my ex is in business with me, we have been separated one year ago, he was a bully and I turned into one also. I run the business and do everything , no good going to a lawyer it would take years, his first degree is law. I am allowed only emails he plays vicitm and went to put a harrasement on me when I went to sort it out by phone with him. I havent contacted for a month when I said I would do it in a week and dont want to. What can I expect from him in the future
emailing, texting, calling. All I get back is its all up to you u can have anything you want from the house etc but I dont want any of it belongings as they remind me of him.
My name is XXXXX XXX I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.
Hello. Please allow me a moment to read your question.
I will need you to explain to me what had happened, and what exactly you are asking. The question seems to be a bit confusing. Are you in business with him or not? Please explain further
yes, been in business for six years together,
Ok. Are you speaking to one another. It sounds as though you are not talking to each other. If that is the case, how do you communicate with one another at work?
no not speaking, he hasn't come near the business in a year at my request, offered but I dont want the bullying. I offered that we sell the place no response, dont want to really as it is successful psychological practise. I an not concerned about money just what to expect from him. He has okayed emails with rules but I dont want to at this point till it gets clearer for me what to expect from him
Ok. So you are in the process of getting a divorce I assume, is that correct?
no we r not married lived together in his place for six years out for one nothing is sorted we r estranged and thats about it
Ok. I am sorry to ask so many questions but I want to be clear I understand the situation before making an attempt to answer your question. So, although it has been one year that you have not been together, you are still trying to tie up some loose ends. Is there a reason why it is taking so long
Loose ends dnt seem to be able to be tied up, any contact with him up until jan was mean and he called me evil, idiot etc etc. Then we would engage to sort business issues out he would be supportive then turn again. Then when I text him saying we needed to sort all things out got the harrasement call from the police. Then an email in janurary saying hope life is good to your good side you can have anything you want from the property etc, my life is bad etc etc. I have only emailed once since then very short requesting emails he said fine but long time inbetween. It is taking so long because really there is no point in court he has won everything he has ever taken there he is not a lawyer he is a biologist, but he knows his stuff and sues many people.
Ok. Is there anything in the house that you can't live without? Is there a way to end the business relationship without selling or getting rid of the business?
He seems pretty toxic and narcissistic.
I am not asking about legal or money matters, more about what to expect from this type of person. I am fine, i believe he is toxic and cruel.
I am really not sure what to expect from him. I don't know him. Based on what you've told me so far, its seems he would go to great lengths to be hurtful, cruel, and vengeful. He sounds like he has a major personality disorder and seems to be unite unstable. I would steer clear of him. I think that he would continue this back and forth with you for as long as you are willing to participate in it. To him its like a game.
You mentioned he sues people all the time and wins. It is my opinion that he is treating this as a game and is looking to win, meaning to make you miserable
I know that you dont know him and get that this is speculation. Yes its a game to him, i have stopped playing so i wondering what is his likely next move.
My best guess would be to try and reel you into playing the game with him again. He may send a nice email, or try to call you to set up a time to meet. I would keep my distance from him. He sounds manipulative, i.e. the email he sent that he mentioned that he was doing bad and was miserable. He is looking for your sympathy and trying to catch you off guard.
yes i believe that is what he is looking for, and this is why i have kept distance and still will. Is it likely he will get bored with it and move on. I think one important point is that I have been the only person in his life that he hasnt been totally able to manipulate
It depends. You are a challenge to him because he hasn't been able to totally manipulate and victimize you. If something more interesting comes along then maybe he will stop bothering you
But, at this point I think even the waiting game he is playing is a manipulation tactic
how so please
How so? I am sorry, but what it the question you are asking? Are you asking about the waiting to communicate with you
yes the waiting game as a manipulative tatic
Who was the last person that sent an email or reach out to the other person? Was it you to him, or him to you?
he did it in janu then i didnt respond and sent him one in feb
Okay. The email you sent in Feb, did you ask him to answer any questions? Did you ask him to respond to you in anyway
I just asked if email was ok because of the harrasement thing, he said fine good to hear from your good side. make emails short, distance inbetween etc etc. I said i would email in a week but it makes me feel sick so havent and am staying clear. Then there was a piece of wood for building that showed up at the clinic, gone now, then a call to the office could hear him in the background, could of been phe error. Nothing else.
Ok. I would suggest that you keep your distance from him. I don't suggest you email or communicate with him in anyway unless completely necessary for the business. Let him email you or reach out to you first. It has been a while now, and since you haven't responded to his email, this has possibly given you the upper hand for the time being.
I don't expect he will try and communicate with you anytime soon. I think he is waiting on you to send correspondence, in which case I wouldn't.
would he be waiting for correspondence to hook me back into the game
Possibly. And if he emails you and ask why you haven't emailed him, you can simply say that you are uncomfortable with all the threats and accusations he has made towards you in the past regarding harassment.
I may allow him some insight as to how his behavior effects others, and how he pushes people away.
great thanks easy to loose sight, he may email when he finds something better, unlikely though sadly as it is a very successful business. This may go for a very long time, do you think.
He is a bully. It is extremely clear when you mentioned that he sues people a lot. He wants to assert power over others. Extremely distasteful behavior
I would do the best i could to move on if i were you. Forget about him. Try to resume your life. and figure out what you want from this point forward.
i am doing that. thanks
If in fact he emails you, be direct and answer whatever questions he may have, providing him with little to no information about your personal affairs.
I hope i have helped. Are there any other questions you may have before we end the session?
no expect if i need to run something past you again can i
You are always welcome to contact me with any questions or concerns. I will follow up with you in about three days to check and see how you are doing.
I am a big believer on following up with people that i work with. so whether i hear from you, you will definitely hear from me
thanks and yes you helped me particularly that it is still a game
I am glad I could be of service. I will be switching to the Q & A format. You can always return to that pad with any questions you may have, and i will answer them accordingly. You will hear from me in three days to check in to see how things are going. Thank you
Clinical Social Work
I am writing to follow up with you and see how things are going. I hope well. Please let me know if there has been any changes or updates.
HiThings have moved since then, doing ok with it. He has recontacted regarding the clinic and has a desire to be reinovlved. Legally I cannot stop this so I have set out ground rules for involvement. I have kept it from a distance only emails and follow through from a distance on activities ie not in the clinic. I want to be fair which of course is difficult but I also do not want to be done in by him finding it difficult to cope with the fear it brings up considering the past but trying to remain healthy.Any suggestions on how to deal with the past issues that arise in my head when there is contact?
Hello. I am glad things are going Ok. I recommend that you just remain as professional and cordial as possible. Don't provide any personal information, and don't provide an opening for him to get personal and ask about your well-being, i.e. how are things with you. Hopefully that would be enough to keep him at a distance and allow him to know that he is not welcome to any information other than business matters.
HiI am already giving him only business info, now he is emailing more requalrly and in his messages jumps from we can do to i , where the I means I can do. This is confuing for me and I am trying not to slip back into old patterns, so I have kept it professonal and just answered what has been required. I am concerned about what his intent is, any ideas that can help me remain protected, what I mean is can you understand his pattern more then I can at this moment?
Unfortunately, without knowing more about his history, I cannot be sure if he is being sincere and honest, or manipulative. I would suggest you remain vigilant and not do or say anything more than what is required of you for business.
I agree and the issue continues
I am not sure how else I can help you. I realize that you are frustrated, but I know very little about him other than what we spoke about. The best way you can protect yourself is to simply ask what his intentions are, and ask him to be sincere with regard to your business and professional relationship.
absolutely not, if I do that it opens the door for him to play with me. You cannot help me any further I understand this
I am sorry I couldn't help you any further.