I am engaged to a guy that I have been dating for 5 years, I finally thought it was going to be time for him and I to spend time together since our daughters are off to college, well one of his daughters had a baby, he will be 2 in October. My finance is getting custody of his grandson, I am not sure how to deal with this as a fiance and a new bride. Can you help me?
Just praying about it
I am not sure how I feel about this, I know I will love him and treat him as my own, but I thought it was our turn, am I being selfish?
Yes, to both, I have thought that this would be a great experience for us, but there is so much drama with all of this. This is the reason for my fiance getting the grandson. I am 50, he is 51. But I also know my fiance, he is 20 years retired military, and he does not know how to share his love, so I will be the one left out.
yes, he does it now whenever he gets his grandson. Now, he is rushing to get married, but I think it is because he will need my help to get him from daycare, take care of him, etc. It reminds me of my first marriage where I was pregnant when we got married, then came baby, never time for us.
I really am trying to be positive, but so far this has been tough. He asks me how I feel, I tell him that if it was me, I would hope he would do the same, but to be honest, he is not wired the way I am. I don't think he would have supported me in this kind of decision.
No, that's why I thought it would be my time since they are gone.
I was patient and waited because he told me my time would come.
Yes and he tells me I am jealous and insecure.
I will support him as much as I can, because I do love him. I just hope that he will love me back and see the sacrifice I am making as well. Blood is thicker than water, I do have a choice, that I know, but I feel like I am being tested, maybe this is my purpose in life, to give this child my love, maybe I will be the balance he needs. I just hope that I will not be the one giving up everything..
Yes, we have talked about counseling, that was a must for me so we could determine if marriage was good for us or not. So we are on the same page with that. I think, not sure, but I think he hears my concerns in my voice, he may even break up with me so that I will not have to endure this. He asked me why I am with him, with all his drama. I simply say "because I love you". But I don't think that is enough. I would not be surprised if he tells me that he does not want to put this burden on me.
Jason you are right and I really appreciate your advice. All these are things I should really take to heart, he just said some things earlier tonite that made me feel this way. I just have to be strong and do what will make me happy and not be concerned about how he feels, but how I feel.
Yes, that is true. I have considered keeping things as they are, I have my house on the market, and I may still sell it and get a townhouse or condo. I have not been happy since he told me about it, I pretend like I am, but this hurts me because this is not who I am as a person. I just see how happy he is with his grandson, how they play, laugh. But when I want attention, he is too tired.
I like the idea of waiting, I have been thinking about that alot. That will allow him time to be with his grandson, get situated, and I can see where I fit in. Because it will be about me getting in where I fit in. So, maybe this weekend we can talk about it, he is getting him on Sunday, so this will be our last weekend together alone.
You are absolutely right. I thought he would love me more also. I guess we will see. I will definitely keep your info and keep you posted. THANK YOU SO MUCH!