How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask DrJackiePhD Your Own Question

DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 193
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
68163550
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
DrJackiePhD is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago saying his feelings

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago saying his feelings had changed for him a year ago. but only two weeks ago he was seeking out my hand to hold it and kissing me on the back while in bed. I know he has childhood issues, but I can't guess where I stand
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 2 years ago.

DrJackiePhD :

Hello, is anyone helping you?

DrJackiePhD :

I'm Dr. Jackie, and I'm here to help if I can.

DrJackiePhD :

I saw you online, but I think you might be offline now. So I am going to switch off chat mode and go into Q&A format and see if I can help from there.

Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 2 years ago.
What Happens Now?

Your chat has ended, but you can still work with your Expert to get an answer to your question if you have not yet received one.

Come back to this page at any time to see additional information from your Expert. You will also receive an email when your question is updated. If you want to send a message to your Expert, use the box below.

If you have already received a satisfactory answer to your question, click the Accept button above. Experts are credited for each accepted answer they provide.
================================================================
Hello again,
I'm Dr. Jackie, and I want to help if I can. You asked about your boyfriend's sudden change in behavior. You say he broke up with you when only two weeks ago you were engaging in PDAs (Public displays of affection! Cool ).
Can I ask for more information--such as
1) Did either of you go through a major life change, like a new job, loss of family member or close friend, etc.?
2) Did something drastically change at his job that would influence other areas of his life because it hit him so hard?
3) Something had to have caused his decision. Can you fill me in on what he has said about this already?
Please let me know if I can help you, especially if you can give me additional information.
Best,
--Dr. Jackie
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

He received a promotion at work suddenly because the person above resigned which put alot of pressure on him. Also he has close friends one of which has MS. I have been abit jealous over his affection for them. I don't think he can put me first in his life because I might reject him like his mother did at only a few weeks old. Basically i was mean because I said I knew where his sympathies ly. He then text thats it! I'm Done, then I am so sorry. Don't hate me, I am hurting too. I demanded to see him and thats when he said he hadn't loved me for a year

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
His friend was in hospital . He text me, " I didn't make the decision over night love. which is how he would talk to me normally with affection. We were still intimate with each other. Things weren't great but we were both stressed
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

We had good times that week as well

I don't know if he actually doesn't love me or is lying to escape and distance himself

 

Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 2 years ago.
Wow! I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.

First, if you had really good times until just a week or so ago and especially since you experienced genuine affection, I would be highly surprised if he just all of a sudden didn't have feelings for you. That usually doesn't happen. So I hope that helps a little to know that relationship study outcome. Almost all romantic relationships that end do so slowly meaning there are stages usually just like with escalation. What I mean is, usually love and affection do not just cease in one day.

There are little disagreements that start to become larger through time. Then your intimacy/sex life starts to decrease. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Second, you mentioned his sick friend with MS. That has to be very difficult. I believe you indicated that this was recently diagnosed. Your boyfriend may not have accepted this yet/processed it. Does the friend have it terminally or have the doctors not said? There are different types, so I'm wondering if perhaps the friend just received a "death sentence." This could be unbearable for your boyfriend if this is the case.

Third, he recently was promoted and has a lot of new stress. I don't know if he works out or has some other type of release. If he doesn't, stress might have been building for some time like a pressure cooker; and your text was just the "straw that broke the camel's back." You say he wrote you back via text that he didn't make the decision overnight. My best guess is that the building pressure and stress just blew the other night.

Do you think he would be willing to sit down and talk? Even if the outcome is not what you want, both of you need closure. Otherwise it will be that much more difficult for either of you to move on.

What do you want to do at this point?

Best,
==Dr. Jackie

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I spoke to him today on the phone. I asked if we could try again. He said this time he didn't find me sexually attractive. Our sex life never decreased and his friend has had ongoing ms for ten years. I feel I have been used. Could it be possible that he has lied to me about not having any emotion for me so he could get away
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I spoke to him today on the phone. I asked if we could try again. He said this time he didn't find me sexually attractive. Our sex life never decreased and his friend has had ongoing ms for ten years. I feel I have been used. Could it be possible that he has lied to me about not having any emotion for me so he could get away

 

I guess there isn't any chance of him coming back now

Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 2 years ago.
I am so sorry this has happened. And I am guessing you are still in shock and disbelief. If your sex life never decreased until the sudden break up, then it truly is hard to believe that he just now views you as sexually unattractive. Being attracted to someone else is not always rational, but this sudden change is irrational for sure.

I still maintain that something happened to him that made him emotionally shut down (and thus sexually as well. Yes, it is possible that he lied to you about not having attraction and feelings so that he could "get away" as you say. Because like I said, it doesn't make sense that he all of a sudden would have this change of thought.

I can't answer if he will ever come back or not. But I don't think if he does come back, it will be for awhile. He seems to have a lot of things he needs to sort out. I am so sorry. I am suggesting that you talk to someone in person--a grief counselor or therapist. You are going through a loss, and someone in a therapy session might be able to help you as you go through this pain and healing process.

Best,
==Dr. Jackie
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 193
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
DrJackiePhD and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 2 years ago.
I am trying to follow up! I am not sure why I can't reply to your most recent post. Sometimes if has to do with not ACCEPTING an answer. But I will keep trying to respond! If you get this and I did not respond on June 5th, please know I'm trying to respond!

--Dr. Jackie

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency