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Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
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Hi I am Aishas friend. My name is XXXXX XXXXX can call me Naj.

Customer Question

Hi I am Aisha's friend. My name is XXXXX XXXXX can call me Naj. Where to begin.. I am a 22 year old girl living in Saudi. In 2008, I graduated from high school. All my life I knew what I wanted for my career. I had everything planned out. My dream was to become a famous Artist. There wasn't any majors here for that so I moved to Bahrain which is almost an hour and a half away from Saudi by car. I lived in the girl's dormitory next to the university. It was the longest I've lived without any of my parents, not that it made any difference, they were divorced when I was younger, I basically raised myself and my brother during that period. So being away from them wasn't the problem here. First semester that year went smooth, I can't deny I was shocked at first. The other girls were much more experienced which made me doubt my own skills.. If it wasn't for this girl I met in my class, I wouldn't have passed. She helped me focus on myself because she was focused. She never really said anything to help, just watching her was an inspiration that made me excell in what I was doing. We became best friends right away. Next semester, she changed her major into business. I was sad but I wasn't scared I would fail Graphic Design at all. Next semester, I was dropping my friend who switched her major to her first class, right when I was about to leave I saw a girl. This girl changed my life from the very first time our eyes locked. I was always into girls, but she was different. I couldn't get my eyes off her even if I tried.. And hell, I've tried. Ever since that day, I couldn't get her off my mind. She possessed me. I skipped all my classes just to attend hers and watch her. I never really did that for the purpose of having her, it was just that looking at her free'd me from everything else on my mind. She began to show interest in me too, that's when all the trouble went down. I'll try to sum it up as much as I can. After a month of perusing her, I wouldn't actually call it perusing, I just stared. After a month of whatever that was, we had our very first conversation. We hit it off right away, it was something cliche like magic. I never believed in fairy tales, mind you. That's why the fear that took over me when I was around her was overwhelming. Sometimes too overwhelming that it no longer became that freeing feeling. I was more imprisoned than I ever was. She had a girlfriend at the time but we were very much in love. It was a messy situation. I died in the process. This whole drama only lasted for a year. But I stayed dead ever since. I failed all my classes, switched universities, became different persons. Even though I was the one that ended it, I only did what I was supposed to do a long time ago. I ran away from her physically, but the feelings never escaped with me. I wasn't always nice, but I was never this angry. Even though almost four years have passed now, and I don't love her like that anymore, this stayed as a huge problem. My anger has no cure and it's destructive to a level that lets everyone I care about turn their back on me. I tried so many techniques to stop it. Counting to ten, 100 sometimes. Calming myself with cigarettes, taking boxing classes. I've become so angry that I can't even draw like I used to. I get too pissed off too quickly that I give up on everything. Self-termination is all that I'm good at now. This doesn't stop at drawing, it also includes my education, relationships, friends, family.. Etc
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 3 years ago.
Thanks for your question Naj. My name is Ryan and I'd like to help you out.

It sounds like there are a lot of reasons to be angry, and when the chances of this relationship ended with this girl, there were also a lot of other things that ended in your life such as your career plan for yourself, failing your classes, and changing universities. In a sense I can understand why you would say you died in this process, because there were many aspects of your life that had to completely change. This was obviously a very important relationship to you, to the point where you were willing to sacrifice everything for it. To have it not work out, but to still have sacrificed all of these things anyway, would likely be enough to make many people angry.

At this point it seems like you have been doing your best to cope with it all. Boxing classes seems to be one of the more healthy outlets for your anger. However, it is easy to get caught up in this downward spiral of self destruction, and once some life plans have not worked out, there can be a certain level of frustration that causes you to sabotage other plans and positive aspects of your life.

The key for now would be to work on this tendency you have to give up on everything, even if you just start with accomplishing something simple. It is important for you to get back on track with your life, and sometimes it only takes a few small victories to get things moving in a more positive direction. At this point you can expect to get frustrated and angry, however if you can start to push through that in order to maintain a few close relationships, improve your drawing, or make some positive career moves, those rewards will start to be motivation in themselves.

Often times once a person has a plan for their life and then it doesn't work out, it can be very difficult to get back on their feet, and a lot of anger can accompany it. The anger does sound like a difficult obstacle, and if it is possible to seek counseling you may find that to be extremely beneficial. However I would also think that if you can start to anticipate and push through the anger and frustration when it starts to show up, that the small accomplishments you are able to achieve will start to eventually become bigger accomplishments. Even if these accomplishments take twice as long due to the frustration, it is still important to see them through to completion. Once you feel like you have some momentum and direction in your life, it is possible that the anger will start to subside as well.

I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through but i hope that I've been able to answer your question. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.


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