I am gay and I am with this man right now. He's a nice guy. But there has always been some problems.1. He lives with his ex. They were together for about 7 or 8 years. Broke up, but they are still room mates. His ex is also dating other guys now but it makes me feel.....grossed out sometimes when I am reminded of that fact. They are still best friends, and they hangout alone quite a bit, like, just the two of them. Maybe twice a week? Perhaps I am just not mature enough to handle this kind of thing, but I wanna know if that's normal. I mean with all my past relations, I have no problem that my bf is friends with his ex, but i think being room mates and hangout that much is a bit extreme. 2. This leads to another problem, he likes to hangout with both me and his ex, like the three of us together. Both of them don't have a car, so sometimes I have to drive both of them for a dinner date, and it makes me so....icky inside. I cannot tell him how I feel because he told me that he used to date this other guy and he had problem with his ex so that's why he dumped him. So I am reluctant to even talk about this issue at all. He doesn't really have a whole lot of friends, and he talks about his ex quite a lot. Like how they had shower sex and stuff before, which just makes me feel really uncomfortable inside. It bugs me even more that he expect me to be good friends with his ex.
Hello. Your feelings are completely valid in every way. You have every right to feel upset about him spending so much time with his ex and living with him at that ! It also depends at what point you are in your relationship with this guy. Are you completely exclusive and officially boyfriends?? Are you both on the same page about your status? If he is more casual about your relationship, maybe he isn't seeing there is any problem here?? But given what you are saying, and assuming you are both exclusive, then the short answer to your first question is no it is not normal and yes you should have issue with it. Your second question.. he should not be talking about the sex he had with his ex with you. It is disrespectful. Even if he is making a subtle point to you, such as he would like to do these things with you, he is going about it the wrong way. You shouldn't be afraid to talk to him about this. If he dumped another ex because he was bringing up his feelings, then he obviously has a problem with people discussing their feelings and that is not a very good trait to have. If you see a future with this guy, then this is a big red flag !! You MUST be able to discuss things that bother you with your partner! This is the most basic thing to any successful relationship. Do you really want to be with someone who you can't talk to? Don't let him walk on you. Stand up for how you feel. If he can't deal with it and he wants to dump you for it, then you have to think about if he was really worth it. You need to be with someone who respects you and who you can openly communicate with.
Yes we are exclusive. He doesn't want me to see other people.
I think the same should be said for him. It sounds like he is controlling the situation and he can do whatever he wants but he sets rules for you. Is this the kind of relationship you want to be in? Especially if you feel like you can't talk to him about things which bother you. it is going to build and build up in you if you can't express negative feelings. The result may be uglier than if you talk to him now. It doesn't have to be an argument, you can say things like.. You make me feel____when you do______. Using non accusatory sentences can help communication.