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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
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Hi I am Aishas friend. My name is XXXXX XXXXX can call me Naj.

Customer Question

Hi I am Aisha's friend. My name is XXXXX XXXXX can call me Naj. Where to begin.. I am a 22 year old girl living in Saudi. In 2008, I graduated from high school. All my life I knew what I wanted for my career. I had everything planned out. My dream was to become a famous Artist. There wasn't any majors here for that so I moved to Bahrain which is almost an hour and a half away from Saudi by car. I lived in the girl's dormitory next to the university. It was the longest I've lived without any of my parents, not that it made any difference, they were divorced when I was younger, I basically raised myself and my brother during that period. So being away from them wasn't the problem here. First semester that year went smooth, I can't deny I was shocked at first. The other girls were much more experienced which made me doubt my own skills.. If it wasn't for this girl I met in my class, I wouldn't have passed. She helped me focus on myself because she was focused. She never really said anything to help, just watching her was an inspiration that made me excell in what I was doing. We became best friends right away. Next semester, she changed her major into business. I was sad but I wasn't scared I would fail Graphic Design at all. Next semester, I was dropping my friend who switched her major to her first class, right when I was about to leave I saw a girl. This girl changed my life from the very first time our eyes locked. I was always into girls, but she was different. I couldn't get my eyes off her even if I tried.. And hell, I've tried. Ever since that day, I couldn't get her off my mind. She possessed me. I skipped all my classes just to attend hers and watch her. I never really did that for the purpose of having her, it was just that looking at her free'd me from everything else on my mind. She began to show interest in me too, that's when all the trouble went down. I'll try to sum it up as much as I can. After a month of perusing her, I wouldn't actually call it perusing, I just stared. After a month of whatever that was, we had our very first conversation. We hit it off right away, it was something cliche like magic. I never believed in fairy tales, mind you. That's why the fear that took over me when I was around her was overwhelming. Sometimes too overwhelming that it no longer became that freeing feeling. I was more imprisoned than I ever was. She had a girlfriend at the time but we were very much in love. It was a messy situation. I died in the process. This whole drama only lasted for a year. But I stayed dead ever since. I failed all my classes, switched universities, became different persons. Even though I was the one that ended it, I only did what I was supposed to do a long time ago. I ran away from her physically, but the feelings never escaped with me. I wasn't always nice, but I was never this angry. Even though almost four years have passed now, and I don't love her like that anymore, this stayed as a huge problem. My anger has no cure and it's destructive to a level that lets everyone I care about turn their back on me. I tried so many techniques to stop it. Counting to ten, 100 sometimes. Calming myself with cigarettes, taking boxing classes. I've become so angry that I can't even draw like I used to. I get too pissed off too quickly that I give up on everything. Self-termination is all that I'm good at now. This doesn't stop at drawing, it also includes my education, relationships, friends, family.. Etc
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 2 years ago.
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