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Dan B.
Dan B., Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 19
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
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How can I deal with a narcissistic mother? How do I get along

Customer Question

How can I deal with a narcissistic mother? How do I get along with her?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dan B. replied 2 years ago.

danb :

My name is Dan. I would be happy to try helping with your question if you are available.

Customer:

yes i'm here

danb :

Hi

Customer:

Hi there.

danb :

Narcissists can be difficult. Can I ask first how old you are, so that I may better understand the point you are at in your relationship with your mother?

danb :

I see that you are offline. I will try to answer your question the best I can and get some clarification later if needed.

danb :

Narcissists can be frustrating but relatively easy to "deal with" with some understanding of of they think and act. The real problem is how you protect yourself while in a relationship with one.

danb :

Narcissists tend to be very fragile and insecure. Their behaviors are aimed at giving themselves a boost or making themselves look better, often at the expense of others.

danb :

To deal with your narcissistic mother the first and most important thing that you must do is develop and maintain your own boundaries. Do not allow yourself to accommodate everything that she expects. You must be prepared to say no and to walk away if she tries to put you down, hurt you or your feelings to her advantage, or simply when you are not feeling respected or treated the way that you deserve to be treated.

danb :

It will be very difficult to get her to consider your feelings, unless you become somebody very important.

danb :

Basically, look after yourself. Walk away when you need to. Don't ask or expect empathy or concern.

danb :

If you come back online please let me know some of the specific things that you are struggling with. This will allow me to be more helpful; more specific and less vague. I look forward to helping you further in the future. Thanks.

Dan B., Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 19
Experience: Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
Dan B. and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dan B. replied 2 years ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Dan,
I feel like you are right on target. I am really intrigued with your words about "the real issue is how you protect yourself in a relationship" and I feel this could have some value toward other areas in my life. Can you help me with entering into or developing some of my relationships (at work with colleagues, friends, and loved ones) to a deeper level or at least a more meaningful level for me? I sometimes feel like a lone rider although from the outside I have many friends and contacts, but I often retreat and keep to myself, my husband, and my two young girls when I'm not at work or at social outings/clubs/charity events. I often feel like I can really relax at home and don't have to be out fulfilling responsibilities or helping others. I think I may have trouble with establishing boundaries in general and I don't know how to become better at doing that. By the way, I am 31 and my Mom is 54. She has hurt me very much in the last 6 months and I have really distanced myself from her. I feel our relationship and her critical ways as my mother have hurt my relationship skills with others out of fear that they will be critical of me too. So I guess my issues are with establishing boundaries, saying no to things so as not to overload myself, and taking care of me and my little family unit more instead of putting outside things first. I feel a sense of obligation or that I am proving my worth by saying yes, but often times I overcommit and then when I can't fulfill them, feel even worse about myself. Your help and words have greatly consoled me and anythign more you can share or teach me would be great. Thank you.
Expert:  Dan B. replied 2 years ago.
Hi. I wanted to let you know that I saw your reply and am working on your question.
Expert:  Dan B. replied 2 years ago.
I am so sorry that it is taking so long for your answer. I had just finished typing for quite some time and somehow accidentally exited from the page and it did not save. I am too tired at the moment to begin again for now but I WILL get back to you tomorrow. Thanks so much for you patience.
Expert:  Dan B. replied 2 years ago.
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