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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2819
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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A girl Im friends with for a couple years has a serious relationship with her boy fr

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A girl I'm friends with for a couple years has a serious relationship with her boy friend of three years. I spend a lot of time with her at work. After work sometimes we go golfing together and we have gone out to dinner and for drinks and dancing. I like her a lot but she is still very much consumed with her boy friend. He works a lot so she dosn't get to see him as often as she'd like to.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

What a tough spot for you to be in, but my gut says things arent going to change. She has the best of both worlds.

CoachJenK :

two ment that love her and she loves...someone to be her best friend and more and a serious relationship.

CoachJenK :

*men

CoachJenK :

it will come down to when you feel you can step away from this and be with someone that can give themselves fully to you

CoachJenK :

assuming you want that. You may be content with how this all is.

CoachJenK :

what are your thoughts?

Customer:

That's the way I feel sometimes. I just keep hoping she decides to just break it off with the other guy.


 

CoachJenK :

yes I am sure you have that hope and why wouldnt you...she gives you all the signals

CoachJenK :

I feel for you

CoachJenK :

you love her

CoachJenK :

how long has she been doing this dance with you?

Customer:

I'm having trouble with the chat, i hope we can continue

CoachJenK :

yes I am here.

CoachJenK :

what trouble are you having?

Customer:

two and a half years we've been good friends. We've only had sex this year maybe a dozen times since the year began but only when we've had a little too much to drink. She say's it was great but she wishes she hadn't of.

CoachJenK :

let me know if you would like me to switch out of chat and into Q & A mode if you are having trouble

Customer:

alright i'll see how it goes


 

CoachJenK :

the important thing is for you to figure out if this works and is enough for you and then decide how you want to proceed with her

Customer:

The other guy she's dating is married

CoachJenK :

ayyyyy

CoachJenK :

so lots of twists and turns to this

CoachJenK :

this is a very tough dynamic

CoachJenK :

are you single?

Customer:

I really really like her, or i guess i do love her. we have an awesome time together always


 

CoachJenK :

yes i hear that and if you are available to her and this other guy really isnt you would seem to be the obvious choice to me.

CoachJenK :

and is this other guy leaving his wife for her?

Customer:

no I'm married 38 years, my wife had surgery and we love each other but we haven't had sex in 2 years and she has no emotions toward me. she know i'm friends with allie I'll call her, and she's ok with it, although i know it does bother her some.


 

CoachJenK :

I think there is a lot of stuff to unwind here and I am not sure I see thing progressing past how things are for everyone right now.

CoachJenK :

I appreciate your honesty about all of it

Customer:

the other guy has been telling her he can't leave his wife right now but eventually he says when his kids move out and he saves money he will. she has mixed emnotions about it because she likes living alone.


 

CoachJenK :

It seems clear to me that things are pretty set in their ways here...so can you accept the relationship with her the way it is now if it doesnt progress further?

Customer:

we have a great deal of fun together i could see myself with her in the future, but i wonder if she'll ever give up on the other guy.

Customer:

i have a lot of things i'd like to talk to you about later, how can i reconnect with you.


 

CoachJenK :

I hear there is a strong connection between the two of you and I just not sure I see it changing and her leaving this other guy.

Customer:

i don't get to talk to anyone about this


 

CoachJenK :

At this point if I have been supportive please click accept.

Customer:
CoachJenK :

when you begin a new question please write for coachjenk at the beginning and it will come to me

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