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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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I like a girl that has a boyfriend. They have been together

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I like a girl that has a boyfriend. They have been together throughout all of high school, and into their junior year of college. She and I are the same age, and he is a year older. I can tell by just talking to her that they are together, basically out of habit. He doesn't pay her near enough of the attention she deserves, and she flirts with me quite a bit. She is aware of how I feel, and she enjoys flirting, and any attention from me really. What should I do? I am terrified that if I am not with her, and try to get over it, I will regret it for a very long time. My friends and I all agree that we think he will eventually break up with her, but what if he doesn't? I feel like a am a fairly good looking guy and I most definitely look better than him with a lot better personality. Any advice???
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 4 years ago.
Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. You say that this girl knows how your feel about her. Have you asked her how she feels about you?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I guess not in the sense that you are thinking. I mostly make jokes about it to her. Just laughing and joking about it, not a sit down conversation, mostly because I am scared of what it is she would say. Which 10 to 1 would be "I'm happy with him." I can tell she isn't, we have mutual friends, and when we go out on the weekends, she talks to me all night long. He never does anything with her. I can tell she is bored, and needs some sense of excitement in her life, and with the path she is on, she is obviously in a rut.
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 4 years ago.
I see. Well you have a choice to make, don't you. You can go on indefinitely like you are now, just guessing and placing your romantic life on hold for her in hopes that she will one day break up with him; or you can face the music and ask her directly. It would be much more emotionally healthy for you to do the latter. Right now you are really enabling her to remain in this boring relationship by providing the spark she needs. Why would she change anything, she has the best of both worlds! I believe you owe it to yourself to find out exactly where you stand with her. It might also force her to face the truth about her relationship with the other young man and perhaps end it. Of course, the decision has to be yours and based on what you need, not how she may or may not respond. But if you cannot have a true romantic relationship with her, the sooner you realize this and move on to someone with whom you can, the better for your emotional health. Chat back if you need to continue. If you are satisfied with my answer, please give me a positive rating and click on the submit button. I has been my pleasure to help, take care, Eleanor
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