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Not sure if guy was telling the truth or not?3 years ago

 
Dr. Shirley Schaye's Avatar
  • Answered by:Dr. Shirley Schaye
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Customer Question

Not sure if guy was telling the truth or not? 3 years ago myself & C met through internet dating. We met twice and we got on really well. I ended things with him because I felt he was making excuses not to meet again. During the 3 year period one of us would make contact but we never met up. In Dec 2011 I made contact as I saw he had looked at my profile. We met but became intimate without a relationship ever developing and hands up "I made a big mistake". He was only interested in me for one thing after that. In truth I had never done this before but I was naive. I ended all contact with him. In Mar 2012 I delibrately sent a text to his number regarding work instead of my work. Yes I wanted to make contact with him again. We both acknowledged that our second chance had passed but we kept the small talk going. We both apologised to each other for causing any hurt. I was sceptical about his apology because it was so easy to text the word instead of actually saying it in person. He was interested in meeting up with me for friendship because he knew that I would never become intimate with him again. He told me that he was seeing someone but was not really interested in her. 3 weeks ago C made contact with me again and asked to meet up during the week. I replied and said "but you'll let me down like last time". He replied " if I say something I'll do it". I asked him why we have been in touch so often over the years but we can't seem to sort our difficulties out. I told him that it was clear he had lost respect for me and that I did not trust him. He gave no reply. I asked C if we can both forgive each other then can we give a relationship a try, and asked it's clear you don't want me C. He replied "it's not you" and then followed a general comment about his day. I asked what was wrong and he never replied. I text him that eve and said "As long as you and me are in contact I will always hope that a relationship will follow and in my heart I know it won't. Give this new girl a chance and I wish you well". Part of me regrets not risking the chance and finding out if he was telling the truth. I contacted him 2 days ago and replied "Someday I wish you would turn up at my door and simply say "lets talk". I have not heard from him. Did I do the right or wrong thing by not giving him a chance?

Submitted: 324 days and 15 hours ago.
Category: Relationship
Value: 41 €
Status: CLOSED
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Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied324 days and 15 hours ago.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer.I am sorry to hear about how you have struggled with this. Let me say this. You would have lost nothing by giving him a chance. Because giving him a chance to meet up with you does not mean that you have to have sex with him. That can wait.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You can always see what happens when you meet up with him without sex --- no matter how much you want it too just to see whether he is interested in a relationship with you or is merely interested in only a sexual encounter.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You there?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see that you may not be online now. I'll check back again to see if you are there so that we may chat.

Customer :

Hi there, thanks for your reply. Could I ask you some more Q's retlating to this please?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Oh, of course!!!!!!!!!

Customer :

Thank you.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You're welcome!!!!!

Customer :

I am an insecure person and when he got in touch with me 3 weeks ago on a saturday he asked to meet up. I replied "yeah give me a shout during the week". 2 days later I becane anxious and sent himn a text " C please on't get in touch with me again because you have hurt me bigtime". He replied "ok if that is what you want". I replied "it is not want I want but we cannpt sort things out".

Customer :

I was disappointed as it was clear that he did not care at all. I thought he might have made contact to boost his ego.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You are coming on too strong. Even if he was interested in you you may push him away. Don't use texting or e-mailing to discuss such issues. Better to say things like that in person.

Customer :

I just wish we could sit down and clear the air however all he knows is texting. He will not talk to me on the phone and I feel now that I have definetly blown any chances of talking to him.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

If in fact you feel all he is interested in doing is boosting his ego --- then to hell with him. Move on. You certainly don't need that.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

If he is interested in you he would agree to see you in person. If he's not, forget about him.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You don't deserve for anybody to ever mistreat you.

Customer :

My last text to him 2 days ago was "I would love someday if you would appear at the front door and just say "lets talk". Ther has been no response however I am asking the impossible I know but might this ever happen?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Of course, I don't know. I don't know him and even if I did, I cannot read his mind.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

However, I will say this.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Leave it now. The ball is in his court. See what he does. You will then know soon enough. Don't contact him again. Wait first to see if he responds to you first.

Customer :

He'll never make contact after that and I am convinced of that. Thank you for your time.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

So if he doesn't, then you have your answer. You don't need to be hurting yourself. If you keep contacting him you will never learn what his interest is.

Customer :

It's time to move on and forget.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Yes.

Customer :

Yeah your right. thank you.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You are too important to have this s**thead hurt you. I would not respond to him again.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see that you are offline now. I'll pause here and await your response to see if there is anything you would like to add so that we may continue with our chat. Do add whatever you want and then when I check back I'll respond. If you have other questions, don't hesitate to ask. If I have answered your questions, please click on ACCEPT and leave feedback. Bonuses are always appreciated. You can always ask more questions even after you have clicked on Accept. Just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.

 
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