How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1809
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
64783947
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

me and my new girlfriend have been together for 4 mths now.

Resolved Question:

me and my new girlfriend have been together for 4 mths now. she wanting to talk to me all the time on the phone or txt, telling me about her day and whats going on with her kids ball games etc. now shes stopped doing that. i dont understand
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

are you still spending time with each other or has that changed as well?

Customer:

i work away from home, but when im home yes, we cant seem to be apart.


 

Customer:
CoachJenK :

and when you ask her why the texts and calls ahve slowed down what is her response?

Customer:

she says she doesnt know. i just came back to work from a week off with her and things have been totally different since i returned to work. she was always so sweet telling me she misses me and wants me etc and now its as though weve been married for years.


 

CoachJenK :

I think the best thing you can do is ask her if her feelings toward you have changed and if she isn't feeling what she was when you first got together.

CoachJenK :

was the connection good when you were with her for the week?

Customer:

she says shes scared. whats that suppose to mean. i make her feel special, she says shes never been happier and now shes scared...yes the connection was good. im away now for 2 weeks then we are flying to san francisco for a week together, i dont understand why shes being hurtful towards me.


 

CoachJenK :

shes scared because she feels so deeply for you and it is bringing up her fears around it not working out

CoachJenK :

that can happen when we feel deeply.

CoachJenK :

sO if the connection was good I would only focus on that and show her that you are there and consistent...not with words but by being the same man you have that has had her fall for you

Customer:

i know she feels deeply about me, but im feeling as though im losing her instead of moving forward. its as if we have stalled.

CoachJenK :

no i think she is just protecting her heart a bit...keep being the loving man you are and she will begin to feel less scared

CoachJenK :

try not to pressure her

CoachJenK :

the more steady you are the more she can rely on your love

CoachJenK :

and you can also give her some reassurance....I love you and I am not going anywhere...you are safe.

Customer:

lol. shes been telling me that.

CoachJenK :

lol...

CoachJenK :

us chicks think alike! :-)

CoachJenK :

we are a tough nut to crack.

Customer:

its very frustrating having these feelings and kinda having a regime we used for a month when i was away with talking to each other in the am, txtng each other periodically thru the day and saying good night to each other on the phone, not happening now.


 

CoachJenK :

yes it is hard to take what feels like a step backwards.

CoachJenK :

a little space around it may help too...so she can miss you....

Customer:

im thinkin that this is what it is, a step backwards, i dont like that.


 

CoachJenK :

yes but it is more about self protection for her...she is worried now that she is in deep you will break her heart, but what she isnt realizing is that she already is in deep and either way her heart will be hurting if you are not together.

CoachJenK :

but when you go away to San Fran show her the best time and the best connection between the two of you

Customer:

she gave me closet space to put clothes at her house, i have met some of her kids, they all like me, i give her everything possible to make her life less stressful and easier to be happy. dont laugh but she is a mother of 7 and i have taken on a big chore but am willing and happy to do so.


 

CoachJenK :

holy moly...mom of 7..big kudos to her.

CoachJenK :

keep doing all that you have and know that she is crazy busy and it could also be that now that she is comfortable with you she doesnt feel like she needs to reach out as much but it doesnt mean she feels anything less for you

Customer:

ya shes only 33 as well. shes amazing and wonderful, was married to a mormon guy, but not no more obviously.


 

CoachJenK :

and now shes got a guy who isnt a moron...so go with the flow a bit!

Customer:

so just give her space and wait for her to contact me first from now on?


 

CoachJenK :

Youre fun...I can tell..she doesn't want to lose that...let it ride!

CoachJenK :

be yourself and if you feel like reaching out...then do...but just know mom of 7? ay not a minute to herself

CoachJenK :

Im a mom of 3 year old twins and I can hardly find a second!

Customer:

i think i am fun, and i really do care about her, she thot being a mother of 7, i would run and i didnt, so now all i try to do is show her im not running.


 

CoachJenK :

yes exactly!!!!! now you got it! keep doing all that you are. She would be silly to let you go...she just thinks you will first so she is protecting.

Customer:

am i trying to hard then?


 

CoachJenK :

are you letting her breathe at all?

Customer:

im not sure !


 

CoachJenK :

are you texting her tons and tons?

Customer:

we txt quite a bit, she usually starts but i keep on going...


 

Customer:

i spoil her and the kids as much as possible also.


 

CoachJenK :

ok I dont want you to lose what is natural for you, but just pay attention a bit and see if it could feel smothering...

CoachJenK :

you can even ask her that...do I smother you?

Customer:

and if the answer is yes then i just walk away?


 

CoachJenK :

no you dont walk away you let her know you will work on it to give her more space

CoachJenK :

that you want her to communicate to you what she needs and the same for you

Customer:

shes said how she wants me to be part of all things in her life. she tells me she wishes i was at these ball games with her to experience the wonderful moments etc etc i didnt think i would be smothering her by wanting to know everything and trying to interact as much as possible.


 

CoachJenK :

I agree it doesnt sound it either....lets just chalk it up to a few things...fear of losing you, being incredibly busy as a mom and moving into more of a comfortable space with you

CoachJenK :

so as best you can then lets not put too much meaning to things....the connection is great and that is the focus

Customer:

i will give this approach a try and see if it helps, i hope she doesnt get further away from me thats my biggest fear now.


 

CoachJenK :

yes and you both have fears which could make you hold on tighter...so yes give it a try and come back and request me anytime.

CoachJenK :

please click accept if i have been helpful

Customer:

okay i will thank you.


 

CoachJenK :

my pleasure

Customer:

:)


 

CoachJenK :

have fun

Customer:
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1809
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
Coach Jen K. and 5 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K.
Social Worker, Professional Coach
925 Satisfied Customers
Providing the Utmost Care and Support