Hi,I decided this year to get my life back, i have suffered depression,lost of jobs,my life in general has been pretty miserable due to the way i allow people to treat me. I was raped when i was 18 years old, my parents forced me into a marriage , and left me abroad.My partner hasn't never made a life with me ,not really, i've done all the work,paid all the bills,i've given him my whole self. everything has been on me, i do everything. All i ever wanted from was for him to keep me safe, show me i can be love, i've given my whole self, always loved him.I sseked advice of a spiritual person in regards XXXXX XXXXX life ,job etc and i got alot of closure from it , i feel more confident with my choices however self esteem is hard to find. I found out my partner been seeing a lady, purely platonic, however they both wanted to be physical, i believe that here was alot of bodily contact and the urge was great, he felt like he loved her, confided in her .Me i don't even get noticed, half the time , he doesn't even ask me how i am , how's my days been etc. When i have challenged this, he says i am boring, i speak out of context,don't know what i am alking about , again when i chalange him and say why don't you do things with me , get to know me , i'm actually i fun ,nice person. he's not interested though, i feel like i have to always prove i am worth being with, nothing i do interest him.He never initiates sex, he says that if i want him to be interested in me, then i am expacted to get dressed up,high heels the lot.Surely having a natural affeection towards me? Sex always have to start with oral , always for him, i never get treated, or have time spent on me.When i confronted him about this, he says it's all my fault, i'm a negative,depressive ugly person.
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but advice. I do hope I can help you though. I am so sorry you have been treated this way. It sounds like you have made great strides in learning to value yourself. Do not let your partner interrupt your growth. I believe you need to confront him with his actions. I know you have apparently already done this, but this time you need to back it up with actions. No longer initiate sex with him and refuse to allow it to be about him. There is such a thing as an emotional affair and it appears as this is what your partner is involved with. This can be just as destructive to a Relationship as a physical one. Do not allow it. You are better than that. In the end he may choose her. If that happens, only you know your recourse. But no longer Allow yourself to be his doormat.
25+ years helping resolve relational issues.