How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1352
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Paige is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Is there a psychological reason or any reason that a man would

Resolved Question:

Is there a psychological reason or any reason that a man would want to share his wife with another man? I have been trying to find some information on the internet but am not having much luck.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello. It isn't so much a psychological reason as it is sexual fantasy related. Some people have completely different ideas as to what is morally ok than others. There are tons of couples who 'swing' and are completely open to having other sexual partners and that is what works for them. Anything that two consenting adults want to do, that is their own business if it makes them happy. As far as one specific reason that a man would want to do it specifically, there isn't really a good answer which would delve into a deep mental issue or an event in a childhood which would cause this to happen. It just comes down to what turns someone on. Human sexuality is very complex when you break down the specifics of what does what to whose mind. In any case, if both parties agree to the scenario, that is perfectly ok. If it becomes such a serious concern in the relationship where the man is demanding to do it and the wife isn't comfortable, then that is something of importance to find a solution to.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My husband is not pressuring me but this has been a reoccuring fantasy that he has wanted to become a reality for quite some time. He recently had a serious discussion with me and wants to know why he feels this way and what is making this desire so strong. He will not go to counseling. I don't have much insight for him but I do fear this will cause damage to our relationship but maybe I feel that way because I don't understand it. Should we just have open discussions and find out if this is for us? Do you know of any websites or places I can get information on this? I have some deep rooted self esteem issues and I fear this will make them worse. I don't want to feel objectified.
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.

The fact that your husband has come to you with this is a great sign of your relationship. I would continue to have open conversations about it and if you are uncomfortable, then never do anything you are uncomfortable with. Perhaps you both can reach some sort of compromise with maybe video taping you both having sex and letting him watch it. When his desires start causing stress in the relationship, then I would recommend counseling, which you said he has refused. If he really wants an answer to this and if he really feels strongly about your marriage, maybe he will reconsider. I know it can be an embarrassing subject, but if he can get past that part of it, it can really be beneficial for him to speak to someone face to face. Sexual fantasies are completely normal and healthy. It's when they spill into the real world and it makes others uncomfortable, that it becomes an issue. If you have self esteem issues, I would recommend that you not do this.

You can GOogle the term "Paraphilia" if you want some insight into more extreme cases of what you are talking about. There is also a book called "Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women's sexual fantasies" by Wendy Maltz.. Even though it talks about womens fantasies, it has some interesting chapters about the differences between men and women and their fantasies. It's available on Amazon. If you Google Wendy Maltz, she can be a good recourse for this type of behavior.

Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1352
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency