Ron and I are still struggling. We make small improvements but I wish I could give him 10 days that he is completely happy around me. I have difficulty when he does/says something hurtful.
He invited me to go to the gym on Friday and then again on Saturday, he did a lovely thing and joined me for the last 2 hours of my 6.5 hour training ride yesterday. It was a good thing he was there because I did not take in enough nutrition and got dehydrated. Because of his experience, he saw that I was in trouble and helped me to recover. He joined me for a quick bite after. I had to ask him to eat with me. He did not offer.
He told me that it is harder for him to say "no" to me than "yes". He admitted that he has an emotional desire to drive me to my triathlon in Napa this coming weekend and support me but he said that he learned from our therapist that if he wants to end the relationship, he should not have any more contact with me because this confuses me Now, I asked the therapist about this and he told me that he advised Ron based on Ron wanting to end the romantic relationship. And the therapist always added "and so he says" (therapist has shared that Ron may want 1 thing 1 day and another thing another day and may not know what he wants as well). The therapist will tell me that he never suggested that Ron and I break up and that he could help us to have a better relationship and said that to Ron. I reminded Ron of this but he ignores this.
So of course, I am hanging on to Ron's emotions for me. While it is small, it is a good thing I suppose that he does care for me. My guess is that in his head he feels the relationship cannot work but in his heart he cares for me. I told Ron to follow his heart.
Ron is very intelligent... a PhD electrical engineer and very analytical. I know that to win him over, I need for him to come up with a logical reason to want me.
My event is this weekend. I still don't know what to do.
I want him there. I want him to see what a wonderful time we'll have together. It will bring us closer. I understand as a man he will also feel good being able to support me. In return, I show him gratitude and respect which I understand is what men need and that is how men feel loved (repeated and admired).
Santo - is there any hope at all? Is this relationship completely dead? Would a man feel all that Ron feels if he is sure he wants the relationship to be over? I know that I want nothing to do with my past boyfriends, even one I use to live with, not even to be friends. I was friendly with 1 past boyfriend but it was hard because I moved across the country so we are far away.
I am typically very optimistic but feel sad. Ron is tracking his moods and I want him to write how good he feels when he sees me but I am having a hard time not wanting to ask him to talk about our relationship or anxiety on whether he'll be there to support me in something that is so incredibly important to me in my entire life ... completing an Ironman.
I've asked you this is so many different ways and each time, I understand your response, and then time goes by, Ron and I have an interaction, and I'm confused again.
How do I regain the romance back with him? How do I change his perception of me? Do I just try to be as upbeat and positive as I can in his presence? I understand falls in love because of how the woman makes a man feel ... which is good. I feel good in his presence, of course not when we are fighting but I do feel comforted by him. I believe he feels comforted by me too ... he has told me that in the past you noticed that in your previous reply.
Is there any chance I can win his heart back more and more each time? I have a small piece of it. I know if he is happier around me, engages in fun activities with me, I will have a good chance.
But I hear he needs to feel like he wants to chase me. He needs to see how independent I am.
From a man's perspective and in your training, what is he feeling (ha, the million dollar question) and what are my chances? I'm not crazy to believe there is some glimmer of hope? He says he doesn't want a romantic relationship but he hugs me, he has dinner with me, he acts like a boyfriend, he is attracted to me, he simply cares for me and in his heart he really hurts when I hurt and he misses me sometimes.
What can I do right now to up the ante? It's been 7 months now since we broke up and we've been caught in this difficult "friendship" for a while. It has been better in the last 2 months but i'm just dying inside here.
Oh, I had how he emails me to ask me how I am. He is avoiding calling. Would it be wise to tell him I"m not reading his emails anymore? Everything needs to be on the phone or in person? It's driving me crazy.