I haven't moved yet, but will be gone from July. I will be in Germany and he will be in the UK. I should also mention that we are both in our 40s and have families (he has a disabled son), so there are demands on us already together with work commitments. I don't want to add to the drama but may need to make it clear that I have some requirements for a healthy relationship.
It is a permanent arrangement but I have made it clear that I am willing to review and make adjustments or even bigger changes if needed. Neither of us is from the UK and both families are in Europe, he is just based in the UK as he feels it's the best society for him to live in (he is Black, I am White)
Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX glad to say that we have good communication. We do connect several times a day via various means and he is emotionally expressive. I think he is a little afraid of whether things will work out or if it is too much as the relationship is quite young. My problem is more what approach/language to employ with him when trying to discuss this. I am happy to talk about my feelings (I have done that already) but that hasn't yielded any actions from him yet.
That would be great, thank you.
that's very kind of you. We have made some progress although I guess in a different mannes. My boyfriend has a son from his first marriage aged 5 who has been left severely disabled after an accident as a baby. About 5 weeks ago my boyfriend has been called over to Holland as the child went into hospital where he still remains. Obviously, it's an excruciating experience for any parent to endure and I think that the fact that he had turned a page by starting out in a new relationship with me is also adding pressure.
Initially we had quite a lot of contact during the day but as time progressed this got a little tenous, however, I did manage to tell him that as I cannot be with him I need some sort of communication. He is trying but the focus is obviously on the child.
I'll relocate in 3 weeks time and he seems still willing to come out and see me. However, I am wondering how his employer sees all this as it cannot be easy to accept an employees continual absence at full pay. I guess he worries as well. So the next step would be to see how we could possibly simplify the set up. 3 locations is definetely challenging.
So I guess for me the question now is how to manage my own anxiety, needs and expectations. I set out looking for a new, committed relationship, and I guess that in theory I have this but in practise I am still on my own and not able to share anything. I still rely on friends and family to help out and I'm not a person that would force the issue of 'where is this all going'. I need to find a good way of making sure he understand my needs without ultimatum. Any suggestions?