What you do would depend on what outcome you're seeking. If she's asking for no contact or not as frequently, then you'd be respecting her wish by following with that.
If you want to reuinte once again, then you'd contact her just to say hi and check on how she's doing.
One thing to be honest w/ yourself is- how long do you intend to go on this roller coaster with her breaking up with you then getting back together?
It is possible that she fears abandonment and is projecting that onto you. Hence, she's the first to break up in order to feel in control and not be the one abandoned.
Yet, as an adult, she should engage in some self introspection about her own behaviors.
It is as though she does not know what she wants and finds excuses as to why she is pushing you away- you're telling her things, you're crowding her by calls/texts, crimping her space being at her house too much, etc.
At what point is she going to own her part in this relationship dynamics?
Three months is not enought time to have gotten to know someone well.
You mentioned that the relationship moved on quite fast. Initially, what the two of you had experienced changes over time. The high/infatuation decreases as both individuals get to know one another and become comfortable w/ each other.
Is it possible that she is looking more for the "in love" feeling, dating scenario rather than a solid relationship- what you're offering to her?
Thank you for your answer. Some of this I had actually thought, so it's good to have it confirmed that I'm not completely off-track!
Particularly the part about ending things before she's abandoned - However I really believe I've not given her any cause to believe that I would - Quite the opposite. And perhaps that's the problem
From what you've shared, it seems more of a dysfunctional relationship even so soon in the first stages of the relationship.
Yes, it's possible that she is also afraid of commitment (especially if her past relationships had been unsteady)
This is something she has to work on by herself. Neither you nor another can do it for her.
I think I may have come across as needy by being too much in her face and yes I think I have crimped her space. She doesn't appear to have a lot of time and has a close family and friends. My crowding her has been mentioned frequently. The only reason I tend to contact her too much is when she's not indicating there's an issue but just disappears.
Could she have been attracted to you because in some way she felt safe/protected and then confused her emotions with those of romantic ones?
She did initially tell me before the first break up that I "made her feel safe". then I made a huge mistake
If you're to have a serious/solid relationship though, you can't be somehow make yourself absent when it suites her. Don' you agree?
If you're to be a couple, that means sharing time/space/your life basically.
Do you think she's being absolutely honest about just not having time to see someone 3/4 times in the week days, or is this an excuse to push me specifically away?
She is sending you mixed messages. She either wants a relationship or she wants the fantacy of dating someone.
Both are possible- not having time due to her job, taking care of her kid, and not wanting to commit seriously.
Going back and forth like that with you borders on the emotionally abusive though.
So in your opinion I accept based on what I've told you, do you think it likely or unlikely that if I pull right back and give her space, things might move forward?
Whether she's punishing other (ex men) through you or just not knowing what she wants, it is still unfair to treat someone like that. For a relationship to be a good one, honestly is very important. That also includes being honest with oneself and not playing mind games w/ others.
Or do you think she will just disappear now?
She has said she wants me still
and i do want her
Yes, if things proceed a bit slower, it's possible to work through this. The two of you have to be very specific of what you want.
It has to be clear what boundaries there are to be, what each expects of the other and what sort of a relationship is envisoned by either one of you.
It is also helpful to set some sort of a time line. For example, let's see how the next 6 months are and take it from there.
For this to work out, clear and honest communication is going to be a must.
She is the one that eventually interprets what you say. It is best to talk about this rather than via text/email.
Perhaps you could let her know that you agree w. her- taking things slower is a good idea. Remind her that the two of you had had good times and would like to make some more happy/enjoyable memories over time. Or you could pose it as a question to her. Something like- "how would you like us to proceed from here on?" and then confirm that you're open to taking it one day at a time and see where things go from there. If you're fearful/anxious when you communicate to her, she could sense that. Rather, try to be relaxed and open to her reaction.
" To text or not to text, that is the question.... "
"She had made it clear on Saturday that one of the things that she had a problem with me with was that she felt that if I didn't hear from her for a day I couldn't deal with it and would then call and text her again and again."
If there was a mutual understanding not to follow up w/her even in a few days since she's not contacted you, then you stick to that understanding. It would of made more sense to know what would she consider a reasonable time frame. If you were the last to get in touch w/ her, then allow her to follow through with you when she can or want.
Saturday may seem as a long time, and you did mention that there is a holiday being observed. In reality, it's only a couple of days.
Perhaps after the holiday is over, upon hearing from her, you'd get a better idea of what kind of time span is she comfortable with in not hearing from one another. Something else to ask her if you have not done so, is how many texts/emails a week/day she feels comfortable in receiving.
You could wait another day or so, and then send a casual text such as I'm just following up w/ you and hope you had a nice holiday...Something like that. This message does not obligate her to reply and she can still know you're there for her.
If you've told her that you agree that the two of you should take things slower, she should already know that you're there for her.
Perhaps you could wait to send her the email and see how things progress meanwhile. You've expressed a lot to her and it shows that you care about her. You have to realize that she may be insecure and as a result projecting that onto you. And, it may be scary to her that your happiness lies in her hands. That can be anxiety provoking to her as well.
If you decide to send her an email, you may think about touching upon the fact that it seems that there may have been some miscommunication initially or lack of communication that could of led to this. You can point out to her that as people are getting to know one another, they're also learning about their likes/dislikes and pace they feel comfortable moving with. It is understandable and as long as each partner is open with the other one, less miscommunication occurs. She may think that you've not listened to her because the two of you express yourself differently.
When the two of you start to move in synchronized way, there is more harmony within the relationship without losing one's autonomy. Then, remind her that you'd like the two of you to have the chance to get to know one another better over time.
The email can do that because, you don't know how she'd perceive the shared information. This is best to be talked about in person in small steps along the way.