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Santo B
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 83
Experience:  Clinical Social Work
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I just found out my husband is secretly taking viagra, we have

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I just found out my husband is secretly taking viagra, we have a brilliant sex life but naturally my first thoughts were to be worried, concerned mostly the deception side of it, what else does he not tell me? we have a 9 year age gap so I am now thinking as a man perhaps that bothers him. However my other concern is he keeps his phone locked, he is currently away overseas where he can't use his phone so it's at home I have suggested seen we are on a plan that i use the phone, make the most of what we are paying for but he wont give me the code to un-lock the phone he keeps making excuses. Do you think he is hiding something? or should I respect he is his own person and deserves to keep some things private? am i being paranoid? we have a great relationship or so i think we do. thanks
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.

Santo B :

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.

Santo B :

Please allow me a moment to read your question in its entirety.

Santo B :

I have read your question and was wondering how long you have known he is using viagra? Why haven't you asked him about it, and has he ever broken your trust in the past?

Santo B :

It appears that you have gone offline. I will switch to the Q & A format. I will be able to help you further that way. I look forward to working with you.

Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Santo,

 

Sorry Im new to this so was unsure as to how it works where to be looking for your answer etc

 

The company that called this morning said it was his 4th prescription they were going to full. No he hasn't broken my trust before...not that i know off

Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
You mentioned that your sex life is good, and that thus far you have been happily married to him. I think that aside from the phone, I don't imagine why he would hide something. Have you thought of talking to him about the Viagra? It think it may bring you some reassurance regarding your feelings of paranoia if you talk to him about the Viagra.

I don't believe that the phone is any indication of possible infidelity or break in your trust, but the only way to be sure about it is to be honest and let him know that the pharmacy called about his refill, and you were concerned as to why he started taking the prescription. You may want to ask if everything is ok with him physically, and has there been anything that has happened to cause him to need medication for erectile dysfunction.

You mentioned that you had a bad past experience in a former marriage. Although you shouldn't overlook the obvious, I don't believe that there is great cause for concern with regard to the cell phone. If anything, I would just check to make sure that he is ok physically, and the only reason he uses the medication is to ensure an active and healthy sexual relationship with you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

We do have an amazing relationship we have such fun together were best friends but also great lovers. I feel so fortunate to have him and the relationship we have that sometimes I think it's to good to be true and look for things that could be wrong that i may be missing

 

I have just had my daily call from him, he is out bush in Australia, and he said he has never filled a prescription he had just called to find out about it, how much etc as he had thought about taking it as we have been going through so much stress and I can confirm we have gone through alot of stress with a legal issue for the last year

So I guess I trus my husband first as opposed to some sales person?

 

With the phone thing, i used to keep my phone unlocked so he could go in to it at anytime in the beginning of our relationship i thought with time he would relax with me and realise he can trust me (he has banking passwords etc on his phone) but after a couple of years i realised he wasn't going to change so i now lock my phone too, which is probably childish on my part when i come to think of it. But my attitude as if you lock yours then im locking mine too

 

So would you suggest just accepting his phone is his, his privacy which he has a right to and let it go....he never dissappears, has to work late, never gets strange phone calls etc, he desperatly wants to have a child together, were very in love....it's probably just me being silly

 

 

Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
I believe that you have already answered your question. I think you both love one another very much. I wouldn't say it's childish, but now that you have talked about the private and secure information he has stored on his phone, I do understand why he would keep it locked and private.

I believe from time to time we all tend to question our relationship, but it seems as though you and him have a very good foundation of trust and you both have set goals and aspirations for your marriage, i.e. children.

Lastly, I think from this point forward you should always go yo him directly if you ever have any questions or doubts. He seems forthcoming, and why place strain on your relationship when you can simply go to him and ask him anything.

I hope I have helped. Please feel free to ask any additional questions you may have, or please mention any other concerns that may arise.
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 83
Experience: Clinical Social Work
Santo B and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

You have helped enourmously thank you this morning i was so anxious now i feel calm and content again. Im so glad i had a male answer my questions you understand how a man thinks and we have to admit men and women think rather differently.

 

Have a great day

Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
I am glad I was able to help. I will check in with you in a few days to see how you are doing.
Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
I am just writing to check in and see how things are going with you. Hope all is well.

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