Hello. I am so sorry to hear about your very painful circumstaces. What would be helpful for you at this point? Are you trying to decide whether to stay in the marriage yourself at this point? Let's try to chat when you are online. I look forward to working with you.
essentially thats it, I am trying to decide whether i continue with my wife or leave her.
She says she loves me and will be there for me, however i can't past the fact that this affair went on for so long.
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Please forgive me for being so honest, but if you decide to stay with your wife you will be doing so with the knowledge that she will very likely cheat on you again (likely with the same man, many more times). If you think that your children don't know or won't find out then you are fooling yourself.
Ultimately, it is your decision. You are the only one who will live with your decision
I am happy to help you find a therapist in your area and also divorce attorneys if you would like such a list as well. I just need to know what city and state you are in.