im trying this coz the girl i split with 7 months ago i still love. she said i let her down when she needed me there but wouldnt give me the chance to explain why i was giving her time to have sometime to sort a problem out that i had no control over, im only talking two days here. we spoke of marriage and living together and the week before we split i got a 4am txt saying it was our time to be happy, a week later i was never to see her again and a month later she is with another guy and happy so she says. what i wanna know is how if its possible do i get her back without playing dirty or trying to split them up, im an honest guy and wouldnt dare try to be so bad minded but i love her so much and would pull the stars out the sky to win her back.
well after 2 months of trying to win her, i decided to let her be with this other guy and have not contacted her since january 2012. her friend who is of a spiritual nature and introduced us both told me this would not last and id get my 2nd chance, but its seems highly unlikely now.
Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your girlfriend might have felt hurt by whatever happened in your relationship and decided to move on. That does not mean it is your fault. She could have reacted that way because she has her own issues. Many people are deeply hurt from past abuse or other traumas in their lives and have never dealt with them. So when something happens to them in a relationship, for example, they take it in and get hurt deeper than is really normal for the situation.
All this means that you still have a chance at being with her again. If what happened between you was not serious, then her own pain can get worked through and she can see what happened between you for what it was, a difficult time that can be worked out.
Is there any way to talk with her? Since she is in a relationship, you can't really go in intending to steal her back. But you can maintain a friendship, even if it just starts off as occasional contact with each other. You may want to start off with something very non confrontational like Facebook or something similar. Tell her that you know she was hurt by what happened between you and that you are sorry. Then acknowledge her relationship and respect it by letting her know that you feel bad about how you both ended and you just want to be friends. No pressure. Then let it be in her court. If you give her choices and keep it simple, she should respond.
This is going to take some time. But as long as you are in her life somehow, that opens up the chance to something working out between you.
I hope this has helped you,Kate
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
she had a tough childhood and a husband who was awful to her, i swore id never treat her that way and didnt, ive never gone this far for any woman but i knew the second i met her id met the woman i wanted. 15mths without any arguments, maybe the odd quiet moment but i was very attentive to her and supported her, most of all i genuinely loved her and still do. people say i should forget her, but how do ya when your talkin about that one person who stole your heart. id give the world to have her back but probably hoping in vain. she knew i felt this way about her but seems to mean little. thankyou for your reply.
Her difficult childhood probably explains why she reacted to the small problem with such a big reaction. When people are that hurt and have never worked it out, any small thing, even if it wasn't meant to hurt, will cause them to overreact.
It may also be that she was not used to being treated with kindness and attention, like you did for her. Sometimes when people are used to being treated badly, it becomes the only thing they are comfortable with. I'm not saying to treat her badly to get her back, but it does explain why she reacted the way she did to you. And it may help you to know that when you try to become friends with her.
You obviously love her very much. Keep trying to at least stay in contact with her. It may be that the love you show her eventually helps her see that she deserves to be treated so well.
thank you kate. i feel i cant contact her as it may only drive her more into the arms of this other man. i have no bad feeling to him as its not his fault,
this has broken my heart more than the break up of my 16 year marriage and that was painful. this was kinda my last chance saloon as ive tried everything you can think of at cost too... something ive never done but this woman was so dear to me ive done the lot. ive been on my knees more than a carpet fitter praying for her return coz i truly believed we would work, guess she has moved on and i maybe should stop trying now. im not a needy guy and stand on my feet quite well with confidence, just never loved any girl with the ferrocity i have with this one and just didnt know where to turn. thank you so much for you advice kate, guess time and fate will decide the outcome.
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thank you, XXXXX XXXXX given me some insight as what i could do and thats up to me now. i,ll give you an excellent kate as some hope is better than none at all. take care and best wishes. gary.
Thank you, Gary! It's been great talking with you. Try to maintain some hope. And if you feel it's ever ok to do, try reconnecting with her. I think that you can offer her so much.
cheers XXXX. XX know id love to contact her and i can give her love, if i get an opening to do so i will coz this girl is worth the effort, she just dont know wot ive put in at the risk of contact and upsetting her. give ya an £8.00 tip lovely so make sure ya get it for ya help. thank you so much.
You are very welcome! And thank you so much for the bonus. Take care.
hi kate. got an email from you, firstly i would like to thank you again and i did take your advice and contact my ex girlfriend through facebook as you suggested. sadly she didnt reply and ive come to understand when a heart runs dry like hers has there is no magic speech that will change her mind and im not a guy who would play mind games or try to split her up with her current man. some people are lucky and get that second chance but she is clearly happy now and if i love her as i claimed then now is the time to wish her well and move on myself. i gave all i could but
ive gotta give up hoping for the ship to come in. as a woman you should know a womans heart is like a deep ocean and hers is one i just never got to the bottom of coz after all i gave up for her i still ended up without.
thanks for the advice though kate because a lot of what you said was on the money about her past but ive gotta be realistic now... i wont get her back. take care and thank you for getting me to contact her, no reply gave me the answer i needed.
I am sorry that she did not reply to you. Although that does provide an answer, it doesn't make it easy for you.
If you ever need to talk, I am here. I hope that you heal quickly from this and find a woman who appreciates all you have to offer.
to be honest its kinda give me the closure id been wanting, i read a lot before i contacted yourself and it just gave me that push to establish contact which id been a little uneasy to try, i guess i loved her that much i was scared to push her away and she meant so much to me i avoided it.
i clearly dont mean that much to her and in a way its made it a little easier now for me, after all im just loving a girl who clearly doesnt know a good heart if it was served on a plate and thats her choice, she wasnt mine to own, i just simply loved her and it wasnt enough. final thought for me..... the past isnt built to last and somewhere out there some lady will
be happy with the man my ex didnt want and she may regret it but i will wish her well just the same. take care kate and thank you very much. gary.
You're welcome, Gary! I think you are in a good place with this.
Take care of yourself.
yeah i'll try, you take care and keep up the good work, id recomend this because even if we dont get the desired outcome, sometimes even the strongest amongst us needs a little guidance and a kind word.
should ever anything change, and you said there was still a possible chance? then i'll let ya know. things do happen when ya very least expect em i guess? im sure in your line of work you've heard the lot...haha. take care lovely and thank you.
Thank you! Definitely let me know if things change. And if you do ever just want to talk, I'm here.
the irony of it all is ive helped 2 friends reunite with their wife/partner this year, one of whom said it was over and done and no going back, and keep hearing of others i know doing the same... seems to be the new craze where i live at the moment. i sat my friend down and told him he should consider being in my position and how good he had it with his wife... that was only in my opinion though as his close friend. he finally agreed and went back to his wife and im happy coz she is a lovely girl.
strange thing is i seem to be able to help others but not myself. but im happy i tried for me but this ex of mine is clearly over me and as much as its hurts, ive gotta let her go as i just feel there is no want in my ex now to come back, maybe its someone trying to tell me she wasnt the right one as much as i thought she was. that said should there be a change in the weather id happily let ya know. we all love a happy ending in the romance game, and i dare say you must get a buzz when a success story comes back after ya helped someone. thanx kate.
Yes, it is nice when something works out for someone, but since life is what it is, troubles are always there!
Your friends are truly blessed to have someone like you in their lives.
If you do want to ever talk, it helps to open a new post and put my name in front of your question so the other experts know you want to work with me. Just an fyi.