Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your boyfriend might be distracted by his life right now. It does not necessarily sound like it is you that he is avoiding but rather he is not dealing with things that are not right in front of him, needing attention. And when someone does that, they are usually distracted or tired.You mentioned that you boyfriend has a heart condition that makes him feel ill. He also is facing surgery. Under that kind of stress, people usually will do only what they have to do. They may stop communicating with others, even important people in their lives. They may become depressed and are not as aware of it because of the distraction of the illness. And it could be that he lacks the energy to maintain any relationship at all. Since he does not show signs of cheating and he tells you that he wants to talk with you, then it is most likely something having to do with him and the stress of the illness he suffers with.What you can do is be there for him. He may need more time to cope with his situation, so continue to make contact and try to not expect him to reciprocate. He may not be able to until he feels better. Be supportive, offer help and most of all, try just letting him talk. He will appreciate the effort and will remember it when he does feel better. It is hard to be there for someone when you don't know how things will work out, but just by helping him you are making the relationship stronger.I hope this has helped you,Kate
It is very normal when you are as ill as your boyfriend is to not want to see anyone. He sounds like he has obligations with his mother and child so he must be there for them. And that alone can take a lot of his energy. It doesn't sound like he doesn't want to be there for them or you, he probably just doesn't have the energy to do more.
He may not be very good with relationships or closing doors as your friend said, but as he is now, there is no real way to tell what he is feeling because he is facing a serious illness. When someone is as ill as he is, their whole focus is on getting better and feeling better so it makes it difficult to judge their feelings about a relationship. If he was not ill, it would be easier to tell what he feels by the way he acts. But right now, all of his actions are tailored around his illness. So although your friend could be right, all you have to go on right now is your boyfriend's past actions, which may not tell you how he feels right now.
Beta Blockers can cause impotence, but that is unlikely to be the reason the doctor prescribed no sex or alcohol. It's more likely because of his heart condition.
He probably would tell you if he did not want to see you anymore. He is under a lot of stress right now and more than likely he would want to end any relationship he did not feel was important to him.
You're welcome Carolyn!
I'm not sure why the doctor would recommend no drinking except that he may be concerned about interacting with the medications or his heart condition, or both.
Thanks for responding - you really helped. Why do I feel that he isn't telling the truth about certain things? My mind thinks all kinds of things since I haven't seen him since January. Also, he never gets in touch with me and I had an injection in my back last week and heard nothing from him. I don't know if I should ask if he is seeing someone else or if he wants me in his life and if not to let me know or is his non-responsiveness, etc. from his depression and his heart condition. Maybe he is only thinking of his health? I just don't know any more!! I don't want to look like I'm too needy but yet it seems that I am the one continuing with conversations, etc. and if I did not, would I ever hear from him.
Sorry to ramble on.
Hi Carolyn, it's nice to hear from you.
It may be helpful to contact him to clarify what he is feeling. But if he tells you that he is ok with your relationship, then it may be that he is not feeling well and that is why he is unable to contact you. I know it's hard when you go through something because you want your boyfriend to care, but if he is really ill, it may be hard for him to think of anything else at this point. But contacting him will at least give you an answer. Be honest with him and tell him you are not sure how to interpret his actions. That way, he knows what you are asking and he can tell you what he feels. That will give you the answer you need.
I hope this helps!
Hi again Kate,
The thing is - he has never expressed feelings for me although I know he cares - he did say that he really likes me and would do anything for me -that was the end of last summer. I just wouldn't know what to say to him? Should I ask why he never gets in touch? A few weeks ago I texted him saying "I know you are going through a lot and I am here for you - if you don't want me to be in touch - just be honest" and he answered with "I know - everything is messed up right now, it's crazy - I have no problem hearing from you"....So what do you make of that comment?
It sounds like from his comment that he still cares about you but is just too ill/busy to contact anyone right now. When you contact him, you can tell him that you needed to touch base with him to see where your relationships stands right now. That should give him an opening to say what he feels. The only thing you can do is to decide if his issues are not something you want to deal with at this time. Leaving you up in the air makes it hard to have a relationship.
PS you may want to contact the moderators about the policy with starting new threads and with accepts for new questions.
Thanks Kate, but I don't really want to ask him where our relationship stands. I just think that will stress him out even more than he already is. Thank you for your help!