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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 444
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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I met her 8 month ago first 3 month she like me alot and I

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I met her 8 month ago first 3 month she like me alot and I ask her to marry her in the third month she everytime we go out she grab my hand and when if we in the car she lean to me and put her head at my shoulder then I saw her once with other guy and call her ask her about him she said he is just friend I spoke with her with low tone voice I didn't get angrey and told her that not suit then she got mad I send her some text massage then she don't want to talk to me I tried for one week just to get her back then I did she is back and forgive me about what happen but what is real is her fault not mine the she change she didn't grab my hand she call me if I don't call her for two days and ask why don't I call her and sometimes she grab my hand but I feel the level of interest goes a way down evertime I think to end this relationship but I won't cause I will feel sorry for her she need someone to be with her and I don't know to do to make her lever of interest rise and return like first months and thanks
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 4 years ago.
It sounds like you're still in the process of getting to know each other and learning to communicate. When two people meet, they each have their own expectations. It seems that your expectation is that she not spends time with males friends. Her expectation is that you trust her to be faithful even if she does have male friends she hangs out with. Now you've apologized to get her back, but don't really think you did anything wrong. This will probably continue to be an issue unless the two of you talk it out, and come to some agreement about this and other issues. If the two of you can't agree on big issues like this, it's better that you not get married.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
when I ask her in first time to marry her she said I Like you alot and I need time but she didn't say she love me and after 8 months I ask her again she said that she will go back home and live there and I told her I could come and open a coffe there will you marry me she said yes then she said she want someone that make her to feel love and make her to forget her family and we keep that subject for the time she said may be she will feel that with me or may be not she said that she want time I ask her how long she said I don't know!! and now she sometimes talk about having kids and talk about some married couples and she talk about the house she want to live in but she always use "I" instead of "we" so is that sing she want to marry me or she just say that
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 4 years ago.
Hello! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and have helped people resolve relational issues for several years. I hope I can be of help to you!
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 4 years ago.
It sounds to me you have totally different expectations. You want a serious relationship right now and she doesn't appear anywhere close to that. You are seemingly trying to win her commitment with gifts and concessions. This seems to be a risky way to build a relationship. I fear if you win her this way this may be the destiny of your relationship. I feel you have a couple choices. Either you break this relationship off and seek out somebody with similar goals and expectations to yours or you continue to see this girl, but slow down and give her care for you time to grow, understanding her commitment to you may never be the same as yours to her. Of course, another choice is to continue to chase her with gifts and concessions. I know this may seem harsh, but it is my perception with the limited knowledge I have of your relationship. I hope I have been of help. You can interact further if you wish even after you accept. Thank you for letting me help!
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 4 years ago.
I see you have been offline. If I am online when you return please feel free to pursue this issue further even after you accept. I really do want to help you...
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hello again !! I really need help ! and I want your advise ! She is very Good Person and I really want to win her heart and marry her .. I will try shorten my story with her .. in first 3 months we were rising in level of interest on each other and she always grab my hand if walk anywhere mall street or to resturant!! and she lean over me and but her head on my shoulder when I drove the car!! she calls me everyday ... but sometimes she doesn't call for two days and she doesn't want to talk and when I ask her why by sending text message !! she reply she had a problem or sometimes she said she is depress and can't talk I ask her for the reason she didn't answer !! and one day I call her but she doesn't answer my calls I call her 3 times I began to suspicion that she knows someone else than me another ((guy)) ... I went to where she live her bulding and stay at my car observe 3 hours past then I shocked she got out from a car and she was with a guy I felt someone stab my heart with a nife a couldn't believe what I saw I waited for 30 minutes and call her I asked her where were she and she replied to me she was cleaning her clothes I shocked by her answer and I told her that I saw her with other guy by coincidence when I were out with my friend and I called you but you didn't answer !! and she said she was with him and she said that I'm following her and she said she feel angry I told her I'm calling you know to reach an understanding and I spoke with her with low tone voice and respect I told her that it not right for me to see you with other guy she said yes but this one is not he is like a girl to me I don't see him as a guy I replied he is a guy to me then she replied she know him like 3 year before and then I told her with low tone voice and respect you have to make your choice me or him !! then she get mad and say I don't want to speak with you !! I got shocked I ask her what was between us !! the things we share and the caring is everything ends now she say yes then she hanged the phone on me !! I called her back but she didn't answer and send me a text message she don't want to talk I replied with three messages and next day she red my messages and she doesn't like what I wrote to her and get mad I tried to call her but she replied with text message she don't to talk with me anymore and I asked her why she said you said more than enough she meant the messages !! I felt depress and I tried to apologize for her by calling her but she doesn't want to replied ... then after one week she forgive me !! and from her she was different from before days and days past we return to each other but still not like first 3 months and I still had suspicion on her !! so I tried to observe her for long time and I catch her she goes out with other guys but I found that all of them are just friend but there is one between them she consider him aboyfriend she doesn't know that I know I kept that for me and I feel pain and still one day she had a fight with her who she consider to be her boyfriend and she doesn't spoke with him again !! she lies about her friends sometime she goes out with them I call her she answer and she says she is alone driven the car but the truth is she is with him and if she with her boyfriend she doesn't pick up my call and when I asked her she lies to me by saying she forget her phone in the car and she was shopping and something like that !! right now she is in depress mode and she curving chocolate and carbs alot she cried after the fight with him I saw her in the same day and when I told her what wrong she says her family the don't care for her like before because she live here in kuwait alone and her family live in tunis day after day she become cold because of what happpen to her be she still show for me care and ask for me call me if I didn't call her for two days or sometimes for one day and she spoke about her feeling and told me I'm alaways there for her and what I nice man I am and once she says I'm very nice and I have feeling to you and there is love but not that much of love and she says she hope one day feel the feeling and then we can get marry !! still I don't know what to do I feel pain of her lies and still she is good with me she care she ask for me and when i'm sick she care too!! I really want her and want to win her heart she is the one for me but I don't want to just win her with money I want to when her with feeling !! she never ask for gifts or money I'm the one who gave her and she really appreciated and she says sometimes you care for me you the one who can I spoke with and get out all my emotion and make be feel better and you the one he feel me if i'm sad !! you always there to help !! I think I shorten the story and really need your help ... Thanks alot
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 4 years ago.
OK, you have confronted her and this obviously angered her, for which you apologized. You are still suspicious of her, but want to win her over. I believe that is only going to happen if you remain loyal to her as a friend. Quit pursuing her. Just be there for her and let her pursue you, This is no guarantee, but I believe it is your only opportunity. I will say it again, quit chasing her and make her come to you. Go ahead and be her friend, but be content with that. I know this is difficult, but it is all I have. I hope I have been helpful. If you have any further questions, please feel free to ask them, even after you accept. I am here to help you!
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 444
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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