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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1412
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Is there a psychological reason or any reason that a man would

Resolved Question:

Is there a psychological reason or any reason that a man would want to share his wife with another man? I have been trying to find some information on the internet but am not having much luck.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Hello. It isn't so much a psychological reason as it is sexual fantasy related. Some people have completely different ideas as to what is morally ok than others. There are tons of couples who 'swing' and are completely open to having other sexual partners and that is what works for them. Anything that two consenting adults want to do, that is their own business if it makes them happy. As far as one specific reason that a man would want to do it specifically, there isn't really a good answer which would delve into a deep mental issue or an event in a childhood which would cause this to happen. It just comes down to what turns someone on. Human sexuality is very complex when you break down the specifics of what does what to whose mind. In any case, if both parties agree to the scenario, that is perfectly ok. If it becomes such a serious concern in the relationship where the man is demanding to do it and the wife isn't comfortable, then that is something of importance to find a solution to.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
My husband is not pressuring me but this has been a reoccuring fantasy that he has wanted to become a reality for quite some time. He recently had a serious discussion with me and wants to know why he feels this way and what is making this desire so strong. He will not go to counseling. I don't have much insight for him but I do fear this will cause damage to our relationship but maybe I feel that way because I don't understand it. Should we just have open discussions and find out if this is for us? Do you know of any websites or places I can get information on this? I have some deep rooted self esteem issues and I fear this will make them worse. I don't want to feel objectified.
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.

The fact that your husband has come to you with this is a great sign of your relationship. I would continue to have open conversations about it and if you are uncomfortable, then never do anything you are uncomfortable with. Perhaps you both can reach some sort of compromise with maybe video taping you both having sex and letting him watch it. When his desires start causing stress in the relationship, then I would recommend counseling, which you said he has refused. If he really wants an answer to this and if he really feels strongly about your marriage, maybe he will reconsider. I know it can be an embarrassing subject, but if he can get past that part of it, it can really be beneficial for him to speak to someone face to face. Sexual fantasies are completely normal and healthy. It's when they spill into the real world and it makes others uncomfortable, that it becomes an issue. If you have self esteem issues, I would recommend that you not do this.

You can GOogle the term "Paraphilia" if you want some insight into more extreme cases of what you are talking about. There is also a book called "Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women's sexual fantasies" by Wendy Maltz.. Even though it talks about womens fantasies, it has some interesting chapters about the differences between men and women and their fantasies. It's available on Amazon. If you Google Wendy Maltz, she can be a good recourse for this type of behavior.

Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1412
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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