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Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 720
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Hi i,m looking for a bit of advice off you not sure if you

Resolved Question:

Hi i,m looking for a bit of advice off you not sure if you will been able to help me
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.

Alicia_MSW :

Hi, I'm Alicia. I'm happy to try to help. What's your question/problem?

Customer:

my boyfriends dad past away in april and he is angry with me and my family and i dont know what to do or say to him to put these things right cuz i love him so much

Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 720
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
Alicia_MSW and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,

You clicked accept before we were finished chatting - can you reply to this message and let me know why your boyfriend is angry with you? I'm happy to reply and try to help. I'll reply as soon as I hear from you. Thanks.
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Okay, I've received your reply. Unfortunately, we're going to have to use this format because the chat function is disabled once you click accept. I hope that's okay.

With regard to the first part of your question, I can see how your boyfriend might be feeling a mix of emotions over the loss of his dad, especially since he's dealing with the grief process right now. So it sounds like he's just re-directing his anger toward you over what your mom may or may not have done in the hospital. You could talk to him about this and just let him know that you understand what he is going through and that you want to help him as best you can, but that if your mom did a sni**er in the hospital, it wasn't something she was aware of doing and it wasn't something you can be responsible for, regardless of whether she actually did it or not.

As far as the second part, you should talk with him and let him know that you're the mother - whether you agree with what he is saying or not, and that you don't appreciate his comments about your son. Again, it sounds like these comments are coming out of feelings of anger (maybe again, over losing his dad). But it's not helpful to your relationship if he makes disparaging remarks about your son.

The third part of your question: it sounds like you're spending a lot of time alone because of being ill. So you're feeling a bit more dependent on your boyfriend than you might like - and it sounds like he's having trouble being supportive of you right now (for example, not inviting you to the friends' house). You might discuss with him how you're feeling about this (whether it's this incident or just more generally speaking) and that you'd like to be included in future outings if that's possible, that you enjoy spending time with him and his mom.

It seems like he might need some extra support in terms of dealing with the loss of his dad, but it also sounds like you need some extra support. You might want to think about seeing a counselor, as this situation sounds pretty stressful for you and I imagine it's not easy to handle all of this on your own.
If you need help finding a counselor, you might want to use this website:
http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists/
Please let me know if you have any additional questions.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i could do with talking to someone to tell them everything thats gone on over all of this

Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I think it would be a good idea - you can find someone near you on that website. Best of luck and let me know if you need additional help.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sorry have you any idea what website I could go on please
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Yes, sorry, I thought I included that in my original reply :)
Here is a website for the UK - it's a therapist finder run by the British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy:
http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/therapists/
Where it says "type of therapy", you're best off choosing "psychodynamic." I hope that helps.

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Alicia_MSW
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Psychotherapist
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Specializing in relationship/family counseling