goodmorning.. i woke up today and i keep thinking about the fight and all the other fights and i feel really upset.
I love him so much but i dont know anymore if he really knows how much i love him because he is always doubting me during an argument and thinks im going to change when we get married. Ive shown him how much i love him i dont get why he gets so doubtful over and over.
I also feel scared of him his energy get creepy..i really feel he has two sides.
we had a great day and night last night but i feel he is trying to change me ..he said the fight was not necessary :you didnt have to say your bored at my place it made me feel like im boring and i do so much for you", he goes i know you can change and make an effort.and i just couldnt make love to him.
His like i want the best for you etc im like im not your child.
Then he said please tell me what to do to improve.. I said i cant anymore you have to believe and trust in me, i cant keep telling you how to be ..because i have been doing this alot in the past with him
in the beginning of the relationship w had many arguments because he kept getting influenced by people and he kept doubting me..hanging up one me..and this happened so many times. and we worked through it.
I have given him so many chances. then one day we had a really big fight because he was trying to side with my parents and not me when he knew how much they have put me through and he thought i was a liar.. he told me to get out of the house and hell kill me if i come back..yes thats how pathetic he is saying that crap.
i was kind enough to work through this with him too.. i went to his parents and told them what happened and they were very upset but we talked about it. and i stayed with him..but ever sisnce then i have been scared. like even when we have a small fight i just remeber that and i get so anxious
theres so many great things about us but theres also my fears and i feel i let him control me sometimes because im scared when i say something his face goes weird and he talks in a very cold and insensitive way.
his like i know what girls are like thats why i never had a girlfriend, he said he got hurt when he was young and he hated girls after that and he knows they change and his scared i might . Cox i said i get bored he hung up on me and said u need someone rich and he jsut takes it to another level. his immaturity level is gotten to me now.
i know no one is perfect and im not either. but weeve decided to take it slow. but i dont feel right.
hejsut called now and i jsut told him the truth tht i dont know if things will change and that how he said his gna kill me once.. im not over and when we have a fight i get scared of him.
his said you jsut show a little respect i said i try my best but u cant deal with arguments constructively and you lose your cool and temper and you hurt me and i dont think that is going to change .
he said if you cant get over that big fight before then we got to end it. so now his at work and im at home thinking about this.