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AskJason
AskJason, Relationship Answers
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 39
Experience:  B.A. Psychology
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I was contacted yesterday by a school ex girlfriend from 24

Customer Question

I was contacted yesterday by a school ex girlfriend from 24 years ago on facebook. I accepted her request for friend. Later that day I contacted her but she started spilling her heart out about an abusive relationship and clearly has problems. Then she stated with that we have to get together and how she loves me and so one. This is really scary and want to unfriend her on FB but she knows my wife's name mothers name and brothers name who are on FB. I'm scared that she invites them as friends and then starts problems like stalking etc. I want to know if there's a way of unfriending her on FB so that she also can't look up my family and causing problems for us. I want no contact with this woman and also her not having contact with people close to me.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am sorry to know about your situation. This is the way to unfriend someone in facebook. First you sign in your account, then you go to the person's profile and choose the option "unfriend".

Customer:

Ok, that I've got figured out. The problem is that I don't want her looking up my family and asking for friend requests from them.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unhappily she would still be able to see your friends-contacts.

Customer:

So there's no way I can have her looking them up on FB and sending them a friend request?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unhappily there is no way for a person already added as your friend-contact o not, not to see your friends and contacts and to stop their ability to contact them , sending requests for being included as friends.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

My recommendation is for you to tell your wife and family about this person right away, so they could be alerted and not to engage in any communication, just denying her requests for friendship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have not done anything wrong, and need to protect yourself and prevent any uncomfortable issue around this person. In case you delay or avoid talking to your family and alerting them about it, then you would have to afford further potential issues, and then suspicion could arise if they speculate why you decided to hide this from them. Does it make sense?

Customer:

I suppose that this the only way to do it. I'm going to unfriend her and then just tell my family to expect trouble if they are contacted. I'm just concerned that one of them accept out of curiosity, especially my wife and then gets fed a whole lot of nonsense. Fortunately I can always show them that I received the friendship request yesterday and I immediately realized it was a mistake. I just feel sorry for this woman, she's in therapy as it is, she's been abused and now thinks she loves me after a telephone call. The affect on her is going to be really bad when I unfriend her on FB.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then please it could be a wise idea to send her a caring, empathic but clear message g letting her know how much you hope she gets better but being clear you are married and do not want any form of romantic involvement with her. In this way she would know why you chose to unfriend her. That's the best you can do.

Customer:

I know her situation is not my problem and no fault of mine but I'm worried that this will really be the last straw for her when what she saw as a possible way (me) and did try to comfort her yesterday now turns and runs.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This has been an isolated episode and you are confronting it in an assertive way, then you do not need to worry about it. She needs support, your family will be alerted about it, and then no confusion nor other issues could arise from it based on such assertive approach.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

FB and other social networking, as well as other sites allowing people to find and contact people, create potential issues, and we all need to learn to cope with it. The sooner and more assertively we handle things, the better we would be avoiding situations we do not need nor deserve. She is obviously overwhelmed by her personal life, and you can show empathy but not to become a victim undermining your personal and family well-being.

Customer:

Ok, so I suppose that is going to be the to deal with this. I was hoping for a way of her not been allowed to contact my family period....If this does not go well then I'll just have to report it to the police.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

In case such a scenario appears, then you should need to seriously consider such option, no doubt. By now, focus on what you could, can and need to dot o take good care of things and prevent further problems from arising.

Customer:

Ok thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  AskJason replied 2 years ago.
Hello, my name is XXXXX XXXXX I would like to add to the answer you received from Rafael. If I understand correctly, your main objective was to prevent this woman from viewing your other friends on Facebook and therefore prevent her from seeking to initiate contact with them via friend requests. This is definitely possible. The first step, like Rafael said, is to "unfriend" this woman. However, there is much more you can do and with all due respect to Rafael the answer he provided was incorrect. To alter how your Facebook info is viewed by others, go into your account options and security settings and you will find a whole slew of drop down menus that control how your Facebook info is viewed. You can set it that only "friends of your friends" can view your info. Or you can set it so that ONLY your friends can view your other friends. Or you can also set it that nonone at all can see your other friends. You can also make similar adjustments to how others see your photos, status updates, wall posts, etc. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that you can definitely prevent this woman from seeing anything about you or your friends.Wih that said, keep in mind that any changes you make as described above will apply to the way EVERYONE views your FB site. An alternative would be to choose to "block" this woman so that she can't message you or friend request you even if she tried to. Of course this would mean she can't see any of your friends as well, since she wouldn't even be able to load your page. The problem with doing only this is that it will NOT prevent her from accessing your info, and therefore your friends' info, via someone else's login. Therefore, the best bet is to only allow friends to view your info, and you achieve that in the security settings I described above.I hope this is helpful to you and let me know if you require any assistance in navigating to these security options I've listed above.
AskJason, Relationship Answers
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 39
Experience: B.A. Psychology
AskJason and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  AskJason replied 2 years ago.
I just wanted to add a bit more info for you, since it seems that Facebook has changed the way to access the settings I had described for you above. Here are the exact instructions copied and pasted right off the Facebook website in the Help section:

How do I change who can see the people I'm friends with?
Go to your profile and click Edit in the top right corner
From the menu in the left column, click Friends and Relationships
Go to the Friends section and use the audience selector on the right side to control who can see your friends.

If you have activated the new "Timeline" format, which by now i think FB has mandated and everyone has it, the instructions are a bit different but just as easy:

Who can see the Friends section of my timeline?
By default, everyone can see who your friends are in the Friends section of your timeline. To change this setting:
Go to your timeline
Click on the Friends unit, beneath your cover
Click on the Edit button at the top of the page and use the audience selector to choose who can see your friends.

Thanks again for your Accept and I hope this additional information makes it easy for you to change your settings so that only your active Facebook Friends can view your Friends List.

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