KansasTherapist: Money is an issue-I am a church musician so my income has always been limited-I only have 10 more years to retirement and need those years to build out my social security. We split paying the mortgage on the beach house- I am living in it as he lives and works in England. Long story short- we have talked about me moving out whenever we hit this wall of verbal abuse. He has told me I can stay in the house, as long as i pay my half of mortgage, which is reasonable for this lovely house. But I am lonely here in the house of our memories and the home i hoped we would retire in.But by staying here, I could save about $500 a month(that I would have to spend living elsewhere). am i kidding myself to think i can paint walls, take down our pictures and stay here in this house indefinately by myself-save some money-have a large space for when my kids visit? When we talked about this casually I told him his american brother in law would have to act as landlord and that he would have to stay away so i could rebuild my life-he agreed- he cannot come here for 5 years so i think it is a relief to him that i would rent it(also I will get a percentage of the sale if I stay)-at what price can you imagine I will pay emotionally to do this? Please advise
There are emotional pluses and minuses to staying in the house. You have so many good memories of the beach, as you said before, you love it there. The sad thoughts of the life you hoped to make with your husband will off set some of them. What makes sense to me is, try it and see how it goes. You may decide it's uncomfortable a month from now or a year from now, and then you could leave.or as time goes by, it may seem more like home.
17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.