Background: My boyfriend (John) has lived with me in my townhouse for four years. He has his own single home 2 miles away and has 2 people renting rooms (which pays his mortgage). Just recently I asked if he could contribute $50/month towards the electric bill to which he totally flipped out about. He says that he buys some food/household items over a months time and also pays for dinners when we go out 3-4 times a month (usually no more then a total of $30 dinners). He feels that should be enough to cover the electric bill also. I've tried to explain that I also buy food throughout the month and have been paying $10 month for his HDTV for 2 years now. About 6 months ago I also asked him to contribute to the water bill, which he does now, $35 every 3 months. I have my grown son and niece staying with me also, both pay rent. I recently re-calculated the utilities and figured out that for 4 people they amount to about $100 month for each. My niece pays $150 and son $160 ($60 towards his cellphone) (with the new budget I raised my son's rent from $150). The past 2 months I started to keep track of my boyfriend's contributions (really didn't want to but figured that would help my case). For March, $69, and April $79. I'm on disability and can only work part-time. (I have a brain injury and figuring out math and finances aren't a strong area for me). I've managed to cut my grocery bill to about $50 / week and try to use coupons whenever possible. My son and niece buy their own food for the most part but I buy household staples (laundry soap, toilet paper etc). Over the years, my savings account has gone down considerably. Meanwhile John has bought 2 snowmobiles and a snowmobile trailer (close to $2500 total). My son buys video games regularly and my niece comes in with new clothes weekly. This is what led me to look at the utilities again.John has mentioned several times that I should move out to his house and rent my place. After being on my own for 12 years I'm slowly considering the idea. We've talked about my financial contribution living there which would be covering the electric and cable bills ($400-$500 month). He would collect the rent from my son and niece if they moved over with me. I'm ok with that because that's how I think things should be when people live together. This leads to my confusion as to why he has such a problem paying $50 / month while at my house.I just would like someone's opinion, to tell me if I'm wrong or not. It's not good if John and I resort to keeping track of everything we spend (groceries, household) each month. I grew up with a mother who wrote her name on every food item she bought for herself and would mark drink levels. I don't want to have to live like that again and don't feel I should have to.
I typed up the new budget showing all of the calculations but haven't given it to him. I've been putting off this discussion for a couple of months because I knew the response I would get.
So basically, he does not want to pay anything at your house but wants you to rent his house out? Am I hearing this correctly?
Pretty much.He has always said that if I need money I could ask him but that's just not my way. I've tried to explain to him that like everyone else, I need to be able to count on a certain amount of income each month and don't really feel that $50 a month is asking too much. I can't rely on whatever amount he decides to pay (towards food, dinners etc) each month and that if I moved to his house I would cover my part and still continue to buy groceries. I knew this converstaion wouldn't go well. I think he really believe that his contribution is sufficient. If I push the issue, I know he'll pay the $50 but then cut back in other areas.
So what do you want me to help you with? You asked the question if you are wrong or not and I say you are not wrong. Anything else I can help you with.
No, I think that's it. I guess there's not a better way to get my point across to him and I know what you say is absolutely true.
Well I would definitely stop letting him take advantage of you.
Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota