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AskJason, Relationship Answers
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  B.A. Psychology
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i have been seeing a girl on & off for about 8 months. i love

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i have been seeing a girl on & off for about 8 months. i love her so much but i really dont know how she feels about me, sometimes she says she wants to be with me & then other times she is totally distant. at the moment we arent classed as being 'together' just working on things. the main problem she has with me is i have had a premature ejaculation problem which i am working on, other than that i feel we are perfectly suited to each other. i act as though we are still in a relationship but i sort of feel that she knows she can do anything & i will still be there for her. i dont think she is seeing anyone else, but i get the feeling she is keeping her options open whilst knowing i will always be there for her. i dont want anyone but her, but i dont know if i will ever truley have her at the moment - we havent spoken properly since i returned from 2 weeks in the uk. the whole time i was away she said how she realised she didnt appreciate me & that things would be different when i would get back & she didnt want to be apart again. then the day i come home she leaves the apartment (she had been staying at my place) & said she needs space. i want to know where i stand but it changes all the time it seems, i dont want to push her away & i feel giving her an ultimatum will probably do that. what should i do?
(My answers are intended as information and opinion only. I am not a Dr. or a licensed psychologist and can not offer counseling or medical advice.)Hi my name isXXXXX sorry you have found yourself in this difficult situation. It definitely appears that this woman is sending you mixed messages. staying in your apartment while you are away and telling you she can't wait for your return, only for you to find that she leaves the minute you arrive is definitely contradictory and confusing behavior. To answer your question, I do believe you have to tell her exactly how you feel an make it clear that you are interested in having a commited, monogamous, and mutually engaging relationship. Not that you have to give her an ultimatum really, but instead just tell her what you feel and give yourself the ultimatum. In other words, tell yourself that you must react to her actions and be fair to yourself even if it means walking away from this relationship if you determine it to be one sided. As much as you may love her, if the love is not being reciprocated and if you have made it very clear that you are finding yourself yearning for more from her but she is not willing to give you more, then you have to make the hard decision as to whether the relationship is worth investing your heart to any longer.
Please feel free to reply to my answer above and ask another question if you'd like to converse about this further.
Hi again. I just got a notice that you left me a "neutral feedback" response stating that I "helped a little". I definitely want to leave you satisfied and I had messaged you to feel free to follow up with me if you wished to converse further. You first question regarding whether or not you should give her an ultimatum was answered as best as I could given the information you provided. I would be more than glad to continue with you if you'd like to provide me with more specific questions. Also, I had edited my first answer because at first I thought we were in the "live chat" session. When I realized we were in the "question and answer" format I edited my initial response which was simply to ask you to give me a moment to read your question. I hope you saw my edited reply which specifically addressed your question regarding whether or not to give your girlfriend the ultimatum? Again, please feel free to continue this dialogue and I will be happy to assist!
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