't changed. And he just looked at me and there were silence. He then said that there has always be two sides of the relationship, one Side is how much he likes me and the other side is that we not good for each other. When I asked him what he means he said there were things that happened last year. But he couldn't really tell me. I said I understand if that's how he feels, and then i said I had your home and thank you for the coffee. He looked at me for a while and then said im not sure what else to say. So i said don't worry. When we got up I said I still want to see you and maybe I'm wrong but I think you want to see me too. And the he said let's give it a couple of days. I don't know if he just said it... I just said no problem. He then kised me and hugged me and I left.
I'm not sure if I did the right thing, or said the right thing. It is the first man that I ever felt strongly about. Although I'm in my 30s but if he doesn't come back, what can I do? Thank you again for so much help today.
I feel that went extremely well. You were able to express your emotions and he was able to talk about his as well. It was good that you said you left not because of him, but because if problems you were having. He explained how he felt when you left so I feel there is a lot of hurt still inside him. But you answered things I feel he needed answered. He said to give it a couple days so he needs time to think about how he feels. But I want you to keep in contact to keep this connection. I don't want you to think about him not coming back, I want you to stay positive and confident that he will. You both made huge progress by talking things out.
Dear Debra and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

Related Relationship Questions