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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3318
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My daughter is getting married. her mother and I divorced when

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My daughter is getting married. her mother and I divorced when she was a baby. we both have been in her life all along. her mother remarried. i have been asked to pay for the wedding (everything but the rehearsal dinner -- groom's family and the gown -- her mother). I consented as its not worth fighting about (about $20K). But I have not been asked at all if there is anyone I think should be invited to the wedding (150 guests) and instead have been told, its a small wedding with the couple's close friends and the immediate families. Am i wrong to be upset at being nothing but a wallet. they invited none of my long time friends (who are close and had roles in the bride's life too).
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I think it can feel slighting for sure and you are entitled to have a table for your close people in your life to celebrate your daughters wedding.

CoachJenK :

It may be a good idea when things feel a bit calmer that you sit down with them and let them know that if feels hurtful for you not to have anyone special in your life there to celebrate the joyous occasion. Try and stay away from the labels such as inconsiderate and if they define you as controlling you can also let them know that it is not just because you are paying for the wedding...that even if you weren't you would want to share this joy with people in your life too.

CoachJenK :

I can see you are offline. We can chat further when you come back and if you are satisfied with my responses please click accept.

Customer:

telling them they are hurtful isn't using labels ?

Customer:

but i get your point, dont use labels, tell people how I feel, not what they are doing; got it

Customer:

but they never have ever cared before; it's not going to start now

CoachJenK :

yes exactly...you can say you are feeling hurt which you are...rather than defining their behavior as hurtful

CoachJenK :

the point is you should be entitled to have your core there as well as this is a big day for you too

Customer:

this is the same daughter that on her facebook page listed her step father as "father" under her "family"

Customer:

didnt have me as anything, but just before asking em to pay for the wedding, asked me to "friend" her

CoachJenK :

that is very painful for you

Customer:

told her maybe she should ask her "father" rather than a "friend"

CoachJenK :

so there seems to be quite a bit of history here...and you not feeling recognized and now that is showing up here in the wedding.

Customer:

i made her what she is; spoiled her; granted her everything at every point in her life; to make up for being a child of a divorced family; so i reap what i sowed

Customer:

thank you very much for your ear and insight

CoachJenK :

well there is still time to put out your needs and have them recognized

CoachJenK :

it is my pleasure. I am here whenever you need.

CoachJenK :

please click accept and come back and request me anytime.

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