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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1776
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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Hi, my question is my current girlfriend who is 31, Im 27.

Customer Question

Hi, my question is my current girlfriend who is 31, I'm 27. 4 months has passed, she never shows affection in text or face to face, and she never texts me randomly or calls, I have to initiate convo's and even sex (which is superbly fantastic each time). We also make plans, for dinner or any fun activity and my ideas rarely come into the equation of consideration. Now last night I was not invited to the monthly BBQ with her friends which is a blast, instead sat at home twiddling my thumbs! So the question is, how can I improve our connection and communication as this does not feel like a proper relationship?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

have you let her know that oyu need more in the way of a deeper connection?

CoachJenK :

it seems as if you have tried your best at communicating but havent gotten much in return. it could come down to the tow of you haveing different styles of relating where you desire more contact and a deeper connection and she doesnt.

CoachJenK :

hi.

CoachJenK :

Let me know if you are with me or having technical difficulties.

CoachJenK :

I am still here when you come back online so we can talk.

CoachJenK :

you here Aussi?

CoachJenK :

If you are on your mobile phone there most likely will be some technical issues. Let me know if you are on your computer.

CoachJenK :

Well, I am here for another hour. it is 9pm in the us. I will write some more thoughts as you may not want to chat.

CoachJenK :

I believe that having a conversation with your girlfriend about what you need and desire could be very beneficial. As I mentioned above her style may be different than yours so having some open communication about what you need may go a long way.

CoachJenK :

I am hoping she can hear you and respond. Like you it doesnt make sense to me why she would not include you for the BBQ.

CoachJenK :

in the end if she isnt able to respond to your needs around this it may come down to what you are willing to tolerate and accept for yourself in the relationship. It needs to be mutual and if it isnt you will feel second fiddle often. so take some time to express yourself and give her some time to give to those needs.

CoachJenK :

In time you will know whether she can step up and consider you as well.

CoachJenK :

so those are my thoughts and if you feel like you want to chat, I look forward to it.

Customer:

Hello, I am a customer service representative posting on behalf of the customer who is unable to view the chat. Please click on the 'Switch to Q&A' link at the top of the page to change the format of the page from Live Chat to Q&A so that the customer can access your reply and also please repost your reply as a new answer or info request. Thank you.

Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1776
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
Coach Jen K. and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
So sorry there were difficulties for you in the chat. thank you for the positive rating. I am here if you need any support.
Jen
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hi, is there anyway to start live chat together, finally got chat working! :)
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Once it had to be switched to Q and A mode as we are now...the system is not designed to switch back. The only way to have a chat is to ask a new question (new charge-sorry) and request me at the beginning and then the site sends it directly to me. I dont set the pricing or the structure. Hope to hear from you.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
We can continue to talk here in this mode as well if you desire.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok sure. So lately i have been cutting down the text msg and calling, as i have massive insecurities about her being too busy with work, or thinking she has better things to do than talk. This is in turn has created a more silent treatment, yet she doesnt go out of her way to contact me if i havent for a day. Is this normal for couples? She really is an awesome person to be with, she just sucks at being a girlfriend, my effort is countless, where hers is low or doesnt exist.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
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