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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Recently, my boyfriend and I broke-up. He said he didnt want

Customer Question

Recently, my boyfriend and I broke-up. He said he didn't want to date anymore because he was too exhausted to argue (even though we had only argued for two weekends out of a 6 month perfect relationship). Since the terrible break up, and him saying he felt nothing for me, we have spoken. He said he did feel a strong connection with me but that he didn't have the energy to 'try again'. I told him that was his decision, that I didn't agree with throwing away a relationship because of arguing like that (sensing that he has some commitment issues), but it was his decision and I was moving on. He asked me if he could take me out to dinner for my birthday to which I kind of agreed -- but wasn't expecting to actually see him. Anyway, he tried to chat with me twice (I ignored the first and to the second, he asked when we could meet) -- after a little bit i resopnded and said let's touch base next week this week is busy and asked if this was for my birthday to which he said yes - and I said "nice". I guess I am confused about why he wants to take me to dinner and whether I should go.Is he trying to make himself feel better about being mean? Does he want to get back together? I can always change my mind as he had told me that I should just let him know when is convenient for me (when i said let's touch base next week).

I feel like this is total mixed signals -- I feel nothing, then I feel a connection but don't have the energy to try again, but then to keep contacting me and then trying to male a plan to meet. Do you think I should go to dinner with him? I would like to go to dinner but only to remind him of our connection and ask about trying again - in which case, if he said no i would just tell him that we couldn't see each other anymore. do you think I should go to dinner with him? or should I just ask him beforehand if he feels differently and if not, then not go to dinner... or should I just go to dinner and act normal and then see what happens. I have no idea if I could get back together with him at this point as this has been really painful but I also don't know if I want the drama of writing again and saying it's not a good idea.

Thanks for your help!!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.
I want you to really think about how you feel about him. Dont think about how much the relationship will take to Reestablish the connection again. Think about you and him starting over again, new fresh. I know this decision is something that changes your life. He wants to meet with you most likely to get back together to make things right where he felt they have gone wrong. The decision you have to make is whether you want to reconnect with him. Do you want to be with him to work things out? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. Thing about if you want to be with him and spend your life together. If you love him then you owe it to yourself to try to see where this will go. You dont want to live in regret and feel like you didnt try to get back with someone that could be the one you are suppose to be with.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply -- but is love/like besides the point here? Whether I love/like him or not - - can I trust him? What if he wants to go out with me just because he wants to be friends? If he wanted to get back together with me why would he have said "i just don't have the energy to try again"?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.
When relationship break up it is hard to get past the hurt, and disappointment of loving someone and it didn't work out. He is saying he doesn't know if he can put himself through that hurt again. But maybe he will consider trying. He wants to meet to see what he wants to do. He wants to see if his feelings are still strong for you. I feel you both should meet and work things out to see where they may lead.

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