What's up with this...........started seeing a guy few months ago...........he says he's not the toucy/feely kind or bery sexual and women have said he is a dud in bed............at first he liked to kiss me alittle more often than now.....I ask if I got the urge to kiss him could I go ahead...he said yes, occassionally......he waited to kiss me for a long time once. I ask what took you so long..........he said we have to take it slow and we both need to be cautious....He has been married before and single now for over 10 years.........he does kiss me before I leave and maybe a couple more times.seems to be more affectionate in the bedroom.....and let's me take lead also. he is really good to me.....respect, manners and does things for me....at the very beginning he gave me more compliments altho he will still tell me at times that I look good..........What happened??? Or is the way men act when they don't know how to show affection? We don't even cuddle on the couch altho we have once or twice. he even said if he thinks about the bedroom too much he feels intimiated. I like this guy....he has a loving heart but not really showing it...............Thank-you
asking if i could kiss him out of the blue, ask if he concidered me his girlfriend and he said not yet.....I feel like I'm getting mixed messages. Oh, and he is not one who likes to talk on phone or type too much to anyone. I just don't want to push him away.
It seems like this guy has a generally low level of sexual interest and doesn't have the best communication skills. It's also possible that he is having some depression. Have you asked him if he has always been the way he is? Even with all his good qualities, I suggest you think carefully about whether this is the kind of relationship you want in the long term. If you're hoping that he can relax and want to be closer to you, he might be the wrong guy for you. If this is just his way, it's not likely to improve.
No I haven't ask him if he has always been this way but I sure will when it comes up again. he did tell me that he had ADHD and some anxiety disorder. My sister has taught kids with Aspergers and after describing this guy to her, she sems to think it sounds like he may have some form of that too. Could this play a big part in the way he is? If this is the way he has always and will always be, maybe that's why his marriages didn't last and why he's been single for so long? Do you think it may be possible that he wants to get closer but he just doesn't know how? he doesn't seem to have a problem sharing what he's into or goals he has for himself and sometimes he keeps bringing up his past failures at marriage and being single for so long. You know I am going to try to just treat him as a good friend and see what happens. Music brought us together and we sing out together now but i will want to continue the music relationship for sure..
Asperger's crossed my mind as well. There are more and more people diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders and we are learning more about them. If he can talk about his goals and relationship issues, but not his emotions, it's likely he doesn't have much awareness of what his emotions are or what you'd are for that matter. I think it's good that you are willing to continue as friends and see how things go. Being such a nice person, he deserves a chance.
Yes, I agree he does deserve a chance. I didn't understand what you meant when you said or "what you'd are for that matter" If it is aspergers, if they cannot express their emotions, are there any signs or ways of showing someone that they are interested in them more than a friend I should be looking for? He is very hyper and always going or doing many things, not much eye contact, easily distracted, always late and it always looks like his pupils are always small...................could these few signs be aspergers? So are you saying that with aspergers, the person has a hard time expressing emotions? He has said he is enjoying getting to know me and is attracted to me at one time. maybe it's just a wish but could there be a possiblity that he does care alot for me but just doesn't know how to tell me? Thank-you so much for taking your time with me and my questions.
I meant to say he doesn't know much about what your feelings are.There are varying degrees of Asperger's. Most often a person with the disorder doesn't recognize emotions, their own or other peoples. He certainly does seem to know that he enjoys spending time with you, expressing himself with music, and to be attracted to you. It might be that he has some relatively mild symptoms or just be a different sort of person.
17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
Thank-you for all your help. It is so appreciated................Theresa
You're completely welcome.
Can you tell me some signs that a man may give when he is very interested in you but not a affectionate guy to begin with? Are there certain actions? I know that actions speak louder than words but his actions are not on the line of showing affection.Is therer anything that he could be doing to tell me he cares without words? Thank-you so much!!
I would say he's showing that he cares when he does simple, everyday things for you, wants to send time with you, talks to you about things that matter to him, listens to what you say, and responds to things you ask him to do.. That's a short, general list. There would be other things that would be more individual to the person.