my husband left me over a year and a half ago. its been nothing but screaming and fighting on the phone . I begged him for a year to sighn "no fault" divorce papers.so i hired a lawyer and my husband has only three days left to sign in or it goes through with divorce in the news paper. I didn't really want that and assumed he wouldn't iether. I called hem last night to ask him to sign one last time. and it turned into screaming/ hurtful/cursing call that wen on for 10 min.We've known each other since 1998, and always went back and forth before we got serious 5 years ago. married after his tour in afghanistan 2 years ago, but he kicked me out after 5 months. it is not in my belief system to speak that way to any one ar say things just to hurt. or threaten or curse or scream . I've done this several time with him. He is so hurt and angry now he would't and couldn't hear a sorry from me. he thinks everthing is my fault in this. it my take 10,20, or never to see past his anger.my question is . how long after our divorce is final would it be appropriate to write him a letter about my regret ect. not only for him but as part of my healing prosses
getting back together for about a week a year ago when his father died. but we aren't even on speaking terms now for almost a year except for me begging, and us screaming and cursing. I'm ridden with guilt . even if he started this whole thing
My name is XXXXX XXX I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.
please allow me a moment to read your question
I read your question and I truthfully wouldn't put an exact time frame on when it would be good to write him about the end of your relationship with him and possible regrets. I would get through the divorce, then give yourself time to mourn the loss of your marriage, and once you have gone through the healing process then consider writing a letter.
May I ask, did he have some issues when he returned from oversees, i.e. mental or physical health problems
he lost his temper more readily then before
and saying strange things in his sleep
Did he ever pursue any type of therapy for these issues?
His anger may be attributed to his experiences overseas. Although that is not an excuse for his lashing out and behavior. I think you should get through this divorce, once its over then you can worry about a letter. If it helps, you can even write a letter and hold onto it for a while until you think you are ready to reconcile the divorce and he is ready to read the letter without becoming irate or angry.
he mentioned it once, the best thing i can do is maybe get one of the 2 pastors that knew us since kids that married us is to call him and encourage that?
the papers were served to him on may 29, our 2 year aniversary. he thinks i did it out of spite. but wase not in my control
I dont believe you will be able to convince him that it wasnt in spite
maybe when my spirit feels like its right, I can put that in the letter?
It sounds like his mind set is that of rage and anger. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to be careful, be mindful, and make sure you are safe and pay attention to your mental and emotional well-being
The good thing about it is there is no deadline for that letter. You can write a little bit each day, week or month. You will know when its done
when you feel that you have said everything you wanted to him, read it over, make revisions, and when you are sure about it then send it
so, with that said, what do you think?
Clinical Social Work
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I am just checking in with you to see if any of the suggestions we spoke about. Please don't hesitate to contact me with any questions or concerns you may have.