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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1354
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My partner of 13 years has decided to try to get a job in the

Customer Question

My partner of 13 years has decided to try to get a job in the mines ,but does not want the defacto relationship any more,but says i can still stay in the house as we we would not be seeing that much of each orther.At first he said i could stay for 6months till i got on my feet,but arfter geting legal advice, if i was to move out then i would use the courts to decide on my intitlements,this guy is doing my head in.one moment it is i want u to stay next its u can go,im over the real in real out tug a war its all too emonional and im tied of fearling like someones emonional bagage.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello. Even though he has made the decision to end the relationship, he still will have ups and downs with how he feels as well. While this is not fair to you, it is not uncommon. Have you tried sitting down and having a real discussion with him about this entire situation? If you have been together for 13 years, you should be able to at least have a conversation about the process of separation.
Even though everything seems like a huge mess right now, you need to take the time to think about the future and what is best for you and only you. In my opinion, if you have the means to leave, I think you can handle the entire situation much better at a distance. He will see what life is like without you and you will be able to clearly focus on yourself and your own feelings. You have already stated you are tired of him making you feel this way, so maybe its better if you can leave. Even if he begs you to stay, he has made his decision by telling you that he didn't want to continue the relationship, so make him live with that decision and see how he responds.
If he admits that he made a mistake and he wants you back in his life, then you both need to sit down and figure out if that's what is best. Now that he has expressed his want to separate, he cannot take back that thought, even if he does change his mind. Remember that you also have a say in this and if he has hurt you this bad by suggesting this end, you should be able to walk away. Don't let him dictate the terms of your relationship. Make certain that you also have a say.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1354
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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