For the first time since all this started I finally feel like I got a response to my questions.... Thank you. I have so much mote to ask but I don't know where to start. I'm almost to a point of being numb if that makes sense?.... I don't feel like a priority to him anymore. His work is more important. Nothing I do is good enough. And believe me I sure try. Sexually we don't have a relationship at all. I'm sure I could get it by a simple gesture, but then all it it is is sex. An empty satifaction. I don't feel special anymore. Our teenage boys disrespect me now more than ever and he never really corrects them. Makes my days pretty difficult. We've tried to communicate, but that doesn't work unless I talk and answer things like he does. Simple and square. Simply put.... No emotion or drama. I am open with my feelings and thoughts more so now than I was before the affair. And it only hurts me more to express my thoughts when they are ignored. I'm not getting.g any younger and I've lost "me", the fun and goofy self I used to be. Now I'm only embarassed to be me.
Living life quietly..... Keeping to myself, which to me is a recipe for disaster....
I am so sorry that you are feeling so upset about your marriage.
It certainly sounds that you are "in neutral" with your marriage and with your life. As you say...that's an unpleasant place to be and a sure fire recipe for disaster.
Have you thought more about going back to counseling? If he isn't willing to go to couple's therapy...then I encourage you to find an individual therapist so that you can work on increasing your self-esteem and getting back in touch with you.
That the boys are also disrespecting you is sad and disappointing. If you think this is about the modeling they are picking up from their father..then that is really difficult. If it's teenage life...then there certainly are some remedies for that. I would suggest you take a look at the following website: www.loveandlogic.com
The Parenting With Love and Logic program is very easy to you...the website has a terrific parenting tip page.
I can understand the "living life quietly" plan...but it seems so painful...and hurtful.
Your life has to be more than just getting by....and a life void of emotion, humor, sharing thoughts-dreams-hopes...is likely to feeling miserable and just plain blah...
Somehow your marriage needs to be "woken up" or "shaken up"...
I see you are offline right now. When you come online I will be notified.
I look forward to chatting so that we can sort out this situation and look at some positive steps forward.
I am here if you are available to chat.
I do want to encourage you to consider individual therapy..I think it would help immensely in restoring your self esteem. You have a very stressful job and, absolutely, you do not want to slip into depression.
I agree that sex would be easy...but it would be sex and not love making....and in the end you might just feel used and worse about yourself.
Relationships always involve some amount of work...but what is happening between you and your spouse is significantly more. That you are feeling so discounted and disconnected cannot continue.
As to your question about whether this is useless...my thought is that with therapy there is tremendous hope...without therapy that hope is reduced.
I will be online off and on throughout the day and will look for you.
I am sorry that you life is filled with such pain.
I am checking in again to see if you are here. I will be on for a bit now.
It is 1:34pm central time. I will be on for several hours.
I am sure we will connect sometime soon!
I am here.
Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
How about tomorrow 2pm ish central. I understand if u are busy..... But I will do my best to be online. I was sick....been a challenging week. :>\
Hello,I am sorry you were ill...Unfortunately today (Friday) does not work unless it were later in the day...say in the early evening. I would have some availability on Saturday...in the morning?Let me know if those time slots would work.Thanks!
Hi!It's been a while since we talked. I'm at my wits end. I looked up the question.... What do I do when my kids disrespect me and my husband ignores it? It was on the circleofmoms.com website. Something like that anyway..... And he replys to her blog hit hard and were exactly how I feel! I will send u the link, read it when u get a chance and please give me your thoughts on it. I asked my husband to read it so I sent it to him...... He finally answered me about it and told me it was a bunch of women bitching about their husbands...... He told me he don't have to read what the blog says cuz all he has to do is listen to me bitch. So please check it out and let me know.... Thank u:)
Yes...please send me the link...I'd be happy to read it and respond back.
Your husband's response is really disappointing. I'm very sorry.
Just post the think and I'll check it out.
Ok here it is..... Everything the woman typed back is all me...... Maybe this will help u see what is going on here or lack of.. dicipline is huge for us. Let me know your thoughts. Thank.u! http://www.circleofmoms.com/moms-of-teenagers/how-do-i-get-my-kids-to-respect-me-when-my-husband-doesn-t-help-actually-encourages-disrespect-380150You need to go to this and READ!!!!!! If it matters to you....
I read the blog. As you wrote, it does support the experiences you have had...and it verifies what I wrote earlier about the modeling your boys have seen and how that has impacted how they treat you.
It certainly is reassuring to see that you are not alone in how you are treated...yet at the same time it is very sad as no one should be treated in this manner.
In the end, however, you cannot change your husband's behavior. He is in control of his life and as he said about the blog...he is unwilling to pay attention to what other people say. The choice is up to you...which is why I have encouraged you to consider individual therapy. If there is to be healthy change in your marriage and in your family life, you are going to have to lead that change.
I'm glad you found this blog so you could gain some additional support.
I await your response.
Well I agree, but then sad that other women hurt like I do..... So as the one answer on the blog indicated it was a form of abuse...... Would that be still true, after all we have been through I did tell u that right?? I did in the beginning told u I had an affair that produced a baby.... Back in 2007-2008.... And he hasn't been all perfect as he let's everyone think.
By the way, at the end of that blog address I sent u it said....IF IT.MATTERS TO YOU.... That was copied from what I sent John...... Didn't want u to think.I was sending that comment to.u:)
Thanks! I figured that out, but thanks for pointing that out.
Yes...I did wonder about the abuse part and what you thought of that. It might be good for you to check in your community to see if there is a domestic abuse support group or specific services for women who have been a victim of domestic abuse. This might be a great opportunity for you to get on-going support and the chance to talk with other women who have lived similarly.
And Yes...you did tell me about the affair and your child.
Let me know what you think about domestic abuse.
Well, actually about 8-12 months ago I pushed and hit at him... He only pushed me once, probably to get me away.... But that happened about 5 times. I was so frustratedwith the lack of response from him wjrn we argued. Mind you I'm 5'5" and he's 6'3"..... But he has this square mind about our issues. Honestly if i didn't have needs like i do and was just like him....cold. then we would be great. Great friends that is. And I need comfort, affection, touch, compliments would be great, sweetness and most of all him to communicate what hes thinking and feeling. But I pretty much zero. He has even started ro be secretive about our money..... Never tells me when he holding or even shopping.... I feel left out. We used to tell each other everything every detail of ourdays. I need his love but he dont need mine or me i guess. Wouldn't u say so.....
Thanks for posting.
I do think that a call to a domestic violence office is in order more for information than anything. If there are some services that would benefit you and the kids more power to you! Please consider this.
If you have felt like hitting or shoving him...that also shows how out of control you are and that would be something to talk to the domestic violence people about.
If he is becoming secretive about money...that maybe one more step in the break-down of the marriage.
Yes...I understand that you need his love. And...perhaps he doesn't feel like he needs yours. That would be a good question to ask him. If he doesn't want or need your love...then that would certainly give you a better understanding of his actions and help you decide what options you do have in the relationship.
I am sorry this is all so painful...as you say...your used to have a loving, compassionate, and secure relationship. But that does not exist today. Can it be re-established? It takes two motivated people for that to happen.