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Santo B
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 83
Experience:  Clinical Social Work
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How do you make a long distance relation work when you love

Resolved Question:

How do you make a long distance relation work when you love someone and he does not want you to visit him.So far we only spent two weeks yearly and have never spent any of the family festiveties like christmas or new year together.
We have both turned 60 is it wrong for me to grave to know what we want with our relation.l feel very frustrated right now.Pls help me
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.

Santo B :

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.

Santo B :

Please give me a moment to read your question

Santo B :

Have you asked him why he does not want you to visit him?

Santo B :

How far away do you live from one another? How long have you been in this relationship?

Santo B :

Has he ever given you a reason why he doesn't want you to visit him?

Santo B :

Are you able to see my questions or should i retype them?

Customer:

He claims that he´s bussy working.He works as emergency doctor in US and l live in Sweden

Santo B :

Hmmm. When you have visited him, did you stay at his home with him?

Santo B :

Is this a relationship that you hope to move forward in?

Santo B :

I want to make sure I have enough information to give you my professional opinion of the situation.

Customer:

l stayed at his place and this was four yrs ago.Yes this is a relation that l have invested so much energy into our children and family know about it.

Santo B :

I believe that it would be beneficial to be extremely honest with him and explain your concerns about the relationship as it stands, and ask him what his intentions are regarding moving forward.

Santo B :

Relationships work best when you can be truthful and honest to the person you are in the relationship with, and explain to him how frustrated you have become.

Customer:

FYI both of us are from africa originaly and knew each other in our youth we´ve been going to africa for vocation but l have a feeling that he might be having another woman in the US but prefers going home with me.He has been to visit me.

Santo B :

Ok! Have you asked him if there was another woman that he is seeing?

Customer:

Yes but he says that he loves

Santo B :

So, you have asked him if there was another woman. Did he say there was, or avoid the question by telling you that he loves you?

Customer:

Yes he avoided it

Santo B :

I would suggest that you ask him again, but this time ask him not to avoid the question. A relationship also has to be reciprocal. If he is seeing other woman, then he is not as vested in the relationship as you are and you may need to talk to him about either committing to you and only you, or talk about changing the dynamic of the relationship so both of you can be happy.

Customer:

Thank you l have exactly done but wanted to be reasureance.

Santo B :

That is the absolute best advice I could give. If in fact you find that he is not being truthful with you and decides that he does not want to move forward in the relationship, then you will have to make a decision as to whether your comfortable with the current state of the relationship, which I don't believe you are. Are there any other questions or concerns you may have before I switch to a Q&A format. You can continue to work with me by revisiting the forum page.

Santo B :

The answers will not be immediate, but i will answer your questions in a timely manner.

Santo B :

I will also follow up with you in a couple days to check in on you. So, do you have any further questions or concerns that you would like me to address for you?

Customer:

Thank you

Santo B :

You're welcome. I will switch to Q&A now. I will follow up with you in a few days. Good Luck, and don't forget that if you have any additional questions or concerns you may always return to ask them. Thanks!

Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
I'm just following up with you to see how everything is going. Did my answer help?


Let me know,
Santo B
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
yes, my friend is living with another woman but he claims that he loves me which l find it difficult to accept.We both have grown up children l have one girl 22yrs and he has three girls raging frm 23-30yrs.l have only met the youngest but not the other two and he has not made an effort for me to get to know them.
Back at home they consider us as a married couple but leaving in different countries working inorder to get our retirement benefits.l love him so much and don´t want to loose him but l feel that l will be forced to do that if he insists on living with the other woman.


Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
It doesn't seem respectful on his part to be living with another woman. I believe that that is definitely something you need to address with him. Although he says he loves you, it doesn't necessarily show by his actions. It may be beneficial to have a discussion about this before making any decisions about your relationship with him.
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 83
Experience: Clinical Social Work
Santo B and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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Santo B
Santo B
Counselor
83 Satisfied Customers
Clinical Social Work