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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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met a guy online, been dating for 18mths, he seems quite happy

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met a guy online, been dating for 18mths, he seems quite happy to meet once a week, dinner, drinks sleepover at my place. He has been seperated for over 3yrs and is afraid to call it quits as he doesn't want to split his (assets). He travels interstate most w/e for business and i have asked several times to go with him, his reply, the places i stay is not suitable for a lady, he stays in the basic places, a bed and shower. Have asked him to meet my family and friends and has declined. On his profile he said he wanted someone to travel with and would like to be a part of family. He is a very loving, affectionate generous guy and i love him dearly. So my question is should i ask him his intentions for the future or is he happy to continue dating once a week as i would like more.

Dr Rossi :

Hi,

Dr Rossi :

You've invested over a year in this relationship

Dr Rossi :

At this time, it is appropriate to ask him about his intentions

Dr Rossi :

From what you've shared, there is a discrepancy b/w his online profile and what he's telling you

Dr Rossi :

Of course, whether or not you ask him would also depend on- are you happy w/ this arrangement and are you willing to go on line this for the next 18+ months?

Dr Rossi :

You've got to do what is right for you.

Dr Rossi :

If you were looking for a partner w/ whom to spend more time, share things in common, travel, and have that partner be commited 100%, this may not be the one

Dr Rossi :

You just have to look at the larger picture- have you been getting what you want and need in your life at this time?

Dr Rossi :

Not meeting your family all of this time is another thing to consider. From what you've shared in your post, there seem to be more excuses on his part than answers.

Dr Rossi :

It may not be what you want to hear; this is just an objective observer's remark

Dr Rossi :

You've surely invested not only time but your feelings in this person. It would not be easy to look at it from an objective angle.

Dr Rossi :

Actions speak louder than words. "He's been separated for 3 years and afraid to call it quits"

Dr Rossi :

His assets seem the priority rather than his relationships

Dr Rossi :

Or, perhaps he wants to have an open relationship or, at least keep his options open?

Dr Rossi :

You definitely seem to want "more"

Dr Rossi :

It is possible that he 1) is unable to deliver this or 2) is unwilling to do it

Dr Rossi :

You seem more flexible: you've offered to travel, to wait (at last you've waited for 18 mo) and you do need him to clarify what is it he's able/willing to do hence forth.

Dr Rossi :

It is fair that this is clarified; otherwise, you may start to feel in limbo

Dr Rossi :

He's also declined to meet your friends. In any healthy relationship, partners share their lives/time and that includes family/friends

Dr Rossi :

Not sure if you're still online now. Feel free to reply/clarify if this is what you were inquiring about. You were asking should you ask him, and it is the appropriate/fair thing to do- get a specific answer from him.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

should i just ask him what his intentions are for the future as i would like a more committed relationship rather than a weekly date. Also it concerns me that he hasn't asked me to his place or meet his friends??


 

Maggs,

 

Absolutely - ask him! You need to know! Him not asking you to his place or to meet his friends is on the same line as him not wanting to meet your friends/family. Yet, it is not like you just started seeing one another. Its been over a year. Something to consider would be - his separated for 3 years and not making any definite moves. Would you be willing to go on like this for the next 3+ years of your life. Depending on what you answer honestly to yourself, you'd know what your next move(s) would be, even if it is difficult or painful to do.

 

 

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